Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Catholic Living in the Modern World => Topic started by: jman123 on July 13, 2012, 11:45:44 AM
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I found this on another forum. I would like your thoughts on this.
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Today, I had to visit a relative at a nursery home. He does not want to be there, and I can't blame him. It's basically a place to have him and other seniors wait to die. I once heard a trad priest say in a sermon that since our parents took care of us when no one else would, and we were helpless, we are obligated to the same when they are old. The Fifth Commandment. I would never want my grandparents or my mother in such a situation. Needless to say, I would not want to be in one myself.
Unfortunately, we can't do much since we are only distant relatives. I simply would like some trad. Cath. thoughts on this issue.
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Jman,
Its disgusting how the culture today has perpetuated this idea that the elderly are somehow a burden. I've seen these types of places as well, and they are really sad. You said it well when you said they're places for people to 'wait and die'. Many of those care workers are immigrants who studied in other countries and aren't sufficiently trained as nurses. When I was a firefighter and would arrive at calls at these homes, I was appalled at the lack of basic medical understanding some of these people had; it was negligence, as far as I'm concerned.
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I agree with both of you. It is so sad. I can't stand to walk in there, let alone work in such a place. Human life is disposable and people are selfish. Plus, there is no one at home anymore to take care of the elderly relatives or even the children.
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I take it that you are far away. Who is medical advisor, in the family? Can a priest come by every 6 weeks to bring the sacraments? It is difficult to get information of a patient when there are so many private things that can not be told. Be sure to have Masses said for these residents. You can visit and watch and still their care is just not enough or how we would do it if we could at home. We cared for our mom for 8 months as long as God would allow. Mom was in a care facility for a year before her death. One nurse was relieved of her duties for over dosing mom, she was diabetic. The over dosing was on purpose to get an ambulance to take her to the hospital of which my husband worked in Pharmacy. Mom was over dose whenever there was a 3 day weekend, and that is how the nurse was caught. I kept a journal, but still, these residents still could get better care. To few caregivers per residents also.
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Songbird I'm so sorry about your mom's experience, what an evil person.
Sometimes it's nearly impossible to care for someone at home. I've known spouses that just could not handle the physical demands of caring for someone. Sometimes people are combatitive too.
Some nursing home are terrible but there are nice ones too but these are privately funded only more affluent people go there. There are Catholic ones that have Mass in the mornings.
I know of a small plain one and the care is great. My Aunt had one out of her home for several years and she is an excellent nurse. When she was not there her friends would be there so they were always with a registered nurse.
Many are terrible though and have only the minimum of staff and some of the staff neglects the patients. If these places would lower the ratio of nurse assistants to patients it would make a world of difference.
If you are in the US consider purchasing long term care insurance for yourself and your parents. You can get a policy that provides some home health care to help the patient at home longer.
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Wow, it would be great to have a True Catholic owned and operated care facility! And with euthanasia the way it is, and it is even behind our backs, without even signing anything I see our life expendency short.
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long term care insurance for yourself and your parents.
The above insurance becomes very prohibitively expensive when your parents reach 60 years of age. My father had to drop this insurance for he and my mother due to the horrendous cost. They are both fit and healthy non smokers. My father is also relativity affluent. The cost was just too high.
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So sad. :cry:
Around Christmas time I started taking the baby to visit the nursing home that is right by where we live. Elderly people just seem to love babies. We have started making it a regular thing for after mass on Sundays since we have no family obligations like other people do. It is so sad to me how few of the residents have visitors that come, especially on Sunday of all days.
One of the ladies has knit 2 hats and a blanket for my little girl. So sweet.
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This obscene situation is a direct result of no more Nursing Sisters, no more great convents, no vocations.
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
We are supposed to have nuns help us die properly.
We had the Ursulines, The Alexis Brothers, Daughters of Charity, Sisters of Mercy etc. etc. etc. to care for the sick and dying. Also, the presence of these religious taught society how to deal with illness and death.
My first job in High School was at a nursing home, part of a property of an abandoned convent. This whole issue is an atrocity. Even priests can't get their fellow priests over for Last Rites. Just imagine how many people are going to Hell; it's sick!
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So sad. :cry:
Around Christmas time I started taking the baby to visit the nursing home that is right by where we live. Elderly people just seem to love babies. We have started making it a regular thing for after mass on Sundays since we have no family obligations like other people do. It is so sad to me how few of the residents have visitors that come, especially on Sunday of all days.
One of the ladies has knit 2 hats and a blanket for my little girl. So sweet.
Maybe you could bring her some yarn, look next time you are at a thrift store, look on Craigslist or just ask around, there might be a knitter in your parish with a stash of yarn and she would be thrilled to give some to a nursing home resident. Caron Simply Soft is a soft yarn and it's about $3.50 a skein @ Wal-Mart.
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So sad. :cry:
Around Christmas time I started taking the baby to visit the nursing home that is right by where we live. Elderly people just seem to love babies. We have started making it a regular thing for after mass on Sundays since we have no family obligations like other people do. It is so sad to me how few of the residents have visitors that come, especially on Sunday of all days.
One of the ladies has knit 2 hats and a blanket for my little girl. So sweet.
Maybe you could bring her some yarn, look next time you are at a thrift store, look on Craigslist or just ask around, there might be a knitter in your parish with a stash of yarn and she would be thrilled to give some to a nursing home resident. Caron Simply Soft is a soft yarn and it's about $3.50 a skein @ Wal-Mart.
Great idea! I will do this. :smile:
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Nursing homes are a sad reflection of modern life.
Medicine has allowed people to live longer, but not necessarily healthier. This often means that the elderly today require care that a family member (usually a female, often with children still at home - thus the term the "sandwich generation") is simply not able to give. I've known several people who have had to put a loved one in a nursing home; the decision was not made easily, and did not bring any happiness. But when caring for an elderly parent begins to consume a household, there is nothing morally wrong in looking for help elsewhere.
As for the care given in nursing homes, it's true that there are good and bad examples. Unfortunately, like in many areas, money talks. Additionally, the vast majority of nursing home patients are Medicare recipients, which pays next to nothing. This means that the homes must, in turn, pay the lowest wages to healthcare personnel, which tends to attract the least professional, least attentive caregivers. It also means that many homes are woefully understaffed for the amount of patients they have.
As a nurse, I used to get nursing home patients in my hospital ward (telemetry). I would never say that the patients we got were neglected, but some were better cared for than others. The best cared for patients were the ones that had attentive staff and attentive family. Sad to say, we used to often get patients in the hospital who never had a visit or even a phone call from family, but the nursing home nurses would call and check up on them.
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Nursing homes are a sad reflection of modern life.
Medicine has allowed people to live longer, but not necessarily healthier. This often means that the elderly today require care that a family member (usually a female, often with children still at home - thus the term the "sandwich generation") is simply not able to give. I've known several people who have had to put a loved one in a nursing home; the decision was not made easily, and did not bring any happiness. But when caring for an elderly parent begins to consume a household, there is nothing morally wrong in looking for help elsewhere.
As for the care given in nursing homes, it's true that there are good and bad examples. Unfortunately, like in many areas, money talks. Additionally, the vast majority of nursing home patients are Medicare recipients, which pays next to nothing. This means that the homes must, in turn, pay the lowest wages to healthcare personnel, which tends to attract the least professional, least attentive caregivers. It also means that many homes are woefully understaffed for the amount of patients they have.
As a nurse, I used to get nursing home patients in my hospital ward (telemetry). I would never say that the patients we got were neglected, but some were better cared for than others. The best cared for patients were the ones that had attentive staff and attentive family. Sad to say, we used to often get patients in the hospital who never had a visit or even a phone call from family, but the nursing home nurses would call and check up on them.
Modern society is bad in a way on treating the elderly.
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We would bring the family dog to visit, a pekingnese. He was born blind and he was gentle and his nose was very strong. After a year of visiting, he licked one patient too much and that resident died within a week. The residents love dogs and when our dog would come to visit, he got so excited, because he loves getting his lovin's. A resident asked, is your dog a therapy dog. Well, no, but his therapy is getting his lovin's.
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When I said our dog licked a patient and they died later, I don't mean our dog did it. Ha! But he did this with our mom before she died as well, animals know.
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My mother had a severe stroke in 2001. She was 62. Ever since then, my husband and I have had to care for her. (I have only 1 brother.) For 2 years, she lived with her sister, which didn't go very well. She was not taken care of properly, her weight ballooned and she didn't get her meds. She has been with us since. It is very difficult to care for an aged parent, especially when you have small children. But a few years ago, mother had to have bilateral hip replacements. The surgery and recovery is difficult for a healthy person, but especially so for a disabled one.
Reluctantly, I had to have her placed in the nursing home for her recovery. She has only Medicare and it would not pay for her to stay home and receive 24 hour nursing care. She was in the home for 9 months.
Our family went daily to visit. Every single day, my mother was highly medicated on pain pills. This is what they do to them. It is easier that way.
My mother was one of the lucky ones. We brought her milkshakes and Easter candy. My children made little things for her and brought books to read to her.
But others were not so lucky.
Also, there are a lot of mentally ill patients in these homes. Some of them are dangerous to the other patients and often spend all day tied to their beds. It is horrible.
I was glad to bring my mother home.
It is very, very hard to care for her, but I would rather do that than put her back in the home.
Sadly, so many elderly people have no one at all that is willing to care for them.
My neighbor is 87. Over the last 3 years she has suffered a general decline in health. She has 3 sons and a host of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She lives alone. Not one single person is willing to move in for a short period of time to care for her. I used to go over frequently and check on her. It is very sad. She kept falling a lot and finally the DR's said she had to have 24 hour care or go to the home. They hired a nurse. Very sad.
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Every now and then nurses go on strike in Ireland or give out about wages and hours. Things were much better when the hospitals were managed by religious sisters. Sadly in Ireland, newly qualified nurses usually take up jobs in other countries as the hospitals usually hire Filipina or other immigrants.
Now our Health Service is managed by man whose background is in 'family planning' and openly a pro-abortion campaigner. The Irish Health Minister appointed him in recent days and featured on other threads on Cath Info.
A few years ago, a few hundred of us literally stopped a euthanasia doctor from giving a talk in a hospital in Cork. Maundy Thursday night.
This thread is very necessary and we need to be vigilant regarding nursing homes and hospitals.
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So sad. :cry:
Around Christmas time I started taking the baby to visit the nursing home that is right by where we live. Elderly people just seem to love babies. We have started making it a regular thing for after mass on Sundays since we have no family obligations like other people do. It is so sad to me how few of the residents have visitors that come, especially on Sunday of all days.
One of the ladies has knit 2 hats and a blanket for my little girl. So sweet.
Maybe you could bring her some yarn, look next time you are at a thrift store, look on Craigslist or just ask around, there might be a knitter in your parish with a stash of yarn and she would be thrilled to give some to a nursing home resident. Caron Simply Soft is a soft yarn and it's about $3.50 a skein @ Wal-Mart.
Great idea! I will do this. :smile:
I was finally able to do this. I really think I made her day. She was listing off ideas almost immediately. :)
I can't wait until next week. I want to bring in a basket of veggies for this sweet old man who talks a lot about gardening.
Days like these I am reminded not to complain about my loneliness.
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Of late I have been reading St. Louis de Montfort's writings.
My past experience has been working as a Nursing Home Administrator. I always tried to make the nursing home as warm, resident centered and as much as like home as possible. However it was very hard! One had to go by the staffing ratio according to what corporate said it should be. I would recommend doing much research to determine a good one to send your loved one to. There are good ones out there!
Getting back to St Louis de Montfort, I came across one he wrote to the directoress of a home he was starting for the poor incurables (A home which we would call Hospice today). I let my imagine go and imagined a place like that now, without any government intervention and with the freedom to set up a home dedicated totally to God and the Holy Cross, with people who work for the poor incurables with the characteristics St. Louis de Montforts lists. Here it is:
"LETTER 33
[To Mlle Dauvaise, directress of the house for incurables at Nantes, 4 April 1716]
From the mission at Saint-Laurent-sur-Sèvre
4th of April, 1716
May Jesus and his Cross reign forever!
I count on the inexhaustible wealth of the motherly divine Providence which has never failed us in all we have undertaken for the glory of God and I reply quite frankly that I think you ought to obtain the lease for the house in question provided that the persons who are going to care for the poor incurables have the following qualities:
1. They must rely entirely on the unknown and invisible help of divine Providence whether they are rich or poor or whether they have any learning or not. They must not rely on any human help or their own natural talents.
2. They must all follow the same rule in its totality and punctually and have the same spiritual director. If any of the ladies has money and special qualifications she must not expect any privileges, say, exemption from community life or the rule, or the right to choose another director.
3. Finally, if this is God's work, they must be ready to suffer all kinds of crosses cheerfully. For this is the house of the Cross and it must not be given any other name. The first thing you must do is to erect a cross, with the Bishop's permission, so that the name, the grace and the glory of the Cross will always be associated with this house. Erect a very simple cross in the middle of the garden or the courtyard until funds can be found to provide a better one. This cross is the first item to be taken into the new house. Ask our good priest friend to bless it or to send someone to bless it.
When I heard about this new foundation at Nantes, I considered sending you two Daughters of Wisdom who are working among the poor in this diocese. One is about forty years of age, I believe, and both are suitable for this work. Let us pray that God may make his holy will clear to us.
Dear Lord, how very few really obedient, prudent and self-sacrificing young ladies are to be found today! They are all so self-sufficient, or rather each one feels that she is, even if she does not say so openly.
I think young women who present themselves to join the two already mentioned and have the above-mentioned qualities, should be accepted even if they come from other parts of the country. They would be more suitable for the beginning of this new foundation, if it is to be founded on "living stones".
I greet with great respect Monsieur Du Portail and those good people who have joined us in this charitable work so dear to the Heart of Jesus who suffered more than any of us.
If the Bishop of Nantes agrees (and I would not arrive without his permission) I will be in Nantes on the evening of the 5th of May. I am enclosing a short letter to his Lordship. I send respectful greetings to Fr. Barrin and ask him to take my letter to Fr. de Vertamont to present it to the Bishop. If the latter refuses to allow me to stay in Nantes for two weeks resting from my missionary work - and I will go there only if I receive permission to say Mass - then I will know for certain that it is not God's holy will that I go. In submitting to a prohibition, I truly and firmly believe, as if it were an article of faith, that everything will go even better with you than if I were present.
I beg the prayers of all the "Friends of the Cross" so that God will not punish my sins and refuse true conversion of heart to all the poor who listen to my preaching."
This was taken from www.monfort.org/uk
Would not that be wonderful if there was a hospice such as this?