The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.
Are you on speaking terms with her now?I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.
Yes, but if the mother is a feminist (esp. one who doesn't like children, is a contraceptor, etc.), she will have not taught her daughter how to be a woman and future mother herself. The daughter will be severely disadvantaged and will not necessarily make a good wife, even though it's not her fault.
Yes, I am on speaking terms with her right now, though to be perfectly honest, I don't know if we will be for much longer. Our beliefs about pretty much everything in life are radically different than hers, especially about family life. It's very tense and uncomfortable. I remain in contact with her for her benefit. My husband makes her seethe, and I think eventually she will be the one to cut ties. The last time I was at her house, I noticed that our wedding photos were taken down. We've also been cut out of the will.
I agree with you that the daughter of a feminist will be severely disadvantaged. There really is no way around this. But it is the world we live in and I believe that God's grace can overcome situations like this. I think the first thing that the daughter must do is to humble herself and understand that she really is at a disadvantage. If she has this in mind, she can do her best to learn from other good Catholic mothers. But most of all, this understanding will help her to open herself up to receiving God's help- for she knows she will fail without it.
Here are some examples of ways in which I have struggled to be a good wife because of my mothers feminist influence.
1) My mother worked all the time, and she expected my dad to do his laundry. I had not the slightest clue how to properly hang trousers and dress shirts on hangers. My husband is incredibly particular about his clothes, and this caused a bit of tension until he finally had to show me how to do it. Embarrassing? Yes. But I've got the hang of it now. It's not just the laundry, but many other domestic things.
2) I was taught nothing about babies by my mother. I was the youngest of two. When I had my baby I had never changed a diaper, didn't know how to comfort a crying child, and the list goes on and on. Literally, I knew nothing. When I came home from the hospital with a new baby who soon became colicky, I thought I would go mad. I got depressed, and life got pretty dark for a time for both my husband and I. He knew as much about babies as I did, and we did not have friends and family to help. Add financial stress to that, vehicles that didn't work, and family drama on both sides to deal with, it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. It was the biggest struggle of my life. If I would have had some experience, I know it would have been different.
3) Rivalry between my husband and mother. She challenges him on his rules for our family. This does not go well. She is relentless in it and will never back down. It is for this reason that I believe I will soon be estranged from my parents. Feminists always have to have the last say, especially when it comes to disagreements with masculine men. At this point, as per typical feminist behavior, she is out to make him pay. My parents have basically said that it is him or them. I think that this scenario is all too common with feminist mothers, and unfortunately the wife is not always strong enough to leave her parents for her husband. This is where our marriage had great opportunity to crumble, but it did not. My husband and I both have remained on the same page throughout the whole ordeal. It has been incredibly painful for me though. I do have a lot of fond memories growing up, and I love my parents. Coping with the reality that our relationship will likely dissolve is a very bitter pill to swallow.
I usually don't care to give advice to men, but in this case, I don't think I would be stepping out of bounds. Men, if the woman you are pursuing cannot stand on her own two feet without the approval of her feminist mother, stay far far away. This is crucial. If she has a feminist mother, your warning buzzer should already be going off. I wouldn't blame you for writing her off (though I'm glad my husband didn't), but if you do decide to proceed, you should observe very closely what her relationship is like with her mother. Does she stop practicing her religion when her mother is around? Does she seek her approval in all things? Does she defend her mothers behavior or downplay it? I'd break it off if the answer is yes to any of those questions.
Geremia, I'm guessing that we agree more than disagree about daughters of feminist mothers. I'm just saying that in some instances, if discerned with extreme caution, a wonderful marriage can be had despite a feminist mother. I was at an incredible disadvantage going in to marriage, but my faith has flourished as I watch God break down obstacles in our marriage. These obstacles have allowed my husband to gain a lot of confidence in me, and I in him. If the woman is a traditional Catholic dedicated to following the Church's teachings on marriage and family, I think it's ok to give her a chance. Afterall, there are not many eligible trads as it is. I'm not asking men to throw caution to the wind, but I do have confidence that God can take a woman with unfortunate relations and make her into a good wife. He does have a habit of changing people's lives around! Stories from scripture and lives of the saints are great proof of it.