Author Topic: My sister is a doctor now (Read 1104 times)

s2srea · « **on:** June 05, 2013, 12:31:46 PM »

I remember seeing the thread that Tele made about his brother-hence the similar thread title. My sincere congratulations to him. My sister, around the same time, also received her doctoral degree and graduated from USC. The result has not been good.

When she first came to me asking my thoughts on the matter, before she had my niece, her 1st child, I asked her what her thoughts were on marriage and having children. She told me she was guided by her priest to steer well away from NFP, and she knew her place in the home was to be with children, and she was happy with that. When I asked why she would then want to get her Doctorates (She received her masters for free because she was working for a university at the time as a professor, which she continues to do till today) she said it would enable her to work from home teaching her courses online in the future; something which today's universities make possible. I thought it wasn't a bad idea, but of course referred her to her priest and husband.

She went through with it, and in the meantime had her 1st child, who is almost a year old now. A legitimate medical condition prevents her from attempting to conceive for another year now.

Unfortunately, things have changed for the worse, and have strengthened my opinion against women and school. My sister now has a large amount of debt to her name; how much exactly, I am unsure of, but I'm guessing upwards of 60 grand. Now that her bills have come due, what she didn't expect was a lack of jobs teaching online, so she has been forced to continue to teach in person. (of course, women and teaching is another matter for another thread). Now, she must send her daughter to daycare with people she doesn't know, spend money there, and be forced to 'juggle' life in a way mothers are not meant to. My brother in law ends up watching my daughter a lot after his work every day.

The whole situation is terrible. If I could go back, I would tell her not to get her doctorate degree. I may not be entirely against women going to university- sort of like Matthew, there must be a genuinely good reason- but going out of your way to get yourself into debt has clearly spelled spiritual ruin for my sister.

There's also a sort of collateral damage; my wife stays at home with out kids; it would be nice for her to have an actual traditional Traditional Catholic woman, my sister, to befriend more; they are friends, but I could see my sister having a positive impact on my wife, who is still relatively new to the faith, instead of being a bad example. Deo Gratias, my wife is very strong in this matter and fully believes in what we are doing for our and our children's souls.

sedetrad · « **Reply #1 on:** June 06, 2013, 05:49:42 AM »

I am sorry for your sister's situation. The online course teaching gravy train bubble was bound to blow when they started limiting student loans and the government started limiting the amount they would pay for soldier's and ex-soldier's education. I am actually quite pleased with this situation because many of these online schools were genuine scams. If your sister did not take out private student loans and has never defaulted, then she can consolidate her loans into a federal direct loan and use the "income based" payment option which significantly lowers payments for people in these tough economic times. It is not as good as bankruptcy, but the law will not currently allow student loans to be discharged via bankruptcy which is crazy. I know people that borrowed hundreds of thousands for houses and were able to discharge their debt, but students can't.

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #2 on:** June 06, 2013, 10:54:21 AM »

I'm sorry to hear that, s2srea. Please be assured of my prayers.

Tiffany · « **Reply #3 on:** June 06, 2013, 11:15:24 AM »

Quote from: sedetrad

I am sorry for your sister's situation. The online course teaching gravy train bubble was bound to blow when they started limiting student loans and the government started limiting the amount they would pay for soldier's and ex-soldier's education. I am actually quite pleased with this situation because many of these online schools were genuine scams. If your sister did not take out private student loans and has never defaulted, then she can consolidate her loans into a federal direct loan and use the "income based" payment option which significantly lowers payments for people in these tough economic times. It is not as good as bankruptcy, but the law will not currently allow student loans to be discharged via bankruptcy which is crazy. I know people that borrowed hundreds of thousands for houses and were able to discharge their debt, but students can't.

We have the GOP to thank for that, bedfellows with Miss Sallie..

s2srea · « **Reply #4 on:** June 06, 2013, 11:26:39 AM »

Thanks guys.

I suppose on the bright side, the issue is reconcilable. I've told her that since she's in this situation now (where she is unable to work from home), she must do all she can to get out of it; meaning, once she is financially able to do so, she ought stay home. Only, I'm quietly battling my parents encouragement of her. I know she's getting mixed signals, and it is highly likely that my parents encouragement of her is far more appealing than what the Church offers and teaches.

But its largely a matter of education. I didn't think this way, until I studied more on these issues. The message was there from the pulpit, but I never really cared to pay attention to it. Unfortunately, I wasn't as 'caught up' as I am today when this first came up (before she went to school) nor did I have the foresight to discourage her from such a move. The good news is she is highly intelligent, and has a good heart; she loves bishop Williamson, and everything I've sent her from him. She's has that sort of (and I forget the words bishop Williamson uses here) the overbearing personality in the relationship, which may be a good thing here; my brother in law is not a natural leader, but she tries to make him feel as such, and he does. She and he need to read and learn more, as we all do.

As to my parents: I have not taken enough time to discuss these issues with them as I have with my sister; I figured, she and I were the ones who would need to deal with this, as my parents are essentially retired; now I see that even though they would not be directly faced with such scenarios in their own life, they are in need of understanding of the issues for the sake of those they come in contact with on these issues; their children included. And many many people- family or not- seem to go to my father for advice. Please keep them in your prayers as well. They are good traditional Catholics, and also love Archbishop Lefebvre and +Williamson. They only need more study as well.

Tiffany · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2013, 11:33:51 AM »

S2 I am sorry for your sister.
For a good amount of time I used daycare too, and I hated it, but who their teacher is makes all the difference. The first eight months it was an older mother who was very warm, the next year it was a woman who was a pastor's wife and a retired special ed teacher, she was excellent. I worked at the same organization as her husband. When my son turned 3 the teachers were changing, and went from not so great to horrible, so I pulled him out. I also worked at a daycare before was a mother, and I loved all the infants in my care, I still think of them. I'm not for daycare just wanted to share.

s2srea · « **Reply #6 on:** June 06, 2013, 11:35:38 AM »

Quote from: Tiffany

S2 I am sorry for your sister.
For a good amount of time I used daycare too, and I hated it, but who their teacher is makes all the difference. The first eight months it was an older mother who was very warm, the next year it was a woman who was a pastor's wife and a retired special ed teacher, she was excellent. I worked at the same organization as her husband. When my son turned 3 the teachers were changing, and went from not so great to horrible, so I pulled him out. I'm not for daycare just wanted to share.

Thank you Tiff. :)

Incredulous · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2013, 12:59:51 PM »

Quote from: s2srea

I remember seeing the thread that Tele made about his brother-hence the similar thread title. My sincere congratulations to him. My sister, around the same time, also received her doctoral degree and graduated from USC. The result has not been good.

When she first came to me asking my thoughts on the matter, before she had my niece, her 1st child, I asked her what her thoughts were on marriage and having children. She told me she was guided by her priest to steer well away from NFP, and she knew her place in the home was to be with children, and she was happy with that. When I asked why she would then want to get her Doctorates (She received her masters for free because she was working for a university at the time as a professor, which she continues to do till today) she said it would enable her to work from home teaching her courses online in the future; something which today's universities make possible. I thought it wasn't a bad idea, but of course referred her to her priest and husband.

She went through with it, and in the meantime had her 1st child, who is almost a year old now. A legitimate medical condition prevents her from attempting to conceive for another year now.

Unfortunately, things have changed for the worse, and have strengthened my opinion against women and school. My sister now has a large amount of debt to her name; how much exactly, I am unsure of, but I'm guessing upwards of 60 grand. Now that her bills have come due, what she didn't expect was a lack of jobs teaching online, so she has been forced to continue to teach in person. (of course, women and teaching is another matter for another thread). Now, she must send her daughter to daycare with people she doesn't know, spend money there, and be forced to 'juggle' life in a way mothers are not meant to. My brother in law ends up watching my daughter a lot after his work every day.

The whole situation is terrible. If I could go back, I would tell her not to get her doctorate degree. I may not be entirely against women going to university- sort of like Matthew, there must be a genuinely good reason- but going out of your way to get yourself into debt has clearly spelled spiritual ruin for my sister.

There's also a sort of collateral damage; my wife stays at home with out kids; it would be nice for her to have an actual traditional Traditional Catholic woman, my sister, to befriend more; they are friends, but I could see my sister having a positive impact on my wife, who is still relatively new to the faith, instead of being a bad example. Deo Gratias, my wife is very strong in this matter and fully believes in what we are doing for our and our children's souls.

My impression is that most trads have something like this going on in their families.

My daughter-in-law, a misguided newChurch child and doctor, has clearly made her medical career a form of idolatry.

Before my son married her, her parents were joking how the couple would have to put children aside to accomplish the medical degree.

I even got the impression my son was seen by her family as a useful career "assistant", to help their daughter make it through the medical program.

Every time we communicate with my son and daughter, the topic of my daughter-in-laws career or her next career move is addressed as if it is some holy subject of great contemplation.

The two of them are sterile examples of the Conciliar church and the Guadium et Spes heresy which advanced conjugal love over children as the primary reason for the Sacrament of Matrimony.

It seems to be "God's providence" that these misguided souls would have some traditional Catholics in their family to pray and offer sacrifices for them.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2013, 01:10:59 PM »

I recall a sermon from one of the current seminary professors, Father Asher, about a woman who supposedly was some great genius in biological research, who gave it up for family life.

Whether it's intentional or not, the impression is conveyed that having a "brilliant" career, then "giving it up" should be the normal track to marriage for bright girls.

sedetrad · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2013, 03:02:03 PM »

Quote

Every time we communicate with my son and daughter, the topic of my daughter-in-laws career or her next career move is addressed as if it is some holy subject of great contemplation.

You hit the nail on the head. It's sad.