Since the husband has been entrusted to spiritually protect his wife and children spiritually, the merits of his efforts to protect his children are more powerful than his wife's, not that she can't -- she also has to do it, but it's not going to have the same amount of impact -- unless -- she's holier, because she can if she's much holier than he is, but there's something to be said for that office. There's truly something to be said for it.
Since the demons -must- respect the order of authority that God has established, the father enters more efficaciously into war with the demonic all other things being equal. If he and his wife are the same amount of holiness, for example.
Ultimately the demons must submit to the spiritual authority that is established by God.
Now here's something that they do, and this is with the husband, though usually it's the wife that in the marriage is worried about the communication issues. . . Part of his protection comes from the fact, that when the demons get into the marriage -- and they attack every marriage -- and by the time you're married, they know every nook and cranny of your defects. And when you get married, it doesn't get better, it gets worse, because then when you're around the person more frequently, they can drive certain things psychologically, and can say 'well now he's stuck'.
They'll drive the defects of the persons', and what's the first thing they will do -- they will always disrupt communication. That's the first thing they know they -have- to do.
It's really the husband's responsibility to see that communication is good, now granted the wife has certain natural dispositions that have much more facility in that regard, so he may want her to help with it and take certain cues from here, but the fact of the matter is, it's his responsibility.
Now the second thing is, they do, is they jade a person's judgement. Because they can affect our imaginations. Now, say the wife walks in -- she hasn't done anything wrong, but they can affect things such as, 'I can't stand the way she talks anymore', or 'every time she comes out she belittles me', so he has to keep all of that out of the house, out of the home, and out of the relationship.
He has to make sure that he's keeping them out, and if he's noticing there's a certain amount of judgement, and problems along that line.. he has to merit the grace through prayer and mortification to combat this, and take note that his judgement, or hers, is going to be affected.
So.. Adam and Eve, ate the apple.. Eve, steps out from under the authority of Adam, takes the apple, eats it and hands it to him. Which means what? She steps outside of his spiritual protection, which meant that she became subject to demonic influence spiritually -- even after the fall -- and the way she regains that protection, spiritually is by submitting herself to her husband's office -- not to the guy -- but to the office.
Just as we make a distinction between the bishop, the man, and the office of the bishop, or the priest. So it's the office. So, women, you're not being obedient to the guy that's a . . . you're being obedient to God. So don't be worried about it, you're being submissive to God.
If she does that, she'll enjoy this authority structure God sets up, so she'll actually enjoy less demonic attack.
And that's one of the reasons why if the husband really loves his wife, he'll want to subordinate her. Not in the sense of beating her over the head. . . No, I'm not talking about that level, but it's his responsibility to make sure the authority structure is maintained in his home.
And too, making sure the children are subordinated to the wife, who has authority over the children.
If he undermines that, it's impossible for him to maintain authority psychologically with his wife, to keep the wife understanding his authority, because he's already undermined it on another level.
So a lot of times guys say, "I don't know why won't she do what I tell her?" Well there's probably something on your side you're not doing.
Now that doesn't mean.. women -- because when Eve ate the apple, that introduced into the relationship on the side of the woman self dominance and will, and desire to control the husband. That's what it did.
So then, what's Adam do? He takes the apple and eats it.
Which meant what -- He capitulates his authority. He should have said, "You shouldn't have been eating that apple, you're on your own." [laughter]
But he didn't. So this is why you get guys that are just irresponsible in their marriages. They don't maintain the authority structure in the home, they don't maintain the children being obedient to the wife and things of that sort.
So then what happens, the Old Testament tells us: this is what you are stuck with. The New Testament... actually says through St. Paul: And this is how you overcome these problems.
Women have to be submissive to their husbands and she'll undo the disorders of the flesh, this inclination, to try to control and dominate her husband.
But if she does that, we're going to talk about this later -- she's going to be miserable.
But if the husband is not legitimately the father, the husband, and the head of the household, he's also miserable. Because there's this natural inclination, this is something built into the nature of masculinity, if he doesn't do it, he's unhappy ultimately.
This is why the feminist movement in our culture, as it destroys masculinity, it is why you rarely see boys smile anymore. They're unhappy. Because they can't be little men. Because they're just beat down, all the time.
"Did you see how you made her feel?" "You should be crying." "You go over there." Etc.
Now sometimes he has to be told to respect her feelings, but, they're just going through this perpetual sensitivity training. . .
So St. Paul comes along and says to the husband.. that with the tendency with men, with original sin.. is to ignore their wife..
And now if you really love her, you want the good for the other person, so if you really love her, you really ultimately want is your wife the plug into this structure so that she's happy, it fits her nature, and she'll be happy as lark. Now that doesn't mean there's not going to be other stuff there, it's not going to an easy process because of the self will arising from original sin, but if she can.. the husband, the way he's going to bring her into submission, is not by beating her over the head, he has to do certain things.
To make sure, that she -wants- to submit to him. It's built into women, a natural inclination, to want to submit. What happens is the husband is usually a .. ., and doesn't do the things he's supposed to do, and so what happens is the law of the flesh kicks in and she just rebels. So that by the time she's fifty years of age... [it isn't pretty]
So St. Paul says, the thing to keep this from happening is: you have to love her.
If the wife sees that her husband really loves her, then very often if she's even a woman of average virtue, she'll do whatever he wants. Pretty much.
She will submit. Because why? "Because she knows he loves me, so he'll never do anything evil or bad, and take care of me, so I can submit to him because I know he'll do right by me."
If he doesn't love her, then he's not going to take of her, provide and protect her -emotionally-.
Then he's not going to protect her psychologically either. Because he not only has to protect and provide for her psychologically by having a normal life of affection for her, but he also has to protect her from certain types of psychological damage, and certain things..
If he really loves her, he will make sure that he will -totally- put himself aside to make sure he does right by her.
He will not ignore his wife, leave she grow cold and dominating. Now here is the thing..
Most.. the way women are psychologically designed.. -you pay attention to them- .. why?
Eve.. took the apple and lead to Adam, why? It means she was looking for his approval, she was looking him to pay attention to her.. which means what?
Women have this thing built in.. you pay attention to them.. they'll actually do what?
They'll subordinate themselves to you.. or actually.. they won't grow cold and dominating.
But if you don't.. this natural inclination grows frustrated, and often the woman may not even understand why, she'll just understand that she's not getting the admiration, she grows cold, and she gets nasty and dominating.
Why -- here's the general thing, the general principle that states that if you're not getting what you want, you try to control things externally to you to get what you want.
And that's what ends up happening.
If the husband isn't feeding this natural inclination of hers for emotional union, things of affection and that sort, then she'll try to control him to get other things, from him.
He will take into consideration her welfare, and the welfare of his children, above his own.
In other words, if a man is perfectly a man, and think of St. Joseph, it's inconceivable of that guy -ever- putting himself and how he felt before Our Lady. Didn't happen.
That's what a real man is. That's why I like St. Joseph, because he's a real man.
You get these guys.. aahk.. You know... he has no self control, you don't even have control over your mouth..
But the point is that. He'll totally put himself aside.
If he -thinks- his wife is there -for him- he's got another thing coming, yes, she was created to be his helper, but what does that mean? It's so he can fulfill his obligations in raising his children before God, not for himself.
So he'll put his welfare above his own. Now here we're talking about all levels -except- the spiritual level. Because the Church teaches us that our obligation is always to ourselves first spiritually.
In the old wedding vows, it says, "The husband gives his life for his wife and children." Either by work, in other words by basically, pour his life out.. in the past, basically it meant putting your life on the line, by working in the mines, things of this sort.. and also for their protection, so part of providing protection, means all the way down to his life.
That's what it means.
He will consult her, and there's a reason for this.
She has reason [laughter] And.. A lot of times women know better what's going on with the children, because she's around them so much.. Sometimes they'll have a better sense of it. Now other times, women will be too soft with the children, or other times they'll be too hard.. But the point is that, normally they are around the children so they will get a better sense of what the problem is with the little one.
There's a saying.. The husband to the wife is like the soul to the body..
. . . It has many different levels . . . but it also means, you do not find a guy that never consults his body. Or if you do. . . he's in a rubber room, or he's dead, pretty quickly. . . If he ignores his body, he will end up in trouble.
It's the same thing in marriage, if he does not consult her. . . does not mean he has to follow everything she suggests. . . but he should consult, because a lot of times she will see things he may not see.
And, here's another reason, those who are subject to authority, find that when the authority ignores their well being or doesn't pay attention to their suggestions in any way whatsoever, they get the impression that the authority really doesn't care about what they think, how they feel, and what's really going on.
Because, well, the troops.. . the commander is sitting up on a hill, the troops are down in the field.. the commander does not have a clue what is going on down in the field, and he gives an order. . . well it's going to go bad.
Well, if the wife says, "Well, you do not want to do that because he's sick," and he still does it and the child winds up in the hospital or something -- well, you should have listened to your wife. The point is if that you don't listen to her, well eventually, what happens?
She will not subordinate. Because if she knows "He listens to me, he pays attention to what my needs are, he knows that if I have a problem, he'll actually listen to me, and ask my advice, and take it seriously.." she'll end up following him.
But if he doesn't listen to her, he's barking out commands, doesn't listen to her well being, essentially ignores how she feels and stuff like that, forget it. She's not going to be sticking around with him for very long, that is as far as the psychological side.
It might be 'till death do they part' but she's already checked out.
If she is like his body, he will bring her under his submission, but not for his benefit, but for hers. And for the sake of the children.
The duty of the husband and father is essentially self-denial.
It's sacrifice of self.
Now the wife is also called to self-sacrifice too, but in a different way.
But in his particular case, he's called to sacrifice -- because why? Now sacrifice is a hard and arduous thing. The reason why men are called to provide and protect is, it's physically hard. And God put in men psychologically the ability to ignore on the emotional level, so they can do things that are psychologically hard.
And men of course, because men are more designed to operate according to reason rather than their emotions than women, we'll talk about why that's there, I think I actually already talked about that.. it's there so that she can actually guide the emotional life of the children, it's a good thing.. it means that for men, he is able to put aside human respect, things of that sort, and so because he follows reason more, he can actually do things that are more spiritual. . .
Now one of the things that you are going to notice is, now the writers will even tell you this, more women attain holier positions than men.
You just see it, a lot of times women seem to be getting a lot more grace than men. But the difficulty is, with women, since their life is more oriented towards the emotional life, they very often get off on the runway and then plateau out when it becomes time to subordinate the emotions, because that's horrible for them.
Whereas men, just get the lazy lout [up and going] . . . spiritually is the hard part, but once he does that, he really excels because it's easier for him to subordinate his emotions, in other words, it's easier for him to obtain grace and virtue on that level.
So it's harder in the beginning, easier in the end, and for women that's inverted.
But these are all things that are spiritually hard, hard and difficult.. which means that the principle virtue towards which men are ordered is..
For women it's temperance.. it's easier for a woman to be modest, because it's self protection..
So actually women have a natural inclination, they tend to be softer, more gentile.. they're more temperate normally speaking..
Now sacrifice, is a hard thing to do.
Even though sacrifice pertains to justice.
This is why, if a man is a real man, with fortitude.. mortification is a form of self sacrifice. He will sacrifice himself.
It is because of this suitability of fortitude towards sacrifice, that men are called to be priests and not women. Among other reasons.
St. Thomas says that the reason a woman isn't a priest is because she exercises the use of reason in a fundamentally different way than a man.
. . . If a man is immature, he's only seeking pleasure, he's not going to be a man, he's going to be effeminate. What is effeminacy? An unwillingness to put aside what is pleasure to pursue the arduous. That is St. Thomas's formal definition.
The reason masculinity is in crisis is because men are too effeminate, and the reason men are too effeminate is that men are too attached to pleasure.
So, that's the problem there.
Now here's the moral of the story. The guys that you are dating, if he can't keep his hands off you get away from him.
Because it's a sign he's attached to his pleasure and he's -not- interested in denying himself, or -self sacrifice- for your well being. Which means that when -you- get married, he will not be a man. He will not take on his headship, you will not be happy because you will not plug into the authority structure, he's going to be subverting the whole thing because of his lack of. . . love.
[a diversion about technological gadgets and pleasure, and how too many makes father nervous]
Video games -- turn them off.
Fortitude and self sacrifice, that's the type of man you want to look for.
Okay.. any questions?
[skipping a little, about 50 minutes in]
As I said before -- you never do anything because your wife wants it, ever. You do it because you know it's going to make her happy.
He has to practice self denial in according to her well being. And this you especially don't see in guys attached to pleasure. He just can't say no to himself, and that's one of the problems.
He has to be able to practice self denial if he's ever going to govern you properly, otherwise he's just going use his authority for his own ends, you know you praise him a little bit. If he's immature, seeking pleasure, in the end.. he doesn't want you, he loves his pleasure. And that's what you have to be careful of.
He has to be able to practice self denial in relationship with his wife because there is a natural law inclination to please him, and that has to be moderated. Otherwise what happens is, in the end, what pleases her, is the law of the flesh, which will dominate, which undermines his authority, which means he's not going to provide for the family, or protect you.
The guy just does what his wife tells him to do... she is spiritually hung out to dry..
A guy is a man of prayer, you say, "Oh he's going to be a priest." but really if he's praying regularly, he would be a good husband. At least in most cases he's going to be able to provide for you.. prayer.. good penances, denying himself, if he fasts.. if he follows the Church's laws on Fridays, does these little penances..
If he complains, he's effeminate because he's attached to his pleasure. So if you see he never complains and does things when it's hard and difficult..
When they say by spiritually responsible for yourself, your first responsibility is to save your own soul. Aside from that, it's moderated by your duties, your state in life.
You have children, things have to be adjusted. . . because your spiritual obligation is to fulfil the obligations of justice to your children, to your wife.. if you neglect these for praying..
It's the same thing with a priest in a certain sense.. sometimes you get these guys out of seminary, and they are really only interested in praying.. so, people are starving on the vine spiritually..
The first obligation is to save your soul, above everything. That is the supreme law.
Then the second thing is you have obligation to achieve the highest possible state spiritually that you can, and that comes, spiritually based on your state in life.
So you fulfill those duties if your state in life.. and then what you do above and beyond that is pleasing to God. If you neglect the first, what you do extra is not pleasing to God.
A lot of times with generational spirits.. say a guy has a problem with chastity.. not necessarily the generational spirit against chastity.. a lot of times a guy has a problem with fear, depression, etc. and if you get rid of those, well the chastity issues disappear.
But there's ways of dealing with that.. you just have to make sure that none of that gets past.
If your potential spouse is habitually leading a life of grace, it's unlikely he has.. baggage, but if he has hard time staying in a state of grace, get away from him, because in the end he's going to take you down spiritually.
What does it mean to reason in a different way? Simple apprehension.. judgement.. and reason..
The first is the same, but the judgement is different.. because why? Their phantasms and images in their imaginations are different. Why? Because it's affected by their emotions..
The principles by which they judge are very different. Now that can have its place.. in the sense that when you're dealing with something that requires emotional empathy it has its place, but it can also blind judgement.
Whereas men, if they're of average virtue.. and by the way this is not a defect in women, it's actually a natural inclination in women to think in this way, the brain is wired different.. and that's a good thing.. but, it has to be moderated.. if a guy has normal virtue, his images will be much clearer, generally speaking.
Which is why he's supposed to be.. now all things being equal.. now actually if you find a woman more virtuous, sometimes she'll see more clearly than the guy can.. but he.. all things being equal.. his authority is ultimately to organize, to give order and govern, and you can only do this with knowledge.. (although modern politicians seems to have lost this idea) .. but knowledge depends on the image in your imagination, and if that image is affected by emotion, it will affect your knowledge, and therefor you can't govern..
And this is why a man who is virtuous will govern according to right knowledge.. and use his authority in the right manner.
Q: The way society is going, regarding men, where does that leave our culture?
A: Down the tubes. Well the way things are going.. ultimately. . because you don't have the men protecting the culture, on a spiritual level, like moral and that sort of thing..
The point is, if they don't do these things, these things which are necessary to maintain governance.. then, it just slowly heads towards dissipation.. and society becomes unsustainable.
No culture has ever been able to sustain this level of immorality ever in history. Ever.
The point is.. that, without justice.. it's impossible to maintain materially.. eventually it just economically implodes.
Now here's the thing. What most people don't know is a lot of cultures have just imploded because of contraception. No culture historically has ever survived contraception. Ever.
What that means is, because of the immorality.. then what's happening the very fabric of society, the foundation is dissipating, and eventually it will implode. This is pure science. This is the way it works.
The only reason we are maintaining it to any level that we have is because of -technology-. It's buying us a little more time.
Q: Where do the prayers, rosary, come in? There are a lot of people praying.. for this country.
A: That's true.. but.. as the saying goes, as the Church goes, so does the world. And it's a mess.
This one time I was at this meeting with a Catholic social scientist, and one of the guys was one of the Heritage Foundation is giving this lecture, and says the real problem in the Church today is the Mass.. and of course.. everybody at the table just looks at me.. [laughter].. This study was done.. [nearly all] Catholic couples are contracepting, and if they know what they're doing they are in a state of mortal sin, and they are traipsing up to receive Communion.. and that is sacrilege.. sacrilege is occurring every Sunday..
Yeah it's true, a lot of people are praying, but the amount of praying that's required to offset the problem.. is.. quite frankly..
Okay, there's what they call mutual subjection.. in marriage.. but this, the Church has always understood in relationship to the marital debt -alone-. Now JPII says it doesn't just pertain to the marital debt, but in all matters.. Now St. Thomas says, you can't have order without a unified motive force.. that's called chaos.. so if you have two people in mutual subjection, then you end with chaos.. so just on a purely philosophical level, it can't stand..
Now Leo XIII said, mutual subjection pertains only to the marital debt. And that was the consistent position. And here we're not talking about.. this whole discussion is not just a matter, well we kinda like that.. this is the consistent teaching of the theologians and fathers of the Church..
The wife has to be subject in all matters save sin, except regarding the marital debt, is an infallible, nondefined teaching, that has always been taught by all the fathers everywhere.. so you can't just get around it because.. I think it's just romanticism.