Author Topic: Non - Catholic Husband (Read 4416 times)

Cantarella · « **on:** June 06, 2013, 09:29:35 PM »

Hello all,

I am "cradle" Catholic raised in the Novus Ordo, grew apart from the Faith in my teenager years, and since my first daughter was born I have returned to the Catholic Faith, never to come back to the Novus Ordo. I attend a SSPX Chapel now. The problem is that I married a non- Catholic man. Not only he is not Catholic but he is anti-Catholic, raised in a ultra feminist, liberal, and pagan environment. We married in a Novus Ordo ceremony back in my early youth.

He is a good man, and a good provider. We have 3 children now. He works extremely rough hours so I can stay home and homeschool the children even though he is opposed to the idea of traditional roles. He does not interfere with the children being raised Catholic and even takes us to and from Church, but I know too well, the importance of a father in leading the family's Faith. I worry that my children will not grow up to be real Catholics if he does not convert from the heart and not matter how much I try, my children will always have that relativistic, egalitarian, progressive views that his father continuously displays and that I am so against.

What should I do? Is there anyway I can help my husband convert? or should I just accept my mistake, bear my cross, give up and accept that there will never be real unity in our home?

Thank you!

magdalena · « **Reply #1 on:** June 06, 2013, 09:57:04 PM »

Do not give up. Pray as did Saint Monica for her son, Saint Augustine. The Rosary, of course, should be your top priority. In addition, there are many prayers, offerings and penances that could be done. I don't know why but The Litany of Humility comes to mind. Others on the forum will probably have some better suggestions. God bless.

Litany of Humility
by Cardinal Merry Del Val

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,
Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I,
provided that I become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #2 on:** June 06, 2013, 10:09:46 PM »

I can't believe what you wrote, it is as if I wrote this myself. You described exactly my husband when we married over 50 years ago.

He would even tell me someday, he will write a book and title it; "Dennis M. vs. the Catholic Church". Why did I marry him? He too was a good man, very honest, promised he would not, and he did not interfere with the children being raised Catholic. Was extremely generous with his money toward the Church. We married at the beginning of the end, 1961, I was already losing grace.

Each time I went to Mass, I would complain to him, that the Church was changing and did not reflect the teachings anymore that I was taught. Well to make a long story short, he is the one who found the Traditional Chapel for me via the newspaper, he clipped out an ad, that invited Catholics to come hear a lecture about the changes in the church, that was in 1981.

After I quite the NO, and only attended the Traditional way of life, my husband slowly, very slowly converted, so slow I didn't even notice at first. He started going to Mass with me, started reading a little here and there. Finally my Traditional priest asked him when he was going to be baptised and he said, "I need a Godfather, will you be my Godfather?"

My husband passed away 7 months ago, a Traditional Catholic, he had the kind of death we all pray for. Had a priest there as he took his last breath, the family praying the 15 decade of the rosary, the night before he had the Last Rites, and Apostolic blessing, He was quite aware as he took his last breath, pointing upward and saying..."hurry up", just minutes prior to his end of the world.

Conspiracy_Factist · « **Reply #3 on:** June 06, 2013, 10:37:45 PM »

Quote from: Cantarella

Hello all,

I am "cradle" Catholic raised in the Novus Ordo, grew apart from the Faith in my teenager years, and since my first daughter was born I have returned to the Catholic Faith, never to come back to the Novus Ordo. I attend a SSPX Chapel now. The problem is that I married a non- Catholic man. Not only he is not Catholic but he is anti-Catholic, raised in a ultra feminist, liberal, and pagan environment. We married in a Novus Ordo ceremony back in my early youth.

He is a good man, and a good provider. We have 3 children now. He works extremely rough hours so I can stay home and homeschool the children even though he is opposed to the idea of traditional roles. He does not interfere with the children being raised Catholic and even takes us to and from Church, but I know too well, the importance of a father in leading the family's Faith. I worry that my children will not grow up to be real Catholics if he does not convert from the heart and not matter how much I try, my children will always have that relativistic, egalitarian, progressive views that his father continuously displays and that I am so against.

What should I do? Is there anyway I can help my husband convert? or should I just accept my mistake, bear my cross, give up and accept that there will never be real unity in our home?

Thank you!

you're in a better situation than me as i have a novus order wife who is practicing birth control, I've had no success in converting, she's 40 with 3 kids and says there's no way we'll have more, I'm ok not having relations with her although she's starting to really show her frustration, let me know if you have any success, good luck.

songbird · « **Reply #4 on:** June 06, 2013, 10:48:22 PM »

gooch: It is my opinion that this is serious reason for you and your wife to try Mucus signs and if she says no, oh well, but it would be a way to have her see what God has designed. I have seen changes in others.

Zeitun · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2013, 10:59:43 PM »

I also married a non-Catholic when I fell away from the Faith and he has converted to Tradition. I prayed the Novena to the Holy Ghost and made many sacrifices (fasting) for his conversion. He has learned to lead the family in prayer and has rejected his former worldly/feminist views. Deo gratias!

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #6 on:** June 07, 2013, 12:32:09 AM »

If he's anti-Catholic, he isn't likely to convert. Magdalena is correct that you shouldn't give up, but I've had experience with those types of people. They are extremely difficult to convert.

Continue to pray for his conversion, ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to interceed and lead him to the truth, and never stop trying to push him to accept the Catholic Faith. Please be assured of my prayers.

God Bless.

Marlelar · « **Reply #7 on:** June 07, 2013, 01:34:13 AM »

Never give up, take St. Monica as your patron.

Perhaps this burden has been allowed for you in order for YOU to grow in your faith. We learn from the hardships we endure and in 10, 20, 40 years you will be a stronger Catholic and able to pass on the wisdom you have gained.

Marsha

MyrnaM · « **Reply #8 on:** June 07, 2013, 07:55:29 AM »

Quote from: ServusSpiritusSancti

If he's anti-Catholic, he isn't likely to convert. Magdalena is correct that you shouldn't give up, but I've had experience with those types of people. They are extremely difficult to convert.

Continue to pray for his conversion, ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to interceed and lead him to the truth, and never stop trying to push him to accept the Catholic Faith. Please be assured of my prayers.

God Bless.

My own opinion is, it's easier to convert an anti-Catholic (or someone who says they are one) than someone already steeped within their own false religion. In my particular case and looking back I doubt my husband's heart was really anti-Catholic, he liked to tease me. I doubt your husband is truly anti-Catholic either, usually a true anti-Catholic would never allow their children to be raised Catholic. Think about it, why would they, if they themselves are so against it.

I will confess, while my husband and I were together during Vatican II, and I went to the novus ordo weekly, he stayed home, I did not pray for him very often, just a little at certain moments, it didn't seem important enough. After I came home to the true Church, I begged, pleaded with God for his conversion. That is the difference between the novus ordo and the True religion. GRACE. It was at this point, that we did argue about religion, when his heart was changing, and he was fighting it. He would often say, religion was a crutch, and isn't it! A crutch we all need.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #9 on:** June 07, 2013, 08:01:09 AM »

Not to change the subject, but I find it kind of disturbing that so many devout women choose irreligious men to marry.

So many accounts of marriage among trads seem to be of people who were not practicing the religion when they became involved. Now in part that's to be expected because of the times we're, but when it's seen even at a forum like this, it makes it seem that Catholic courtship has been badly broken for a long time and men who want to court women according to the teachings of the religion are at a major disadvantage and in a bad position to find good wives.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #10 on:** June 07, 2013, 09:09:36 AM »

I am the last person who wants to look as if I am encouraging mixed marriages, because I am not.

I have seen young traditional Catholics marry each other and they both fell away into a false religion, raising their children in a man made religion.

I have seen a person, traditional Catholic marry a non Catholic and the non Catholic later converted and brought their original traditional spouse even closer to the Church.

The point being, we never know how things are really going to work out.

Instead of praying your children marry a Traditional Catholic, pray they marry according to the will of God. Ask God to find someone, might be he has chosen your child to bring another into the fold. Just because you or yours marry a traditional Catholic does not always mean it is a marriage made from heaven.

In my case, my husband before we married was a better man than most Catholics, he was more honest, more ambitious, more protective. etc.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #11 on:** June 07, 2013, 09:17:08 AM »

Quote

I am the last person who wants to look as if I am encouraging mixed marriages, because I am not.

Except your whole post was exactly that!

Particularly the part about the husband being "better" than "most Catholics."

You didn't have to marry "most Catholics."

I'm not criticizing your marriage Myrna:

You make it sound as though there other more important than religion, that Catholics easily fall away and heathens easily convert, as to make it almost sound indifferent.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #12 on:** June 07, 2013, 09:20:51 AM »

Tele, all I am saying is pray to marry according to the will of God, that is the most important part about our religion, isn't it. Everything else will fall in place for you.

All my friends married Catholics and today, none of them are Catholic, none attend Church anymore or if they do its the novus ordo.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #13 on:** June 07, 2013, 09:22:30 AM »

The natural and Divine laws do, however, repudiate and prohibit such marriages as tend to frustrate the primary ends of marriage by exposing believers and their offspring to the loss of their Catholic faith, and this prohibition continues in force so long as the danger exists and no proportionately grave cause dictates the necessity of such marriage.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #14 on:** June 07, 2013, 09:24:48 AM »

Whatever!