Dear David, I will pray that your friend has the grace of a happy and holy death. You are being very wise to look into the arrangements ahead rather than wait until the time of death.
A first thing to realize is that unless the funeral director is himself a traditionalist Catholic, or has handled arrangements for another traditionalist family, he is not going to know what that means. When you say “traditional Catholic” he will assume that the deceased was a member of the local diocesan parish and that the funeral will be there, and that it will be a 1969 Missal Mass of Christian burial in the vernacular, with flowers allowed. Another consideration is if there is a traditional chapel in the area, or a traditional priest not too far away (let’s say within a 100 mile radius) available for the Mass and burial. In the latter case the Mass would likely need to be at the mortuary chapel, and the funeral home would need a lot of assistance in getting set up for that as they wouldn’t know what to do.
I don’t mean to be “long winded” but for good context and understanding I’m sharing a lot of details.
The Church’s directives (both pre and post VII) call for a vigil service the evening before, usually at the mortuary chapel. Sung vespers from the Office of the Dead (from the breviary) would be the “official norm” but as that was/is rarely available the Rosary is substituted. In my pre VII experience it was always a priest who led this Rosary but I don’t believe the norms require that, a lay person could lead the Rosary if a priest wasn’t available. The only difference is that the priest would bless and sprinkle the body with Holy Water, and that is also done at the church the next day and again at the cemetery. It is the family’s prerogative as to if the casket is open or closed. I personally believe that it is good for us to “look upon the face of death” but in many states embalming is required if there is going to be a public viewing, and the deceased will need to have their features set (mouth and eyes to be closed, hands set in place with a rosary, etc.), dressing, hair care, cosmetology, which all involve an extra expense. The next day is the Requiem Mass on the Day of Burial. The directives call for this to be at least a Sung (High) Mass, but if a cantor or choir isn’t available it would have to be a Low Mass. This is directly followed by the burial (unless the remains are being shipped out to another area for burial), which includes the blessing of the grave.
Funeral homes typically have a defined service area, usually 20 – 30 miles, outside of which they add on a mileage charge (where I’m at it’s usually $3.00 per mile outside the service area, one way). In your shopping also check with funeral homes in neighboring towns. Do be honest about the family’s financial constraints. There is a Social Security death benefit but it is only like $250. You do want to see that it is applied for though (the funeral home usually will do this). Some states provide a funeral benefit for the indigent, ask what North Carolina offers. Some people may have a life insurance policy that they don’t know about. For example, it was common back in the 1950’s (and maybe other eras) for parents to be sold a life insurance policy for new born infants. Many forget about it and the insurance company will lose contact if address changes aren’t reported. Not so much banks maybe, but many savings and loan associations and credit unions include a modest life insurance benefit (like around $1,000 perhaps) with their accounts, and some employers do so also. In case anyone is wondering why, the insurance company offers the benefit for free and it gives them a pool of prospects they will hope to sell additional insurance to, but there is never an obligation to buy more. If the deceased was a honorably discharged military veteran they can receive a free grave marker from the federal government. Some may qualify for a no cost plot and marker at national and veterans cemeteries, though the family is usually responsible for transportation expenses to the cemetery. While more common in Asian and Hispanic cultures than Anglo/European ones from my perspective, family and friends may be asked to contribute toward funeral expenses rather than send flowers, and this information can be included in the obituary notice.
The body will need to be in a rigid container. “Cremation” caskets (distinct from basic cardboard cremation containers) may be less expensive than “burial” caskets and that might be an option for a burial. Reputable funeral homes should offer an economy casket option priced under $1,000, don’t be afraid to ask if you don’t see that on their price list. You can order a casket online from a third party vendor and by Federal Trade Commission rules a funeral home cannot refuse to accept it or charge you a handling fee. You can also build your own basic wood casket.
If it is necessary to absolutely minimize cost, ask the funeral director about a direct burial but say you would like to have a priest present to bless the grave and some family members to witness the burial. This may be less expensive than what is called a grave side service (the funeral home would expect it to be very short), though there may not be the added elements of a canopy, chairs, and ground cover. A priest can offer a Requiem Mass later. If there is a pickup or van available, one could arrange to pick up the casket at the funeral home and deliver it directly to the cemetery themselves. I’ve seen this done several times, including with a church service, but most families aren’t up for this.
I hope this information is useful. Please feel free to contact me with any other questions.
Topic: Question for Moniel about cheapest option for burial (Read 2693 times)