So a couple years ago a Protestant friend of mine, whose marriage was on the rocks, asked me whether I thought that Jesus allowed for remarriage. Considering myself a Protestant at the time and ashamedly one of those who was not so educated about my faith, I assumed of course she could because everyone around here does it.  I mean we live in the “Bible Belt,” in fact there is a billboard in a neighboring town offering civil divorces for as low as $300. Looking back I now think the reason she even asked was because she had some suspicions that Jesus did not allow for remarriage and just hoped I would say of course, but for some reason I didn’t say what I thought and decided to research the issue more closely. I quickly discovered, as I’m sure most of you believe that he did not and that it is an ongoing mortal sin. Although it was very hard for me to bring myself to believe that all these people I knew, who seemed like god-fearing people, were going to hell because they had made a mistake and married the wrong person earlier in life, but eventually I had to surrender to the evidence that this is in fact what Jesus taught.

It was during these months, while studying the issue of marriage, which I discovered that the Catholic Church held that marriage was permanent. Although the thought of becoming Catholic never crossed my mind, because my opinion at the time was that the Catholic Church is where all those people go who worship Mary and not very serious about their faith. Anyhow I decided that I would find a local Protestant church that taught this because I wanted to worship at a place that taught the truth and not the prosperity gospel that you get from so many Protestant churches today. Eventually and to my astonishment I discovered that I could not find a Protestant church that taught this doctrine, except for the Mennonites, in fact the closest I came to finding a preacher who held this belief was one that preached that if you are divorced and remarried then that is fine and good but if you are divorced then do not remarry. Well how confusing is that? So if I have a friend who is going to remarry or marry someone who is divorced then I should not let them hear his sermon because then they will know the truth and their marriage will be a sin but if I don’t tell them and they get married, well then they did not know, thus not a sin, and should stay married. This preacher is a mainstream preacher with a huge following online by the way. Furthermore most of them teach the doctrine of “Once Saved Always Saved,” so if you are a believer then there is nothing you can do to lose your salvation. I’ve tried to point out the fallacy of this doctrine to some of them by telling them that they should stop protesting the legalization of gαy marriages and rather try and convert them then recognize their civil marriage, like they do everyone else's despite how many spouses they have had, then they could join the church and contribute to the building fund that never seems to end. I’m being sarcastic of course but their heads nearly explode when I say that and follow up by telling them that Jesus never said anything about ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖs but his teaching on the mortal sin of remarriage is mentioned at least five times in the gospels.

Anyhow so one day after about four hours of browsing through church websites trying to determine what each taught in regards to marriage I decided to stop for the night and go to sleep and then one of the scariest thoughts that a “Bible Belt Protestant” could ever have came into my mind, “You know you could quit looking if you would just become a Catholic.” A literal chill came over me and the hairs on my arms stood up. I decided to have an open mind and began to research what Catholic Church taught in regards to other issues and to my amazement I slowly began to agree with all of them. So after studying Catholicism for nearly two hours a day for six+ months  I am excited to say that I am planning on signing up for RCIA classes sometime soon and joining the One True Church.

So why am I here? Through my research and study I quickly discerned that I was definitely more in line with the Traditionalists rather than the Modernists and thus I have some questions about the issue that helped me find my way to the Catholic Church, divorce and remarriage. Thus I was hoping that some of you could help clear some things up for me. For the record I am a single never married male in my early 30’s and fortunate to have parents who have been married for 40+ years so this is not a personal issue for me but the following examples are real life issues that people, whom I care about, have asked me about and I want to give them the most accurate advice that I can so your feedback will be greatly appreciated.

1)  What advice would you give to a Protestant friend, who was in a marriage where it was both parties first marriage, but is now divorced and out searching for a new spouse? If she knows anything about the Catholic Church she will just say that her marriage was not sacramental and it would be annulled if she were Catholic, thus she is free to seek out another husband without fear of sin.

2) What advice would you give in regards to Protestants who have never been married, but have married someone was previously divorced? Should they leave their current spouse and thus should they feel free to go on and marry someone who has never been married before?

3) Assuming said person had a religious conversion and joined the Catholic Church, would any of you consider marrying someone who was divorced from a spouse, that they knew had been married before, but that spouse had continued to intimately see their former spouse from time to time while in the second marriage?  

2) What advice would you give in regards to Protestants who have never been married, but have married someone was previously divorced? Should they leave their current spouse and thus should they feel free to go on and marry someone who has never been married before?

This would need more info about the first marriage.

My thoughts:  seek traditional for the "True Faith".  Next, those who divorce to remarry are not into the understanding of "forgiveness of sin".  Divorce and such can be so horrible as "rejection" which is worse than a death of a loved one.  Christ knew rejection!  When this happens, as catholics, we are to pray for the spouse who is going against Gods command and pray for their repentance to return with remorse, confession to be reborn.  No one should put themselves in the occasion of sin to see, date one who is in a divorced state.  Pray for them!

My mother, a widow, (catholic) dated a twice divorced man.  She wanted to marry him.  She was of the new order, (where you were seeking RCIA).  The priest told my mother to go to a minister(another sect), and get married, then have this twice divorced man say he wants to be a catholic, and get his 2 divorces annulled.  A scandal to our whole family and to top that off, my brother married with them with this minister.  More scandal.  To this day, my family slander me, for thinking they are not married.  Oh, well.  Truth is truth and some people do not want God's way, but their own.  

Quote from: TNVOL

2) What advice would you give in regards to Protestants who have never been married, but have married someone was previously divorced? Should they leave their current spouse and thus should they feel free to go on and marry someone who has never been married before?

This would need more info about the first marriage.

In this case I guess I was just looking for a general sense/opinion, in regards to annulments, of the members of this board since I know many people who are in a similar situation such as that described. I suppose I would like for the reader that the spouse, who was divorced, got married early in life and divorced for the usual irreconcilable differences.

Quote from: MaterDominici

Huh? I didn't follow, but they're likely already married to someone.

Ok since you are a guy I will put it this way, would you marry a woman if she had what you believed to be a sincere religious conversion to the Catholic faith but was divorced from a man she knew had been married before and had a child with his first wife? The woman, who you are hypothetically considering marrying, marriage failed because her former spouse cheated on her with his first wife. A tangled web I know.

Well, I'm not a guy, but it makes more sense now.

If you were asking these question for yourself, I would most certainly point you in the direction of a Traditional priest as marriage issues are complicated. But, it seems that you're looking for a general understanding of Catholic teaching on marriage, so I'll give you what I think to be the correct information to the best of my knowledge.

The man in this scenario was presumably married to his first wife. (If one of them was Catholic and they married outside the church, it would be more complicated, but I'll presume they're both non-Catholic.) So, he left his wife and was living in sin with the woman in this scenario. They couldn't have validly married as he was already married to his first wife. He didn't actually "cheat" on her because he's still married to the person he was having the relationship with. So, she leaves the sinful relationship, converts to the Catholic faith, and confesses her past sins. I would think she's eligible to marry in the Church. Others here will correct me if I'm wrong about that.

If I were a guy, a person with a long-term previous relationship would not be my first choice for a wife, but I wouldn't outright rule out the possibility.

1) What advice would you give to a Protestant friend, who was in a marriage where it was both parties first marriage, but is now divorced and out searching for a new spouse? If she knows anything about the Catholic Church she will just say that her marriage was not sacramental and it would be annulled if she were Catholic, thus she is free to seek out another husband without fear of sin.

As a starting point I would recommend that she stop "looking for a spouse."

2) What advice would you give in regards to Protestants who have never been married, but have married someone was previously divorced? Should they leave their current spouse and thus should they feel free to go on and marry someone who has never been married before?

Without knowing anything about the first marriage I would have no advice to give.

Hi TNVOL welcome to the forum, you have definitely come to the right place!  I won't address your marriage questions since those have already been answered, but since my conversion from Protestantism a few years ago mirrors yours I will give you one piece of advice:

DON'T GO TO RCIA!!!  I made that mistake when I converted, getting stuck in the morass of the 'new church', it only made my conversion process longer and more difficult. In fact ALL the difficulties I had in converting from protestantism to the Catholic Church stemmed from the new and false post-Vatican II church, the True Catholic Church posed no problems, She is a good mother and not a source of confusion!! Since you already drawn to the traditional (true) Catholic Faith, find a traditional Catholic priest in your area to instruct you in the faith and bring you into the Catholic Church.  Trust me, RCIA has nothing to offer you other than the aggravation of polyester pantsuit wearing nuns leading kumbaya sessions and really stupid group 'discussions' of doctrines you already know to be the immutable teaching of the Church of Christ.

You didnt say what area you are from but to guess from your handle TN-VOL Tennessee Volunteers? If you are looking for help finding a good priest/chapel in your area or have any other questions you can message me or many of the others here privately and we can try and help you more directly.

One other quick piece of advice, try and stay out of the controversial topics here and else where on the internet, they will only help to confuse you now as you are converting.  What you need now more than anything is catechism, I would recommend getting a physical copy of a good, thorough adult catechism to begin instructing you on the Catholic faith.  Here are two good ones as examples:

My Catholic Faith, By Bp. Louis LaRavoire Morrow

http://angeluspress.org/Books/Catechetics-Theology/My-Catholic-Faith

The Catechism Explained by Spirago and Clark

http://miqcenter.com/shop/books/MQC00757-the-catechism-explained-an-exhaustive-explanation-of-the-catholic-religion-spirago-clarke



The Catechism of the Council of Trent is excellent and really the gold standard, but checking my usual Catholic online books sellers shows it to be currently out of stock everywhere, but if you can get a hold of a copy it is really worth the money.