Author Topic: My boyfriend is considering being a priest (Read 4735 times)

Athena · « **on:** July 11, 2016, 04:22:40 PM »

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I am very deeply in love with him and recently he told me he has to leave me to decide if he is called to be a priest. I'm so heartbroken and I believe God wants us to be together. I don't want to be selfish and keep him from doing what he needs to do, but it hurts so bad. I'm trying to give him space and be patient, but I really am having a hard time not being upset. Any advice, words of comfort, or just prayers would be appreciated.

songbird · « **Reply #1 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:27:06 PM »

He is considering New Order or Traditional?

Athena · « **Reply #2 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:29:05 PM »

Traditional, He's older and may not be able to actually enter priesthood, but also considering other vocations in which he is consecrated and can not be married or date.

Athena · « **Reply #3 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:31:15 PM »

I should add that he says he does love me very much and still wants to be a part of my life while he makes this decision. He needs space to discern though.

Matthew · « **Reply #4 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:35:32 PM »

Quote from: Athena

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years.

Did you meet when you were 16?

I mean, sometimes a couple can't get married because the man isn't established yet and can't support a family. But in such cases, the man probably shouldn't have been "dating" if he wasn't ready to get married and start a family (which, for a Catholic, happens very close together).

The Catholic Church frowns on "long engagements". Dating is only for marriage, not for "having fun" or even, heaven forbid, fornication.

It certainly sounds like this boyfriend put the cart before the horse. He didn't even know himself well enough to know what vocation he is called to (marriage vs. a religious vocation), yet he has been monopolizing a woman during all that time.

Dating isn't just normal behavior that everyone does in the meantime. It is what an eligible young man does when he is ready to be married.

Even assuming no improprieties (e.g., fornication or other impurity) this relationship seems extremely disordered, from what you describe.

Athena · « **Reply #5 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:39:43 PM »

We're older. I'm 40 and he's 56 in August. We both have previous marriages that need to be annulled. We are not having intimate contact because we are not married. We have been planning to get married until very recently.

jman123 · « **Reply #6 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:44:39 PM »

Maybe he should join eastern rite you can marry and he be ordained

Stubborn · « **Reply #7 on:** July 11, 2016, 04:58:37 PM »

It's most likely that you are both still married to your original spouses, that is, if both original spouses were free to marry at the time and you said the words "I do" with the intention of marrying, you can forget about getting annulments because in the eyes of the Catholic Church, you are both still married to your original spouses, hence no decree of nullity can be granted which means neither of you are free to marry anyone till the death of your spouse. You are supposed to seek reconciliation full time, not annulments. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but the above is assuming the typical American "failed marriage", which means forget about it, that man is still married to another woman - and you are still married to another man.

Athena · « **Reply #8 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:07:37 PM »

I'd really like for people on this forum to stop judging and assuming things. Both of our other spouses are remarried and we have both talked to a priest already. A couple of priests actually. I did not come here seeking judgment or approval, simply support and advice. If you can not help, but only wish to judge and tell me where we went wrong then please don't bother to offer your comment.

Athena · « **Reply #9 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:25:34 PM »

Iimon's answer may not have been what is practical, but at least it was honest advice, a possibility. Telling someone what they did wrong and being critical based on assumptions is not helpful in any way. Particularly when you don't offer a solution, comfort, or a prayer even. How we got to where we are is not the point. We are here in this position and it hurts. I can handle criticism if it's offered as a lesson and given with advice and love, not just for the sake of you telling me I'm wrong.

Stubborn · « **Reply #10 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:27:31 PM »

Quote from: Athena

I'd really like for people on this forum to stop judging and assuming things. Both of our other spouses are remarried and we have both talked to a priest already. A couple of priests actually. I did not come here seeking judgment or approval, simply support and advice. If you can not help, but only wish to judge and tell me where we went wrong then please don't bother to offer your comment.

You seem to think that since both of your other spouses are married already then that's supposed to make a difference, well, sorry again to be the one to tell you you that according to the Catholic Church, you already have a husband and are not free to marry that married man.

The 6th and 9th commandment - Thou shalt not commit adultery and Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife - can never be annulled.

Now if you would like to elaborate your situation as far as why you believe both your and his marriage are null, then please do, but it is not very prudent to come onto a Catholic forum expecting us to simply accept your word for it that both your marriage and his marriage never existed in the first place.

Stubborn · « **Reply #11 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:31:00 PM »

Quote from: Athena

Iimon's answer may not have been what is practical, but at least it was honest advice, a possibility. Telling someone what they did wrong and being critical based on assumptions is not helpful in any way. Particularly when you don't offer a solution, comfort, or a prayer even. How we got to where we are is not the point. We are here in this position and it hurts. I can handle criticism if it's offered as a lesson and given with advice and love, not just for the sake of you telling me I'm wrong.

Advise you should heed is to keep trying to reconcile with your first husband. If that is no longer possible, then you must live as if you are married (because you are) and a chaste life. Always remember, with God, all things are possible.

Sbyvl · « **Reply #12 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:35:20 PM »

Quote from: Athena

I'd really like for people on this forum to stop judging and assuming things. Both of our other spouses are remarried and we have both talked to a priest already. A couple of priests actually. I did not come here seeking judgment or approval, simply support and advice. If you can not help, but only wish to judge and tell me where we went wrong then please don't bother to offer your comment.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Stubborn here.

The Catholic Church believes and professes that marriage is indissoluble. If you and this man are both already married, you have no business engaging in any romantic activities, with each other or with anyone else.

Any "re marriages" are therefore invalid, and even if your husband does not observe his marital vows, you have an obligation to be faithful until his death or yours, whichever comes first.

I do hope you will actually take this to heart. I am not writing this out of a desire to be mean or "judgmental", but as a sincere outreach to you for the benefit of your soul.

Zeitun · « **Reply #13 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:49:59 PM »

It sounds like he wants you to respect and support his decision to separate. Devoting yourself to your duties (children, household, job, family/friends) and advancing in your own spiritual life would probably be a great comfort to him. Be patient with yourself. Time heals all wounds.

OHCA · « **Reply #14 on:** July 11, 2016, 05:59:23 PM »

Quote from: Athena

How we got to where we are is not the point. We are here in this position and it hurts.

I think Bogusgerglio is working on a program for just your situmigation.