Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Catholic Living in the Modern World => Topic started by: Gray2023 on June 09, 2025, 11:19:17 AM
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Here is some pop psychology on the topic.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/putting-psyche-back-psychotherapy/201609/why-wont-men-apologize
What I want to discuss is the Catholic ideas on it? When should one apologize? How do you teach people to apologize? Should we apologize more? Should we apologize less?
My position is that maybe I apologize too much and the men in my life don't seem to apologize enough. Is it different for different families? I guess like most things it requires prudence to do it the correct way.
Thoughts?
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Here is what AI says
In Catholicism, expressing sorrow and seeking forgiveness involves both an internal act of contrition and an external act of apology. A sincere apology, rooted in genuine remorse, is essential for reconciling with others and with God. This includes acknowledging wrongdoing, expressing genuine sorrow, and taking steps to make amends.
Act of Contrition (https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&cs=0&sca_esv=a5f19cfa0813df82&sxsrf=AE3TifPBMaIBQ9iecC3YlIxhIhUr013Vxw%3A1749487961914&q=Act+of+Contrition&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj7-7HD5uSNAxW6EGIAHaOqHDsQxccNegQIDBAC&mstk=AUtExfBFQgs05hurkyLpfxXekyVtMy3pnMev-J5HFJiZmOfWwyGWIP_BhOSUZf1jbaIuK7HllFw1zfAG22bSrzQwosDwbZlykzA2exThX8biQDvaAG2JelpEoTxRvqTC_DdTevdxWigveMJSFfhpuIOSuyVXpsSFgR66Q9Y7M6HMtQwR9cY&csui=3):
- Traditional: "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen." according to Vatican News (https://www.vaticannews.va/en/prayers/act-of-contrition.html).
- Other versions: There are also alternative Act of Contrition prayers.
Elements of a Sincere Apology (https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&cs=0&sca_esv=a5f19cfa0813df82&sxsrf=AE3TifPBMaIBQ9iecC3YlIxhIhUr013Vxw%3A1749487961914&q=Sincere+Apology&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj7-7HD5uSNAxW6EGIAHaOqHDsQxccNegQIHRAC&mstk=AUtExfBFQgs05hurkyLpfxXekyVtMy3pnMev-J5HFJiZmOfWwyGWIP_BhOSUZf1jbaIuK7HllFw1zfAG22bSrzQwosDwbZlykzA2exThX8biQDvaAG2JelpEoTxRvqTC_DdTevdxWigveMJSFfhpuIOSuyVXpsSFgR66Q9Y7M6HMtQwR9cY&csui=3):
- Admitting the Error: Acknowledging that you have done wrong.
- Expressing Sorrow: Feeling and expressing genuine remorse for the hurt caused.
- Acknowledging the Harm: Understanding how your actions affected others.
- Taking Responsibility: Not making excuses or blaming others.
- Making Amends: Taking concrete steps to repair the harm caused, if possible.
- Seeking Forgiveness: Whether from God or from others, expressing a desire for reconciliation.
Importance of Sincere Apology in Catholicism:
- Reconciliation with God:
Expressing sorrow and seeking forgiveness is essential for receiving absolution (https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&cs=0&sca_esv=a5f19cfa0813df82&sxsrf=AE3TifPBMaIBQ9iecC3YlIxhIhUr013Vxw%3A1749487961914&q=absolution&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj7-7HD5uSNAxW6EGIAHaOqHDsQxccNegQIRxAB&mstk=AUtExfBFQgs05hurkyLpfxXekyVtMy3pnMev-J5HFJiZmOfWwyGWIP_BhOSUZf1jbaIuK7HllFw1zfAG22bSrzQwosDwbZlykzA2exThX8biQDvaAG2JelpEoTxRvqTC_DdTevdxWigveMJSFfhpuIOSuyVXpsSFgR66Q9Y7M6HMtQwR9cY&csui=3) in the Sacrament of Penance (https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&cs=0&sca_esv=a5f19cfa0813df82&sxsrf=AE3TifPBMaIBQ9iecC3YlIxhIhUr013Vxw%3A1749487961914&q=Sacrament+of+Penance&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj7-7HD5uSNAxW6EGIAHaOqHDsQxccNegQIRxAC&mstk=AUtExfBFQgs05hurkyLpfxXekyVtMy3pnMev-J5HFJiZmOfWwyGWIP_BhOSUZf1jbaIuK7HllFw1zfAG22bSrzQwosDwbZlykzA2exThX8biQDvaAG2JelpEoTxRvqTC_DdTevdxWigveMJSFfhpuIOSuyVXpsSFgR66Q9Y7M6HMtQwR9cY&csui=3). - Reconciliation with Others:
Genuine apologies are crucial for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Growth in Virtue:The process of apologizing and making amends helps cultivate humility, compassion, and a greater love for God and neighbor. [/list]
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Why can't we have a discussion? Why two downvotes? I wish you (the downvoters) would stop being cowards. Is it too hard to be honest?
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I think most aren't interested in having this conversation because the basis of it is directed against men without any consideration of context.
Are men mean, aggressive, and slow to apologize? Sure. But how is that conversation remotely interesting when we live in a world that is trying to annihilate white men? Every evil recognized by the modern world is blamed on men- and not in a historical sense, it's actually blamed on men currently living. Compare that to how women's agendas are promoted everywhere and incessantly. You see where I'm coming from? I understand from your point of view(the same for most other women, as far as I can tell) men just appear angry and mean. Fair enough, maybe we are. But at least try to understand where our negative sentiment comes from. We have to fight harder than you to get into university, to get jobs, we never get praise or sympathy, marriage and family(the things that every healthy man truly desires) have been made almost inaccessible. Shall I go on?
I saw on a thread recently a female poster mocked a male poster by calling him an "incel." I hope that her mouth tastes of ash for the rest of her days. How dare someone who pretends to be catholic utilize Jєωιѕн attacks on Christian men? That term is used to utterly delegitimise the real frustrations of young men who live in a world that hates them.
This is the context. And in this context, people look at your thread based openly off of Jєωιѕн pop-psychology and they ignore it.
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Are men mean, aggressive, and slow to apologize? Sure. But how is that conversation remotely interesting when we live in a world that is trying to annihilate white men?
I don't know. Maybe because it could help us all interact better/be better Catholics .... here as well as IRL? And I would argue for those young men looking for a spouse, it might come in handy.
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I don't know. Maybe because it could help us all interact better/be better Catholics .... here as well as IRL? And I would argue for those young men looking for a spouse, it might come in handy.
You're absolutely right. Women go crazy over guys who apologize. Even better if they have a lisp.
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You're absolutely right. Women go crazy over guys who apologize. Even better if they have a lisp.
So is apologizing something effeminate to you?
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So is apologizing something effeminate to you?
Strawman.
Read my big post again. You'll get it one of these days.
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I think most aren't interested in having this conversation because the basis of it is directed against men without any consideration of context.
Are men mean, aggressive, and slow to apologize? Sure. But how is that conversation remotely interesting when we live in a world that is trying to annihilate white men? Every evil recognized by the modern world is blamed on men- and not in a historical sense, it's actually blamed on men currently living. Compare that to how women's agendas are promoted everywhere and incessantly. You see where I'm coming from? I understand from your point of view(the same for most other women, as far as I can tell) men just appear angry and mean. Fair enough, maybe we are. But at least try to understand where our negative sentiment comes from. We have to fight harder than you to get into university, to get jobs, we never get praise or sympathy, marriage and family(the things that every healthy man truly desires) have been made almost inaccessible. Shall I go on?
I saw on a thread recently a female poster mocked a male poster by calling him an "incel." I hope that her mouth tastes of ash for the rest of her days. How dare someone who pretends to be catholic utilize Jєωιѕн attacks on Christian men? That term is used to utterly delegitimise the real frustrations of young men who live in a world that hates them.
This is the context. And in this context, people look at your thread based openly off of Jєωιѕн pop-psychology and they ignore it.
Thank you for your honesty. I agree with everything you are saying and I think women have also lost the art of "saying sorry". You just won't find a pop psychology article about how women are failing. To be honest I am more afraid of women than men, which is why I don't seem to bring up women's issues as much. I also do not live with other women. I only live with men. So my situation is very unique.
Can we solve the problem, if we don't talk about it? I don't know.
I have to raise men into this and I don't want them acting like the world is stacked against them and thinking it is hopeless. God has a plan. God wants men to do the Godly thing and women to support these men.
We need to talk about how to do this in our own little spheres of influence.
So again I apologize for hitting the wrong nerves with some men, but I truly think these conversations could be beneficial to Catholics as a whole.
Asking for forgiveness is a very hard and humbling thing. We can do it in the confessional, but I think humans have a harder time doing it to each other.
I think any women who has publicly said hurtful things should apologize. I also think the men should do likewise. I try to, and if anyone feels I have not, then please let me know because it was an accident and I never meant it intentionally.
If you think I am full of BS, then you don't know me.
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I think most aren't interested in having this conversation because the basis of it is directed against men without any consideration of context.
Are men mean, aggressive, and slow to apologize? Sure. But how is that conversation remotely interesting when we live in a world that is trying to annihilate white men? Every evil recognized by the modern world is blamed on men- and not in a historical sense, it's actually blamed on men currently living. Compare that to how women's agendas are promoted everywhere and incessantly. You see where I'm coming from? I understand from your point of view(the same for most other women, as far as I can tell) men just appear angry and mean. Fair enough, maybe we are. But at least try to understand where our negative sentiment comes from. We have to fight harder than you to get into university, to get jobs, we never get praise or sympathy, marriage and family(the things that every healthy man truly desires) have been made almost inaccessible. Shall I go on?
I saw on a thread recently a female poster mocked a male poster by calling him an "incel." I hope that her mouth tastes of ash for the rest of her days. How dare someone who pretends to be catholic utilize Jєωιѕн attacks on Christian men? That term is used to utterly delegitimise the real frustrations of young men who live in a world that hates them.
This is the context. And in this context, people look at your thread based openly off of Jєωιѕн pop-psychology and they ignore it.
Horatius, I am sorry for not acknowledging your feelings/concerns. Yes, you and other men here have valid concerns. That doesn't mean we can't try to have an objective Catholic conversation about making apologies to one another (whether on the forum or with others in real life).
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You're absolutely right. Women go crazy over guys who apologize. Even better if they have a lisp.
This is a funny statement. Because women do not want a man who is overly apologetic, but they do want a man who knows when to apologize.
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So is apologizing something effeminate to you?
When an innocent man is forced by implied threat of losing something he values (his children, his house, his job, his good name, his freedom) to grovel at the feet of an evil woman, yes, that is effeminate. I vomit it out of my mouth.
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I don't know. Maybe because it could help us all interact better/be better Catholics .... here as well as IRL? And I would argue for those young men looking for a spouse, it might come in handy.
And this is a true statement as well. I think both men and women have a bad habit of inferring a certain type of emotional tone to what is written, when they may feel like it is an attack. I know I do that sometimes.
IRL I do throw out these topics in conversation over coffee at my church and the discussions are very interesting, but we have the benefit of seeing each other and knowing that we are just all striving for the same goal. Heaven.
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Gray,
I found this article and skimmed it. Despite being Novus Ordo, it seemed to do a good job regarding the topic (although the title focuses on Lent, it speaks about apologizing with others as well as God):
This Lent, say sorry - and mean it - Catholic Review (https://catholicreview.org/this-lent-say-sorry-and-mean-it/)
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Gray,
I found this article and skimmed it. Despite being Novus Ordo, it seemed to do a good job regarding the topic (although the title focuses on Lent, it speaks about apologizing with others as well as God):
This Lent, say sorry - and mean it - Catholic Review (https://catholicreview.org/this-lent-say-sorry-and-mean-it/)
The article was helpful. I especially liked this quote.
How will we let the grace of that absolution compel us to heal the wounds our actions have caused those we love, and how can we make sure to avoid those problem behaviors the next time we are tempted to go down a similar path?
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Being sorry is part of penance. How can any man or woman go to confession and not be truly sorry for having offended God. God wants us to make amends.
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Being sorry is part of penance. How can any man or woman go to confession and not be truly sorry for having offended God. God wants us to make amends.
I think making the amends part is really hard.
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And this is a true statement as well. I think both men and women have a bad habit of inferring a certain type of emotional tone to what is written, when they may feel like it is an attack. I know I do that sometimes.
IRL I do throw out these topics in conversation over coffee at my church and the discussions are very interesting, but we have the benefit of seeing each other and knowing that we are just all striving for the same goal. Heaven.
As I think on the OP, I wonder whether this topic would have been a good thread to start in the anonymous section. This might be a difficult topic for some to talk about for various reasons. Also, it might be a very personal issue, so people won't want to share examples in their own lives.
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Good idea.
Here is the new thread.
https://www.cathinfo.com/anonymous-posts-allowed/saying-sorry-discussion/
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Men will usually apologise when they need to, not because of some small thing of no consequence. Usually when men that rarely say sorry say sorry, they actually mean it. If someone says sorry very easily and all the time it can be a sign he is just saying empty words. Also if a man feels like he is not in the wrong he won't apologise because there is nothing to be sorry over.