I would never leave my 2 week old either. In fact on another thread I mentioned I don't leave them for the first year. But I wouldn't judge someone else for "needing" to. And I truly wouldn't judge, not just say so then proceed to do so.

I would worry if she starts to exhibit a pattern of such behavior but not the first time or even every time she went out. I say this as someone who has never been the "go out for drinks with the girls" type. It's not my thing and it may or may not be moral depending on how much they drink, where they go or what entertainment they have, but aside from that I do understand some people need a break. I hesitate to think it has anything to do with not loving her baby.

It's been 9 months so perhaps you forget how exhausting the nine months of pregnancy, childbirth and the first few weeks with a newborn are. I don't blame any mother looking for a bit of recreation once in a while. In fact it's essential to her sanity sometimes. The first advice against shaken baby syndrome is to step away when you are overwhelmed. Not to say that's what's happening here but I am making the point that stepping away is not intrinsically evil. It can be a good. And we don't know what her circuмstances are. I have a lot of patience and calm with babies but I know it's more than most. In other words I am grateful for it but realize it's above average and don't expect everyone else to be like me in that respect. I try not to look down on those who don't have the same level of patience unless they show bad will in their impatience.

There's also personalities to take into consideration. I am introverted. The most refreshing thing for me is peace and quiet. DH took everyone but the baby out of the house for a couple hours today. That was so refreshing for me! The quiet ... Ahh... That's how he " spoils" me now and then. But


 people who are extroverted are refreshed by going out and noise and by being with other people. As much as I can't fathom it ( thats the definition of hell for me!) I do understand it intellectually. If she is extroverted it makes perfect sense that at the exact time whi was en some of us think there would be nothing in the world better than to stay home with our babies, she is seeking refreshment outside. If that's the case she isn't alone in that and is behaving quite in line with her extroversion.tthey

Of course she may be a terrible mother and all my points are for naught but I hope it gives some food for thought to help you perhaps be more well rounded in your assessment. Unless a pattern of behavior arises it's very premature to be calling her ridiculous or assuming she is a bad mother (implied in all the mothers of today talk) Especially with what little we have to go on.

I'm not trying to be judgmental of her. I just think a two week old should be with his mother unless of an emergency. She formula feeds so I guess maybe that makes a difference.  At two weeks I was nursing constantly and couldn't have left.

Yes, people do have different personalities, but I don't think a mother should use her extrovert personality to justify unnecessary time away from home. It bugs me when I hear women say they don't NEED to work but can't stand the lack of adult interaction at home. Why become a mother then?? I'd give anything to be at home.

So by agreeing to babysit I enabled her decision to go have cocktails, which I admitted could amount to sin. I didn't think well on the spot and I love babies.

Now Wallflower you are saying if I have an opinion about her decision I am not trying hard enough to not judge?



 Edit: I'm sorry if I said something hurtful. This happened yesterday with Tiffany too.
 I'm upsetting people and I apologize.

I am not downrating you btw. I saw you have a few and don't want you to worry that it's because you're upsetting me. I am not upset although I know I can come off that way sometimes. I just don't know how to be as sweet on paper as in person  :wink:  

I need to use more flowery words or something, I don't know.

I have to say I agree with you, CathMom.  I've been reading this thread, and I started to think maybe I am just old-fashioned in my thinking.  I'm not so sure that "any traditional priest" would say there is no problem with a mother doing this, not to mention her husband permitting it.  It's not just about going out for drinks, it's about an attitude or disposition toward what ought to be one's station in life.  But, that is the world and it's trappings in a nutshell.    

It seems to me that a lot of modern women just see having babies as another thing to do, like getting a puppy or something.

That's exactly right, and getting a husband is the same way for many of them.

Most young women learn in their coeducational years to separate sex from marriage and child-bearing, and they take that separation to be a matter of course.

Is it any wonder after living that way for many years that the husband and children become adjuncts to that life-style?  So much so that there is a strong tendency towards adultery and divorce?

In the past babies were often given to nurses to take care of in Catholic countries.  I don't know what age they were given.

Now I don't think much of that, but that doesn't mean it was sinful.

We can criticize the priorities and values of other people without finding moral fault and condemning them.

If there is an underlying fault causing her to wish to escape her responsibility to her baby, it is likely that it will find more serious forms of expression.    

Quote from: PenitentWoman

Quote from: Louise

I have to say I agree with you, CathMom.  I've been reading this thread, and I started to think maybe I am just old-fashioned in my thinking.  I'm not so sure that "any traditional priest" would say there is no problem with a mother doing this, not to mention her husband permitting it.  It's not just about going out for drinks, it's about an attitude or disposition toward what ought to be one's station in life.  But, that is the world and it's trappings in a nutshell.    

The traditional priest I met with didn't believe working in a bar was a good environment for a mother, I doubt he would approve of me going to one to sit and drink. I can't see any holy man (priest OR layperson) who would approve of women leaving brand new babies to have drinks.
 

Yes, PW, in my humble opinion you are correct.  Your comment about what would Our Blessed Mother think of such a circuмstance tells me you have your Catholic bearings about you.   We can pray for the new mother.  And if you have some Holy Water in your home, bless the little one with it.  If you don't have any, maybe when you see your priest next time you can bring a container and fill it.  God bless and reward your generosity for taking good care of the wee newborn.

Thank you. I am going to ask for holy water when I meet with the priest again. I forgot all about that.

Quote from: PenitentWoman

Quote from: Louise

I have to say I agree with you, CathMom.  I've been reading this thread, and I started to think maybe I am just old-fashioned in my thinking.  I'm not so sure that "any traditional priest" would say there is no problem with a mother doing this, not to mention her husband permitting it.  It's not just about going out for drinks, it's about an attitude or disposition toward what ought to be one's station in life.  But, that is the world and it's trappings in a nutshell.    

The traditional priest I met with didn't believe working in a bar was a good environment for a mother, I doubt he would approve of me going to one to sit and drink. I can't see any holy man (priest OR layperson) who would approve of women leaving brand new babies to have drinks.
 

That's why I say the circuмstances may change things. However you aren't just in disagreement with the drinks, you are also in disagreement with her leaving her 2 week old, period. By what you're saying it seems that no matter what she were doing, going to a hair app't for example or grocery shopping or whatever else, you would think she were just some uninterested "modern" mother. All this talk of I would nevah! That's what I'm trying to get across is not necessarily a moral issue or a defect in her motherhood although some of you are reacting as though it is. Even the drinks depending on where they go may not be an issue. Are they going to a club to get drunk or to a pub to have a drink or two with dinner? We don't know. Those details do make a difference.

I find it disturbing because it shows the selfishness and self-centeredness of the mother, period.

By definition, motherhood is about self sacrifice.  You sacrifice your body to growing your baby.  Your sacrifice what foods you eat and what you drink so your baby can have the best start in life.

You sacrifice your old life for your new life as wife and mother.  Going out for drinks, whether one or 7, with your girlfriends is not an appropriate adventure for a new mother.  Period.

Going to dinner with other mothers and their children would be more appropriate because it focuses mothers on their new roles and responsibilities, and helps them to associate with women who are in the same state in life.

There are admittedly some places women cannot go with their tiny babies.  A beauty salon, perhaps, but definitely a doctor's appointment.   It is a good thing to volunteer under these circuмstances.

Going to the grocery with your babies and children is important and necessary. It shows others that you are a wife and mother attempting to care for your home.  Men will not flirt with you in the grocery line under these circuмstances.  It is also good practice for children learning to behave in public and practicing obedience and self-control.  Mother's absolutely should not leave their children at home just to go grocery shopping.

My point is simple.  Once you get married, your life changes.  Your focus is your husband and your home.  When you have children, it changes again.

Unfortunately we live in a society today where women do not know their place.  They want to party and socialize all the time.  Women have other duties.  Their duties are nurturing and caretaking, organizing and planning.  A better use of time would be visiting grandma and taking her dinner or visiting another young mother to help her organize her kitchen or something similar.

In times past, very few married women went out of their homes without their husbands or children.  And when they did, they went with other married women or their relatives.  And usually it was for something suggested above.