As I think more about my vocation, I begin to wonder whether if it is prudent for me to get married soon (which was my original plan) or to put off marriage until I have some sort of career in place. My fiance and I both agree that my role would be to stay at home if God blesses us with children but my worry is is something were to happen to him, for instance if he died, how would I support whatever children we had? Right now I have a bachelor in psychology but I can't really do anything with it unless I go to grad school. In my heart, I don't feel like more schooling is the right step for me but I can't help but worry that if anything were to happen, I wouldn't be able to support myself or any children I might have.
For those of you who are stay-at-home moms, did you have some sort of career beforehand? If not, do you ever worry about how you will bring in money if your marriage falls apart and your husband leaves or if something happens to him and he can't work?
I was a career woman when I got married--finishing up a degree--and remained so until after our 3rd child was born. It was just something we were supposed to do, so we did it. It led us down a very dark and dangerous path.
When our 3rd son was about 2, we were also going through some spiritual changes as well and decided that, even with my pay, we weren't really earning all that much extra money. It just seemed my pay check was going to make an extra car payment, buy clothing for work, pay the baby sitter and after school care, etc. We calculated that after all the expenses, that I was actually contributing about 200 a month!
We began looking at the situation and praying a lot. We finally decided that really the best course of action was for me to return home. That was 8 years ago, and I haven't looked back since.
What did we have to do? A lot. We moved first to a smaller home. At the time we were renting, but find a cheaper home that fit into our one income budget was not easy. We also got rid of the extra car and became a 1 car family for about 3 years. We learned to live on a very small budget and we had a 4th child. Eventually we decided moving out of state where cost of living was lower and wages were higher would be our best option.
What have we done to assure my security if my husband dies before the children are old enough to support themselves? A few simple things---we purchased an insurance plan that will pay off the house if my husband dies or becomes terminally ill. It costs us $35 extra a month. We also have a life insurance policy--it's not much but that combined with a house pay off would pay the bills for awhile.
Honestly, if my husband did die unexpectedly I don't know what I would do. I suspect our oldest son would try to help out as best he could and by the time the others could work, they would. We'd all have to work extra hard to make ends meet, but we'd manage.
I'm fairly certain, though, that I wouldn't return to the work force in a professional capacity. If I had to I'd take in some baby sitting or do some house cleaning or elderly sitting or sewing.
In the meantime, I insist that both my husband and I take care of our health and eat properly, as best as we can. You can never really plan things like that, but you can be prepared.
The point is: I'm not afraid of not being able to take care of myself. IMO, this is a scare tactic that keeps feminism alive and well. Most husbands don't die at 43 leaving behind a young wife and 6 children.