Author Topic: pregnant girl at mass (Read 32945 times)

s2srea · « **Reply #105 on:** July 06, 2012, 10:06:54 AM »

PenitentW- Telesphorous, or any of us here, is not God, nor Church, nor clergy. You need not concern yourself with those around you. Only concern yourself with our Blessed Lord and His Mother, and your child.

The overwhelming shame you feel may be a trick of the devil, keeping you away from the Tradition of the Church. It is good to be sorry for ones sins, even after we've confessed them. However to allow ourselves to be so consumed by them so that it keeps us away from the the Blessed sacrament can be a sign of pride and sometimes a sign of a lack of understanding and faith. We are all unworthy to receive Him. But its is what our Lord wants of us, and so it is his Love for us, individually, that gives us worth; that lets us approach Him.

In all, focus not on whether you will find a husband or not now. Place your life in the hands of God, bring up your child so as to allow her to live a holy Catholic life, and devote yourself to our Blessed Mother. She will not let one of her children abandoned.

Please be assured of my prayers for you and your child.

JohnGrey · « **Reply #106 on:** July 06, 2012, 11:06:05 AM »

Quote from: PenitentWoman

Telephorus,

What, as a Catholic man, do you believe unwed mothers should have to do to be free from their shame?

I shared my story on another thread. I am not trying to make excuses for my choices, but to give some perspective. Not all unwed mothers are horrible people. We are all sinners, but my sin can be seen by others. She is almost 9 months old and she is God's beautiful creation.

I have tried so hard to be a virtuous woman despite circuмstances that leave me submerged in secular, feminist culture. My sins are forgiven but no amount of prayer can change my past. What should my pennance be?

I only attend NO mass because I'm too ashamed to go elsewhere
I once drove several hours to the closest SSPX church I could find because I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me there.Yet my shame was more than I could bear. I sat in my car, nursed my baby and begged for answers from the Lord.

I never feel worthy of receiving the Eucharist even when I've made a good confession.I head cover and can barely even look up at mass sometimes. I feel I commit ongoing sin by u sing daycare for my baby, but what choice do I have? Most men would not allow me not work even if they would take me as a wife.

I am 23. I have been told I am attractive. I keep myself very fit, but I try not to be vain. I have changed the way I dress. I have a limited budget but I do try to save a little to look nice. It feels so counter to everything I know from the secular world, but I want to dress with dignity.I have begun to cover my hair even for NO mass. I often cover when I pray for humility.

What more can I do? Must I spend the rest of my life in shame? Will I ever attract a man to marry me if I don't even feel comfortable in a traditional mass setting?Wll he want to marry someone when he cannot see my face?

What else should I do to repent?

I do not know the state of your soul, nor the faculties of the person to whom you went for confession and absolution, but if it has been absolved then what has separated you from God is gone. It is just that you feel shame that you rebelled against God and His law, but you should also find joy in your child. Not only is she an opportunity for you to keep your sin from being perpetuated in the next generation, by raising her as an upright Catholic, but she is also a stark reminder to you to temper the appetites of your body.

I agree with Tele on many things regarding the attitude of women in the present day and that many men among traditionalists would be hesitant to take you as a spouse. I do not say this to be uncharitable or to cause you pain but it's the truth. Men today have enough difficulties in providing stable Catholic homes without having the added worry of a spouse with living, breathing evidence that she is receptive to the illicit sɛҳuąƖ advances of men. It is difficult to overcome and should be; the best thing for you to do is to raise your daughter as best you can and to cultivate an interior life to such a degree as you are able, so that the outward expression of your Christian virtue can sooth any misgivings that a prospective spouse might have.

Above all, have unceasing recourse to the loving intercession of our Immaculate Queen, Mediatrix of all graces.

Elizabeth · « **Reply #107 on:** July 06, 2012, 11:06:14 AM »

Quote from: PenitentWoman

What more can I do? Must I spend the rest of my life in shame? Will I ever attract a man to marry me if I don't even feel comfortable in a traditional mass setting?Wll he want to marry someone when he cannot see my face?

What else should I do to repent?

Be invested in the Brown Scapular and the Miraculous Medal. Use Holy Water generously. "The devil HATES Holy Water because of itspower over him. He cannot long abide in a place or near a person that is often sprinkled with this blessed water." So, you need to be certain the Holy Water has been confected properly by a validly ordained priest.

I suggest you ask for prayers in the prayer forum here. The love from Catholics here will help. And there are plenty of good men who would love to save a damsel in distress, marry you and be a father to your baby. It's not all over for you and the baby. I have been spoken with many women over the years who found loving virtuous husbands after being in the same situation as you. Their husbands were attracted to them because they were good mothers. My prayers for you, Penitent Woman. St. Mary Magdelene's Feast is July 22; I'd take the day off and go to the traditional Latin Mass if I were you. If I were your Mom I 'd take you there myself.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #108 on:** July 06, 2012, 11:33:34 AM »

Quote from: s2srea

PenitentW- Telesphorous, or any of us here, is not God, nor Church, nor clergy. You need not concern yourself with those around you. Only concern yourself with our Blessed Lord and His Mother, and your child.

The overwhelming shame you feel may be a trick of the devil, keeping you away from the Tradition of the Church. It is good to be sorry for ones sins, even after we've confessed them. However to allow ourselves to be so consumed by them so that it keeps us away from the the Blessed sacrament can be a sign of pride and sometimes a sign of a lack of understanding and faith. We are all unworthy to receive Him. But its is what our Lord wants of us, and so it is his Love for us, individually, that gives us worth; that lets us approach Him.

In all, focus not on whether you will find a husband or not now. Place your life in the hands of God, bring up your child so as to allow her to live a holy Catholic life, and devote yourself to our Blessed Mother. She will not let one of her children abandoned.

Please be assured of my prayers for you and your child.

Thank you for such kind words and prayers. It is hard not to focus on finding a husband because I feel my daughter will suffer more and more as she gets older. I work 60 hours a week not including the babysitting I do for another unwed mother. I just do not have a great income at either of my jobs. I have absolutely no "extra" expenses except I do keep a phone. :-( I am not sure what I will do when she is school age. I would like to home school and have researched it a lot, but it would not be possible without a husband.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #109 on:** July 06, 2012, 11:50:27 AM »

Quote from: JohnGrey

Quote from: PenitentWoman
Telephorus,

What, as a Catholic man, do you believe unwed mothers should have to do to be free from their shame?

I shared my story on another thread. I am not trying to make excuses for my choices, but to give some perspective. Not all unwed mothers are horrible people. We are all sinners, but my sin can be seen by others. She is almost 9 months old and she is God's beautiful creation.

I have tried so hard to be a virtuous woman despite circuмstances that leave me submerged in secular, feminist culture. My sins are forgiven but no amount of prayer can change my past. What should my pennance be?

I only attend NO mass because I'm too ashamed to go elsewhere
I once drove several hours to the closest SSPX church I could find because I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me there.Yet my shame was more than I could bear. I sat in my car, nursed my baby and begged for answers from the Lord.

I never feel worthy of receiving the Eucharist even when I've made a good confession.I head cover and can barely even look up at mass sometimes. I feel I commit ongoing sin by u sing daycare for my baby, but what choice do I have? Most men would not allow me not work even if they would take me as a wife.

I am 23. I have been told I am attractive. I keep myself very fit, but I try not to be vain. I have changed the way I dress. I have a limited budget but I do try to save a little to look nice. It feels so counter to everything I know from the secular world, but I want to dress with dignity.I have begun to cover my hair even for NO mass. I often cover when I pray for humility.

What more can I do? Must I spend the rest of my life in shame? Will I ever attract a man to marry me if I don't even feel comfortable in a traditional mass setting?Wll he want to marry someone when he cannot see my face?

What else should I do to repent?

I do not know the state of your soul, nor the faculties of the person to whom you went for confession and absolution, but if it has been absolved then what has separated you from God is gone. It is just that you feel shame that you rebelled against God and His law, but you should also find joy in your child. Not only is she an opportunity for you to keep your sin from being perpetuated in the next generation, by raising her as an upright Catholic, but she is also a stark reminder to you to temper the appetites of your body.

I agree with Tele on many things regarding the attitude of women in the present day and that many men among traditionalists would be hesitant to take you as a spouse. I do not say this to be uncharitable or to cause you pain but it's the truth. Men today have enough difficulties in providing stable Catholic homes without having the added worry of a spouse with living, breathing evidence that she is receptive to the illicit sɛҳuąƖ advances of men. It is difficult to overcome and should be; the best thing for you to do is to raise your daughter as best you can and to cultivate an interior life to such a degree as you are able, so that the outward expression of your Christian virtue can sooth any misgivings that a prospective spouse might have.

Above all, have unceasing recourse to the loving intercession of our Immaculate Queen, Mediatrix of all graces.

Thank you for your honest reply. I am not sure if you have had the chance to read my story on the "social stigma" thread. I would really appreciate it if you did.
While I do not wish to make excuses for my choices, I do hope that I bring about some understanding of what happened in my life. While I understand it is reality, it hurts to think men who are supposed to anticipate Christ in all, will look at me and assume I am "receptive to the illicit sɛҳuąƖ advances of men." This was one (manipulative and abusive) man who caused me almost fear being near men. I am a petite woman and my child's father is a large, aggressive man who I have come to find out abused athletic performance drugs. He intimidated me and mocked me so much I just gave in. ;-( This was a very vulnerable and painful time in my life where I was surrounded by unchaste men and women and had been led to believe (by authority figures nonetheless) that this lifestyle was okay and normal, and my inherent desire to be pure was foolish and the result of my "misogynistic faith roots." Again, my goal is not to make excuses. My sin was disgraceful. I just wish the men of the world could see as Christ did that I fully repent and want nothing more than to become a wife and serve in that vocation.

I will continue to pray for healing. I say a daily rosary (though I have to break it up by decades throughout my day) and I will try to seek more Eucharistic Adoration though my schedule presents such a challenge for me. Hopefully Blessed Mother is not to offended that I pray the rosary while pumping milk for my little one. ;-( That has become my routine.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #110 on:** July 06, 2012, 11:54:30 AM »

Quote from: Elizabeth

Quote from: PenitentWoman

What more can I do? Must I spend the rest of my life in shame? Will I ever attract a man to marry me if I don't even feel comfortable in a traditional mass setting?Wll he want to marry someone when he cannot see my face?

What else should I do to repent?

Be invested in the Brown Scapular and the Miraculous Medal. Use Holy Water generously. "The devil HATES Holy Water because of itspower over him. He cannot long abide in a place or near a person that is often sprinkled with this blessed water." So, you need to be certain the Holy Water has been confected properly by a validly ordained priest.

I suggest you ask for prayers in the prayer forum here. The love from Catholics here will help. And there are plenty of good men who would love to save a damsel in distress, marry you and be a father to your baby. It's not all over for you and the baby. I have been spoken with many women over the years who found loving virtuous husbands after being in the same situation as you. Their husbands were attracted to them because they were good mothers. My prayers for you, Penitent Woman. St. Mary Magdelene's Feast is July 22; I'd take the day off and go to the traditional Latin Mass if I were you. If I were your Mom I 'd take you there myself.

I will look into the Brown Scapular. I have been thinking about this. I will ask my priest about holy water. I hope to do something special on Mary Magdalene's Feast, I think I will try to find the courage for TLM mass. Should I speak to the priest beforehand, maybe?

Thank you for the prayers and ideas. I don't even know you but I wish you were my mother. ;-(

Nishant · « **Reply #111 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:03:56 PM »

PW, I really empathize with your situation, and pray God gives you courage going ahead. Stay strong, I am sure divine help is on the way, and will find you in God's good time.

I will say a Rosary for you that God gives you a good Christian man to take care of you and your child.

Capt McQuigg · « **Reply #112 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:05:58 PM »

Quote from: PenitentWoman

What, as a Catholic man, do you believe unwed mothers should have to do to be free from their shame?

What else should I do to repent?

Stop going to the novus ordo mass.

Marry the guy you had this beautiful child with - if he refuses... ...move on.

Start going to a Traditional Chapel. Go to Confession SOONEST and do whatever the priest says.

Meet people at the chapel and tell them about yourself.

Of all things, stop going to the novus ordo first. Sure, you erred in having a child out of wedlock, but don't add blasphemy to your sins.

The trads at the chapels are very understanding and a great lot of people.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #113 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:07:18 PM »

JohnGrey, it seems I cannot edit, but I wanted to apologize for how I worded my request to read my other post. I am afraid it sounds demanding and that is not my intention. I was just hoping it could give a little clearer picture of who I am. I sincerely apologize if my words suggest a dominating, unfeminine tone.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #114 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:10:35 PM »

Quote from: Capt McQuigg

Quote from: PenitentWoman
What, as a Catholic man, do you believe unwed mothers should have to do to be free from their shame?

What else should I do to repent?

Stop going to the novus ordo mass.

Marry the guy you had this beautiful child with - if he refuses... ...move on.

Start going to a Traditional Chapel. Go to Confession SOONEST and do whatever the priest says.

Meet people at the chapel and tell them about yourself.

Of all things, stop going to the novus ordo first. Sure, you erred in having a child out of wedlock, but don't add blasphemy to your sins.

The trads at the chapels are very understanding and a great lot of people.

Thank you. I have to drive a fair distance for TLM and is only offered once a month. Gas money is such a challenge for me but I know I need to figure it out.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #115 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:15:25 PM »

Quote from: Nishant2011

PW, I really empathize with your situation, and pray God gives you courage going ahead. Stay strong, I am sure divine help is on the way, and will find you in God's good time.

I will say a Rosary for you that God gives you a good Christian man to take care of you and your child.

Thank you so much for your kindness and prayers. Now I feel bad if it seems I am looking for sympathy. I truly just want to gain understanding. I genuinely want to do what is expected of me to do better so my child won't have to suffer. I can only make that happen through a husband.

PenitentWoman · « **Reply #116 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:41:26 PM »

I will just copy what I said on the other thread here. Not because I want people to feel sorry for me, but just because I wish to show that I am changed person and trying to change even further. Thank you.

I was "raised" Catholic but grew up in a terrible home. My mother was a liberal feminist and my father an adulterer. I had no positive influence. Mass and Catholic school was for appearance. I always loved going to church but had no support for true faith formation. Upon confirmation I tried to take my spirituality into my own hands, but after high school I was told I could no longer live at home. I had to go away to college at the lowest cost state school I could and my parents would help pay tuition if I worked.

These environments ruined me. I had radical feminist professors (both men and women) brainwashing the students and bashing religion entirely. I began to let these messages seep into me. I stopped going to mass. I took a job in a restaurant where provocative dress was required. I was led to believe my physical appearance was the only thing I had going for me.

I lost so much respect for myself. My parents divorced sending me into deep depression. My mom visited me and asked if I had been with a man yet. I told her I wanted to wait for marriage and she laughed at me. I felt worse and worse about myself I wondered why I even cared about my dignity if no one else seemed to. I had blocked out God so fully that I was just surrounded by darkness.

I found comfort where I should not have. A man who flattered me with his words but quickly became controlling and abusive. He would make fun of me for being a virgin and a "prude." We would go out and he would demand I not talk to other men but that I dress provocatively so he could show me off. Satan had such a grip on my heart that I really just gave up. I gave into this man's desires. I was so ashamed. There was no pleasure for me, just physical pain as he was very forceful with me. There is no worse shame then seeing in the mirror that you have allowed your body to be so used that you have bruises on you.

I became pregnant and being in the evil spot I was considered murdering the child. The father knew I did not use contraception but insisted I should have gotten the morning after pill. He said if I would have not put up a fight and let him sodomize me this would not have happened.

Only by the miracle of the rosary and Blessed Mother was I able to push enough evil out to not harm the sweet blessing God, for whatever reason, had trusted me with. The child's father was furious. He would go from begging me to have an abortion to outright rage and physical violence when I said I would not. He laughed at the idea of marrying a whore like me. He stopped speaking to me and denied paternity.

I confessed my sins. I was forgiven. I worked hard to heal but life for a single mother is so difficult. I cry everyday that I have to leave my daughter with others (strangers, really) so that I can support us. Each day on my lunch break and pump milk for my baby and pray the rosary and cry. I have tried to be as frugal as possible. I wash our clothes in the bathtub. I live in a scary apartment building because it is all I can afford. I fast as much as I can without harming my ability to produce milk. I take no welfare, as it is not up to my fellow taxpayers to pay for my poor choices.

Even doing all this, I still cannot make ends meet. I have had to take a second job. While I am glad this one is during my daughter's sleeping hours, and I do have a good sitter, I end up sleeping only 3 1/2 hours several nights a week. It is exhausting. The job (waitress) is not good for me morally, either, as the patrons flirt and harass me.

At my day job my boss harasses me for wearing very modest clothing. At NO mass I get looked at funny for covering my hair. My perverted neighbor who sees me when I get home tells me what a "waste of skin" my long skirts and my cardigans are. He tries to tempt me to sin by telling me how much money I could make and how much more time I would have with my daughter if I would work (humiliate and objectify myself) at the strip club where he is a bouncer.

The women in my life (even Catholic ones) tell me I need to stop obsessing over finding a husband. I need to "work on myself" and become more independent. They see my desire to serve only as a wife and mother as a sign of weakness. I know that no one owes me the ability to stay home with my daughter, but I never stop praying that maybe someday I can do so.

I feel like the Holy Spirit has called me to embrace Traditional Catholicism, but I am so afraid. I am ashamed to enter a church with no wedding ring. My beautiful daughter is living and breathing evidence of my terrible sin. I hate this for her. I am not sure how to raise her. I have read before, by a traditional Catholic priest, that I should keep her from other children as not to normalize her status as an out of wedlock child. This hurts so deeply.

All I want is for a righteous man to not be afraid of me. To see that Christ has forgiven me and see how hard I have worked to repent. All I want is for a man who can be a spiritual leader for myself and my daughter. Who can help us repair our incomplete family. A man who will love me as Christ loved the church, so that I can love and serve in my called vocation as wife, mother, and keeper of the home. Someone who will dry my tears, wrap his arms around me, and free mefrom the messages that I am a better woman to do all this on my own. I don't want to be a "proud single mother." I want to be a wife. I want to give my daughter a good father and a respectable home so that she can make better choices than I did.

All I can do is pray that someone out there won't think of me a loose whore. It is heartbreaking to hear such terms. There IS a social stigma for women life myself. I live it every single day. The shame is horrible. ;-(

P.S. There are workout clothes for women that are very modest, including modest skirts for running. Just thought I would share this.

Matthew · « **Reply #117 on:** July 06, 2012, 12:51:00 PM »

PenitentWoman,

Welcome to the forum. I really do hope you feel welcome here -- there are many Catholics on the right path here, who will genuinely try to help you.

My advice first of all is to remember that any forum this size is NOT going to be a big lump of good OR evil. When you have hundreds of members, you're going to have some good and bad fish in the mix -- and a lot of in-between. I'd like to think they're mostly good -- but don't be scandalized or depressed if you meet a "bad" one.

Regarding your situation --

Many other members have already given you good advice, but I would add that God even uses our SINS to our advantage, when we confess them and do penance for them.

"All things conspire unto good, for them that love the Lord."

Your situation is obviously difficult; it's not a situation anyone would WANT to be in. Nevertheless, it's not hopeless either.

I would recommend that you turn your situation into a motivation to grow spiritually. As someone pointed out (and got 2 thumbs-down for saying), there are certain realities that must be dealt with by any future spouse -- for example, a constant reminder that you were with another man first. A reminder for YOU as well as for him. And unlike with the case of marrying a widow, in your case the child's father is still alive, "out there somewhere".

BUT if you became, like your username, a "Penitent Woman", a Mary Magdalene, you could end up more faithful than many other women who haven't fallen, but MIGHT in the future. There are indeed men and women who marry as virgins but later on fall into adultery for a host of reasons -- and yes, this includes the Trad world.

I also recommend that you leave the Novus Ordo and move to a place closer to a Traditional Mass. You're right -- Novus Ordo Catholic men aren't going to be manly enough to let you stay home. They are thoroughly filled with the spirit and teachings of the world, including feminism. The Novus Ordo Mass itself is much more feminine, so any men that stick around are going to be SOMEWHAT feminine just by the fact that he's willing to endure it. The real men leave when they're about 16 to 18 years old. And the Novus Ordo makes NO attempt to make its members stand out from the Modern World. They will think that you should work, and should WANT to work. A Novus Ordo Catholic is unfortunately no different than any random modern person on the street, sad to say.

It sounds like you don't have a "career" type job now anyhow -- you mentioned not earning much at each job. If you moved to the right location (with jobs available for someone with your qualifications), you could end up near a Traditional Mass. And at such a locale you could indeed meet someone who would let you stay home with the kids, etc.

But plenty of men realize that a truly penitent Mary Magdalene is less of a liability than a feminist-leaning Catholic that attends the Traditional Latin Mass every Sunday.

God has created millions of people each with a unique situation -- there is someone out there for you, if God wills that you be married. And you can't exactly assume otherwise at this point -- you have a child. So you can cross off "the religious life" from your potential vocations list. And you're right -- a child needs a father.

But the advice for single men and women is the same -- trust in God, focus on improving your spiritual life so that you're a better and better "catch". Some men will cross you off their list, while others will give you more attention.

Especially since, as you describe in your post, your situation isn't exactly "typical" of a single mother.

Another thing -- Traditional men are attracted by different things than modern men -- at least what they're "supposedly attracted to", as portrayed by the modern media. A feminine young lady in a long skirt wearing a veil is precisely what guys like me (married men) have to guard ourselves against -- we don't have to put up much effort to keep ourselves from being attracted to trashy or worldly women.

P.S. I enabled your account so you can receive Private Messages early -- normally there's a waiting period on this forum for that privilege (to prevent spammers).

Thorn · « **Reply #118 on:** July 06, 2012, 01:08:12 PM »

I read PW's post last nite & quite frankly didn't quite believe the story. A few things just didn't add up but I didn't down thumb her. Neither did I respond.
So now that I see the others' responses & have had time to think & at the risk of an onslaught of thumbs down - I still hesitate to believe this story for several reasons.
I apologize upfront if I'm off the wall or wrong in this to PW, but I'm being truthful.

Matthew · « **Reply #119 on:** July 06, 2012, 01:11:03 PM »

Quote

I have read before, by a traditional Catholic priest, that I should keep her from other children as not to normalize her status as an out of wedlock child. This hurts so deeply.

I don't know what priest told you this, but you can have your child associate with any children you wish -- in fact, I would encourage you to choose good Catholics for your child's playmates.