Author Topic: Advice on Marriage and Adultery (Read 1011 times)

holysoulsacademy · « **on:** December 19, 2013, 05:23:37 PM »

I was recently asked for advice on what to do to about a possibly adulterous second marriage. A lady friend of someone very close to me asked for advice regarding her second marriage. She was married the first time in the Church. She and her husband eventually became estranged, separated and lost touch. She met another man and got married civilly. A few years ago she asked to come to our SSPX priest for confession and to receive absolution. When she finished she was very upset and said the priest would not absolve her unless she separates from the man she currently is civilly married to. She did not quite understand, and pretty much left it at that. Recently though, she got word that her husband from Church died. And now she wants to try to go to confession and receive absolution. I told her if she is truly contrite, and wishes to make amends, she should do so immediately, as she is very fortunate as it is to still be alive to do so. I told her that many others do not have the opportunity to make amends. She got very upset at my statement, and said I should not have said that to her. Where did I go wrong? I thought all along as she was asking for advice and had been very candid and casual about discussing her predicament that I was free to be casual with my comments and not as reserved as I would normally have been. Should I have just referred her to the priest and shut up?

Frances · « **Reply #1 on:** December 19, 2013, 06:04:50 PM »

:dancing-banana:Probably. The fact that she didn't recognise her civil marriage for a sin precludes absolution. At this point, I'd let go of offering advice.

Mabel · « **Reply #2 on:** December 19, 2013, 06:23:02 PM »

You never know how people will take things, especially when all of Hell is working to keep them chained to their sins.

You might have been more careful but maybe not. Asking if there was anything you could do to help, as these things can be complex, might have been better.

Thorn · « **Reply #3 on:** December 20, 2013, 01:44:36 AM »

Don't feel too badly, holysoulsacademy; for what it's worth I would have told her the same thing. She asked you for advice instead of asking a priest & you answered her honestly. Just think of it as 'cushioning' her for the advice that the priest is going to give her. She's going to have to live as brother &sister with her 'husband' until she goes to confession & marries in the church. She must have respected your opinion in order to have asked you the second time. She was probably hoping you'd disagree with the priest and tell her all is well when it is not. If she gets upset with the truth, that's on her not you. She asked you. You told her the truth.

poche · « **Reply #4 on:** December 20, 2013, 02:00:00 AM »

Even if the first husband is dead they wont give her absolution until either she seperates from the man she is civily married to or until that union is convalidated within the Catholic Church.

Neil Obstat · « **Reply #5 on:** December 20, 2013, 07:01:39 AM »

.

Advice on adultery: Don't do it.

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Neil Obstat · « **Reply #6 on:** December 20, 2013, 07:08:40 AM »

Quote from: holysoulsacademy

I was recently asked for advice on what to do to about a possibly adulterous second marriage. A lady friend of someone very close to me asked for advice regarding her second marriage. She was married the first time in the Church. She and her husband eventually became estranged, separated and lost touch. She met another man and got married civilly. A few years ago she asked to come to our SSPX priest for confession and to receive absolution. When she finished she was very upset and said the priest would not absolve her unless she separates from the man she currently is civilly married to. She did not quite understand, and pretty much left it at that. Recently though, she got word that her husband from Church died. And now she wants to try to go to confession and receive absolution. I told her if she is truly contrite, and wishes to make amends, she should do so immediately, as she is very fortunate as it is to still be alive to do so. I told her that many others do not have the opportunity to make amends. She got very upset at my statement, and said I should not have said that to her. Where did I go wrong? I thought all along as she was asking for advice and had been very candid and casual about discussing her predicament that I was free to be casual with my comments and not as reserved as I would normally have been. Should I have just referred her to the priest and shut up?

Here's what I think happened:

You alluded to the fact that she is still alive, and mentioned that other people are not alive. Your ladyfriend, IMHO, is superstitious, and believes that when you say something that touches on her mortality you are thereby TAKING AWAY YEARS from her life, because when you say "you will die someday" or anything like that (you said she's fortunate to still be alive) you injure her karma or whatever.

This is a pagan superstition but just the same there are people who believe in it.

What I would do is to gently tell her that it's superstitious and has no basis in truth, and she has much more important things to think about, so she's best off just forgetting about jinxes and hoaxes like this.

It's not 7 years bad luck to break a mirror or to walk under a ladder or to cross the path of a black cat. But don't say all that at once because it might be too upsetting for her!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
.

Joe · « **Reply #7 on:** December 20, 2013, 07:14:45 AM »

Quote from: Neil Obstat

Quote from: holysoulsacademy
I was recently asked for advice on what to do to about a possibly adulterous second marriage. A lady friend of someone very close to me asked for advice regarding her second marriage. She was married the first time in the Church. She and her husband eventually became estranged, separated and lost touch. She met another man and got married civilly. A few years ago she asked to come to our SSPX priest for confession and to receive absolution. When she finished she was very upset and said the priest would not absolve her unless she separates from the man she currently is civilly married to. She did not quite understand, and pretty much left it at that. Recently though, she got word that her husband from Church died. And now she wants to try to go to confession and receive absolution. I told her if she is truly contrite, and wishes to make amends, she should do so immediately, as she is very fortunate as it is to still be alive to do so. I told her that many others do not have the opportunity to make amends. She got very upset at my statement, and said I should not have said that to her. Where did I go wrong? I thought all along as she was asking for advice and had been very candid and casual about discussing her predicament that I was free to be casual with my comments and not as reserved as I would normally have been. Should I have just referred her to the priest and shut up?

Here's what I think happened:

You alluded to the fact that she is still alive, and mentioned that other people are not alive. Your ladyfriend, IMHO, is superstitious, and believes that when you say something that touches on her mortality you are thereby TAKING AWAY YEARS from her life, because when you say "you will die someday" or anything like that (you said she's fortunate to still be alive) you injure her karma or whatever.

This is a pagan superstition but just the same there are people who believe in it.

What I would do is to gently tell her that it's superstitious and has no basis in truth, and she has much more important things to think about, so she's best off just forgetting about jinxes and hoaxes like this.

It's not 7 years bad luck to break a mirror or to walk under a ladder or to cross the path of a black cat. But don't say all that at once because it might be too upsetting for her!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
.

Pretty big assumption there Neil...

Quasimodo · « **Reply #8 on:** December 20, 2013, 07:17:06 AM »

You implied that if she hadn't been fortunate enough to live to reconcile she could end up in hell. It is likely this is why she is offended. It is likely that she doesn't view her civil marriage the way the Church does.

stbrighidswell · « **Reply #9 on:** December 20, 2013, 11:12:31 AM »

She wants absolution but does not want the work or hassle involved. You were perfectly right in what you said.