Feminism is poison.

I live alone, but am dependent on God.  
Being strong comes from the love of the Lord.

Also being a woman has such beauty! I love wearing the mantilla, covering myself for God, feeling what it is, to be a daughter of God.

The Blessed Virgin is such an inspiration.

The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.

Are you on speaking terms with her now?

I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.

Yes, but if the mother is a feminist (esp. one who doesn't like children, is a contraceptor, etc.), she will have not taught her daughter how to be a woman and future mother herself. The daughter will be severely disadvantaged and will not necessarily make a good wife, even though it's not her fault.

Quote from: jen51

The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.

Are you on speaking terms with her now?

Quote from: jen51

I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.

Yes, but if the mother is a feminist (esp. one who doesn't like children, is a contraceptor, etc.), she will have not taught her daughter how to be a woman and future mother herself. The daughter will be severely disadvantaged and will not necessarily make a good wife, even though it's not her fault.

Yes, I am on speaking terms with her right now, though to be perfectly honest, I don't know if we will be for much longer. Our beliefs about pretty much everything in life are radically different than hers, especially about family life. It's very tense and uncomfortable. I remain in contact with her for her benefit. My husband makes her seethe, and I think eventually she will be the one to cut ties. The last time I was at her house, I noticed that our wedding photos were taken down. We've also been cut out of the will.

I agree with you that the daughter of a feminist will be severely disadvantaged. There really is no way around this. But it is the world we live in and I believe that God's grace can overcome situations like this. I think the first thing that the daughter must do is to humble herself and understand that she really is at a disadvantage. If she has this in mind, she can do her best to learn from other good Catholic mothers. But most of all, this understanding will help her to open herself up to receiving God's help- for she knows she will fail without it.

Here are some examples of ways in which I have struggled to be a good wife because of my mothers feminist influence.
1) My mother worked all the time, and she expected my dad to do his laundry. I had not the slightest clue how to properly hang trousers and dress shirts on hangers. My husband is incredibly particular about his clothes, and this caused a bit of tension until he finally had to show me how to do it. Embarrassing? Yes. But I've got the hang of it now. It's not just the laundry, but many other domestic things.

2) I was taught nothing about babies by my mother. I was the youngest of two. When I had my baby I had never changed a diaper, didn't know how to comfort a crying child, and the list goes on and on. Literally, I knew nothing. When I came home from the hospital with a new baby who soon became colicky, I thought I would go mad. I got depressed, and life got pretty dark for a time for both my husband and I. He knew as much about babies as I did, and we did not have friends and family to help. Add financial stress to that, vehicles that didn't work, and family drama on both sides to deal with, it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. It was the biggest struggle of my life. If I would have had some experience, I know it would have been different.

3) Rivalry between my husband and mother. She challenges him on his rules for our family. This does not go well. She is relentless in it and will never back down. It is for this reason that I believe I will soon be estranged from my parents. Feminists always have to have the last say, especially when it comes to disagreements with masculine men. At this point, as per typical feminist behavior, she is out to make him pay. My parents have basically said that it is him or them. I think that this scenario is all too common with feminist mothers, and unfortunately the wife is not always strong enough to leave her parents for her husband. This is where our marriage had great opportunity to crumble, but it did not. My husband and I both have remained on the same page throughout the whole ordeal. It has been incredibly painful for me though. I do have a lot of fond memories growing up, and I love my parents. Coping with the reality that our relationship will likely dissolve is a very bitter pill to swallow.

I usually don't care to give advice to men, but in this case, I don't think I would be stepping out of bounds. Men, if the woman you are pursuing cannot stand on her own two feet without the approval of her feminist mother, stay far far away. This is crucial. If she has a feminist mother, your warning buzzer should already be going off. I wouldn't blame you for writing her off (though I'm glad my husband didn't), but if you do decide to proceed, you should observe very closely what her relationship is like with her mother. Does she stop practicing her religion when her mother is around? Does she seek her approval in all things? Does she defend her mothers behavior or downplay it? I'd break it off if the answer is yes to any of those questions.

Geremia, I'm guessing that we agree more than disagree about daughters of feminist mothers.  I'm just saying that in some instances, if discerned with extreme caution, a wonderful marriage can be had despite a feminist mother.  I was at an incredible disadvantage going in to marriage, but my faith has flourished as I watch God break down obstacles in our marriage. These obstacles have allowed my husband to gain a lot of confidence in me, and I in him. If the woman is a traditional Catholic dedicated to following the Church's teachings on marriage and family, I think it's ok to give her a chance. Afterall, there are not many eligible trads as it is. I'm not asking men to throw caution to the wind, but I do have confidence that God can take a woman with unfortunate relations and make her into a good wife. He does have a habit of changing people's lives around! Stories from scripture and lives of the saints are great proof of it.

Many good points are raised in this thread. I think that Jen51 and Matthew raise some very practical points as regards women with feminist mothers. I don't think it is always going to "black and white" and, frankly, in this insane time period it will be nigh impossible to find a woman who has no taint of feminism at all (just as we men are not free from the taint of modernism and even feminism).

To me, we should not let perfection be the enemy of good here, otherwise there might not be any Catholic marriages. Fallen Man is still fallen but with massive pressures that were never present before. That said, we cannot discount the power of grace and the sacramental graces of matrimony.

This does not mean that we should not be discerning. We need to be VERY discerning. But in my view, what should be looked at especially carefully is the basic character and dispositions of people. Some people may superficially appear to be strong trads from a good family but grave dangers lurk beneath the surface. On the other hand, there may be women who have some issues on the surface, but when you see their character, it becomes apparent that they are of good will and merely ignorant and are open to change. In this regard, I find that cradle trads can often be worse than converts, since cradle trads sometimes think they "know everything" about the faith and will not accept correction from a husband.

To Graham's point: this may seem counterintuitive, but he makes a very good point. I have seen ladies like this who are very strident anti-feminists but end up ironically behaving in a feminist manner because they are very wilfull. One friend recently married such a lady and I have been rather shocked at some of the things she's said and it is very apparent that she "wears the pants" in that family. Not that wilful is always bad. My own wife is Polish and therefore very fiery-tempered, wilful and stubborn. Yet on the other hand she is still obedient and her stubborness actually can be very good sometimes since, for example, if I start to lapse into a passive modern liberal man way on something she will pretty much force me to "man up" and make the decision or take the lead. So I greatly appreciate her strong ways whereas a more submissive and obedient and quiet personality would probably be disaster since I would much more easily backslide into old habits from being raised as a worldling.

My wife and I are both converts. If we were to judge by our parents alone, we should never have been married. Both of us came from small families. My own mother is a pretty ardent feminist and my father I must confess seems to be pretty cowed by this. My wife's parents were basically just abusive and neglectful towards her, and both of course worked. I'd say we both take the approach that Matthew talked about, taking our parents as negative examples. Our parents of course both had good points and this is what we try to emulate -- for example, my own father was in some ways a good father in the care and attention he gave to us and the love of learning he instilled in me.

That said, we have had no communication with my wife's parents for several years now. I finally put my foot down after they would not respect my authority over my family and were frequently harassing my wife about being "a fanatic" for wearing a dress. There is a "cease fire" agreement between me and my parents and they are respectful and don't criticise us in front of the children and they even dress modestly when visiting us to comply with our house rules.

In the end, I think Graham's criteria are pretty good -- traditional views and natural femininity. I think good will is needed as well. And also remember that a wife will conform herself to her husband so it is always of utmost importance that we men work on ourselves the most. I think it is much more dangerous for a woman to marry a "bad" husband than the other way around, since a "bad" wife (or imperfect one) will more likely conform to a good husband.

I'm sorry to hear about the trouble with your mom, Jen.

Thankyou, Graham.

There are so few women who are not feminists that it seems to me if you would only marry a woman who is not feminist at all you are out of luck and will probably not marry because there are so few of them.

Re: the OP, I think one should also be wary of women who are stridently anti-feminist (believe it or not, they do exist), because they will also struggle with obedience. That's the nature of opinionated women, regardless of whether their opinions are generally good or bad.

This!

a "strong woman"

cf. St. Albert the Great's excellent commentary on Proverbs 31:10-31, De Muliere Forti (On the Strong Woman)