[MrsZ]

I have lately been reading various responses both here and on other forums admonishing the posters who have asked questions about their personal concerns.  Issues related to their marriage or relationships with relatives and friends.  For myself, in the past, and these posters, I believe the reason they are being posted to a anonymous forum is because they have no one else they can ask or talk to about such sensitive matters. Now, I heartily agree that certain words and subjects should not just be put out on a public forum due to the offensive nature of some problems.  

But the question I have is about the admonition that one is potentially gossiping about one's self or others and that they're at fault of exposing the sins and faults of people in their lives. If one goes to a priest and talks about a particular issue, outside the confessional, and it involves another person (which it always seems to), is that gossip?  Or is the reason for seeking help a mitigating factor that diminishes culpability in creating scandal?

Also, I thought that an anonymous forum was ... well, anonymous. I don't post my name or the names of people in my life .. I don't describe my location or other factors that would identify who I am or who anyone else is.  How can anyone know who is saying what about whom?

I am wholly ignorant on this matter and trying to educate myself on the proper manner in which to conduct myself in particular on these forums.  

Thank you.

[Telesphorus]

That's a pretty good observation.

You'll notice it's not so much the actual people they are worried about, but rather the theoretical person.  There can a be a tendency to judge people according by the description of who they are rather than by the description of what they do, even when those people unnamed.

It gives a lot of insight into the prejudices that exist.

[Telesphorus]

Unnamed people, however, may not want their close relations soliciting advice from complete strangers and putting their story out for the world to see, even if no one can figure out who they are.

[Matthew]

Unnamed people, however, may not want their close relations soliciting advice from complete strangers and putting their story out for the world to see, even if no one can figure out who they are.

...but, when it comes right down to it, it's too bad for them.

There is no gossip, detraction, or anything else involved when a person isn't NAMED or IDENTIFIED.

All those sins of the tongue involve taking away the GOOD NAME of one's neighbor. But if you are talking about a nameless hypothetical, there is no NAME involved. It's simple.

Now if you give enough information that everyone -- or even just some people -- can figure it out, that's a different story. It is considered IDENTIFYING THEM, which is the same as naming them, for morality purposes.

So if my wife posted something in the Anonymous forum, "My husband, who runs a traditional Catholic forum...did such and such." might as well post, "Matthew did such and such" because there aren't a whole lot of trad Catholic fora.

Or even if she said, "He works from home, and he doesn't help out enough with our 5 kids." that would probably narrow it down a bit too much! A) Cathinfo poster B) Male C) works from home D) 5 kids

So if you're going to ask a question like that, better make sure you don't give yourself (or the person) away!

Or if you mention that you gave the Fathers razors during their visit, then you mention that same detail in the anonymous post. Things like that can link you, so you have to be careful. There are a lot of detectives here on CathInfo -- amateur ones, at least.

[Telesphorus]

I think there is a problem with going to ask strangers and posting details of one's personal life, even if it is anonymous.

Ultimately, the information will be there forever and it is possible that identities will be disclosed.

I don't think it's detraction, but I do think it is disrespectful.

I think it's disrespectful to one's spouse to air one's dirty laundry in public and ask for advice from strangers.

[Telesphorus]

It's bad enough in an age of rampant liberalism, when the advice of priests in the confessional is not as reliable as it should be.

But to have a family member confiding (in public) to a strange forum with deeply personal matters.

Well, it seems rather disrespectful.

[Tiffany]

I think there is a problem with going to ask strangers and posting details of one's personal life, even if it is anonymous.

Ultimately, the information will be there forever and it is possible that identities will be disclosed.

I don't think it's detraction, but I do think it is disrespectful.

I think it's disrespectful to one's spouse to air one's dirty laundry in public and ask for advice from strangers.

I think it's definitely part of modern times that people have less and less  modestly when it comes to this. There should be a natural sense of not wanting to  show problems and embarrassment when it may be necessary. Also a natural sense of not wanting to bear false witness against your neighbor.  It's a difficult spot for Christian spouses who are abused.

[MrsZ]

It's interesting that many people will confess just about anything to acquaintances and friends ... but suggest they might want to to go Confession and they become offended.  It's apparent to me that our Confessional culture comes from psychiatry and talk shows like The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Maybe some of the specific things we're referring to here, things that can cause scandal, that are too personal, too intimate .. weren't issues in the past because 1) it was CLEAR that some of these things were outright sins .. and 2) you didn't have things like NFP that muddied the waters of comprehension.  

Most people just got married and had children, come what may.  

I am nostalgic for a time when there was more trust in God and an acceptance of the mystery of our lives.  

We're inundated with information these days .. and we are burdened with having to know and make decisions about so many things, such as our health, our children's educations, keeping our marriages "going" because you can't just relax, ever, due to the no fault divorce laws and people jumping ship all the time ... parenting issues, work issues.  

It's maddening.