Author Topic: Never Date a Feminist (Read 5213 times)

LittleFlowers · « **Reply #15 on:** June 06, 2016, 03:07:42 AM »

Feminism is poison.

I live alone, but am dependent on God.
Being strong comes from the love of the Lord.

Also being a woman has such beauty! I love wearing the mantilla, covering myself for God, feeling what it is, to be a daughter of God.

The Blessed Virgin is such an inspiration.

jen51 · « **Reply #16 on:** June 06, 2016, 07:27:17 AM »

Quote from: Geremia

Quote from: Cantarella
11.She makes fun of her father by mocking him.
Don't judge the girl alone. Look at her mother. That will tell you how she'll be as a wife and mother. For example, if the mother has a job not out of dire necessity, consider another. Like mother, like daughter

The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.

I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.

Geremia · « **Reply #17 on:** July 19, 2016, 11:48:31 AM »

Quote from: jen51

The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.

Are you on speaking terms with her now?

Quote from: jen51

I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.

Yes, but if the mother is a feminist (esp. one who doesn't like children, is a contraceptor, etc.), she will have not taught her daughter how to be a woman and future mother herself. The daughter will be severely disadvantaged and will not necessarily make a good wife, even though it's not her fault.

Matthew · « **Reply #18 on:** July 19, 2016, 03:16:43 PM »

Jen51 has a good point.

Sometimes a child takes a parent to be a NEGATIVE example.

My father smoked (though not at home or in front of the children), and he used illegal drugs when he was younger. And for many years, he used prescription drugs INCLUDING in front of the family. He loved them, they were his crutch, his way of escaping the world and his problems.

Myself, I have never tried cigarettes much less any illegal drug. I also distrust Big Pharma and I'm not on any prescriptions. I'm about as dissimilar to my father when it comes to chemical substances as you could imagine.

So it's not as simple as, "like father, like son".

I selectively imitate (or let myself imitate) many other aspects of his personality. And I'll admit that many things I learned at home are second nature for me, or would be difficult to NOT imitate.

And my wife is very similar to her mom in many ways, except she knows the Catholic Faith much, much better and as a result is having a larger family (to take one example). But she is still meticulous, German, organized, plans everything, etc. They are both very conservative, inclined to obey all laws (large and small), not interested in wild and new things, etc.

I'm not exactly a criminal myself, but I'm willing to color outside the lines once in a while :) But my wife, her mom, and my own mom don't have a "wild and crazy" bone in their bodies. They don't even like bonfires! And if they played bumper cars, they'd probably try to drive without hitting the other cars.

But her mom didn't spend much time raising her children. She worked the whole time her 3 kids were growing up, and "grandma" watched them after school.

Now it's true my wife didn't get a good training how to be a Catholic mom -- but that's one of those things you either deal with, or live single for the rest of your life. The choice is yours, as always. My wife might not be perfectly trained in running a large (natural/Catholic sized) family, but we've gotten by somehow.

It's been an adventure and a learning experience for both of us. I had 3 siblings, and she had 2. Neither one of us was from a natural, Catholic sized family. I had a vague idea of how it was done (from a couple large families I knew growing up) but I only knew the broad outline. The specifics were all new to me.

So not finding a perfect, ideally trained spouse is not a show stopper.

jen51 · « **Reply #19 on:** July 19, 2016, 07:55:07 PM »

Quote from: Geremia

Quote from: jen51
The chances are likely that daughter will be like mother, but It's not so cut and dry. If my husband would have followed this advice, we would not be married. Upon getting married, I quit my job and didn't even have children yet because we felt it was the right thing to do. It drove my career minded mother up the wall.
Are you on speaking terms with her now?
Quote from: jen51
I think a better gauge would be to evaluate the mother, and then evaluate the young woman's opinion or disposition towards her mother to see if she will be like her.
Yes, but if the mother is a feminist (esp. one who doesn't like children, is a contraceptor, etc.), she will have not taught her daughter how to be a woman and future mother herself. The daughter will be severely disadvantaged and will not necessarily make a good wife, even though it's not her fault.

Yes, I am on speaking terms with her right now, though to be perfectly honest, I don't know if we will be for much longer. Our beliefs about pretty much everything in life are radically different than hers, especially about family life. It's very tense and uncomfortable. I remain in contact with her for her benefit. My husband makes her seethe, and I think eventually she will be the one to cut ties. The last time I was at her house, I noticed that our wedding photos were taken down. We've also been cut out of the will.

I agree with you that the daughter of a feminist will be severely disadvantaged. There really is no way around this. But it is the world we live in and I believe that God's grace can overcome situations like this. I think the first thing that the daughter must do is to humble herself and understand that she really is at a disadvantage. If she has this in mind, she can do her best to learn from other good Catholic mothers. But most of all, this understanding will help her to open herself up to receiving God's help- for she knows she will fail without it.

Here are some examples of ways in which I have struggled to be a good wife because of my mothers feminist influence.
1) My mother worked all the time, and she expected my dad to do his laundry. I had not the slightest clue how to properly hang trousers and dress shirts on hangers. My husband is incredibly particular about his clothes, and this caused a bit of tension until he finally had to show me how to do it. Embarrassing? Yes. But I've got the hang of it now. It's not just the laundry, but many other domestic things.

2) I was taught nothing about babies by my mother. I was the youngest of two. When I had my baby I had never changed a diaper, didn't know how to comfort a crying child, and the list goes on and on. Literally, I knew nothing. When I came home from the hospital with a new baby who soon became colicky, I thought I would go mad. I got depressed, and life got pretty dark for a time for both my husband and I. He knew as much about babies as I did, and we did not have friends and family to help. Add financial stress to that, vehicles that didn't work, and family drama on both sides to deal with, it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. It was the biggest struggle of my life. If I would have had some experience, I know it would have been different.

3) Rivalry between my husband and mother. She challenges him on his rules for our family. This does not go well. She is relentless in it and will never back down. It is for this reason that I believe I will soon be estranged from my parents. Feminists always have to have the last say, especially when it comes to disagreements with masculine men. At this point, as per typical feminist behavior, she is out to make him pay. My parents have basically said that it is him or them. I think that this scenario is all too common with feminist mothers, and unfortunately the wife is not always strong enough to leave her parents for her husband. This is where our marriage had great opportunity to crumble, but it did not. My husband and I both have remained on the same page throughout the whole ordeal. It has been incredibly painful for me though. I do have a lot of fond memories growing up, and I love my parents. Coping with the reality that our relationship will likely dissolve is a very bitter pill to swallow.

I usually don't care to give advice to men, but in this case, I don't think I would be stepping out of bounds. Men, if the woman you are pursuing cannot stand on her own two feet without the approval of her feminist mother, stay far far away. This is crucial. If she has a feminist mother, your warning buzzer should already be going off. I wouldn't blame you for writing her off (though I'm glad my husband didn't), but if you do decide to proceed, you should observe very closely what her relationship is like with her mother. Does she stop practicing her religion when her mother is around? Does she seek her approval in all things? Does she defend her mothers behavior or downplay it? I'd break it off if the answer is yes to any of those questions.

Geremia, I'm guessing that we agree more than disagree about daughters of feminist mothers. I'm just saying that in some instances, if discerned with extreme caution, a wonderful marriage can be had despite a feminist mother. I was at an incredible disadvantage going in to marriage, but my faith has flourished as I watch God break down obstacles in our marriage. These obstacles have allowed my husband to gain a lot of confidence in me, and I in him. If the woman is a traditional Catholic dedicated to following the Church's teachings on marriage and family, I think it's ok to give her a chance. Afterall, there are not many eligible trads as it is. I'm not asking men to throw caution to the wind, but I do have confidence that God can take a woman with unfortunate relations and make her into a good wife. He does have a habit of changing people's lives around! Stories from scripture and lives of the saints are great proof of it.