Author Topic: Mixed Company (Read 2698 times)

Louise · « **on:** July 19, 2012, 06:05:52 PM »

According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

s2srea · « **Reply #1 on:** July 19, 2012, 06:24:44 PM »

I think it depends on the nature of their relationship. If it is a random relationship, such as non neighbor, non-work related, etc., and is done for the sole intention of company keeping, I think not. The reasons should be obvious. Men and woman are naturally attracted to each other. A Catholic who would spend increasing time with an person who has no regard for the institution or sacrament of marriage places themselves in danger. It may well be an occasion of sin, which Catholics are not permitted to place themselves in.

Nylndech · « **Reply #2 on:** July 19, 2012, 06:36:50 PM »

havent thought about this

my cousin is a divorced widow

she had a kid with her husband before marrying him

and pregnant with #2 at civil wedding

they divorced eventually and he died 2-3 years later

i dont see her much anyway but still

songbird · « **Reply #3 on:** July 19, 2012, 06:56:36 PM »

Divorce; can not remarry in the eyes of the church. No flirting, dating, or touching. If my husband divorced me, and I saw him with someone like over coffee, I would be very mad! If I would see someone, it would be the same, keep my eyes at home and pray to God to make things right, or give me the strength to endure and pray for my spouse and the situation.

de Montfort · « **Reply #4 on:** July 19, 2012, 07:09:37 PM »

Quote from: songbird

Divorce; can not remarry in the eyes of the church. No flirting, dating, or touching. If my husband divorced me, and I saw him with someone like over coffee, I would be very mad! If I would see someone, it would be the same, keep my eyes at home and pray to God to make things right, or give me the strength to endure and pray for my spouse and the situation.

I was thinking the same thing, songbird. Even the most casual of encounter, even so-called innocent emailing and the like, can be that open door for flirtation and flattery, both of which are sinful. Divorced and single should not mix. We're supposed to keep strict guard and not even give the lightest hint of scandal. The safest course is keep your eyes and thoughts to yourself.

Nylndech · « **Reply #5 on:** July 19, 2012, 10:36:49 PM »

what about married and single

married person and single person of opposite sex

even if theres no sin being committed wouldnt it be scandalous anyway

maybe if husband was friends with wifes close female friend and the only time they interacted was if wife was in company (and vice versa for wife)

MaterDominici · « **Reply #6 on:** July 19, 2012, 11:17:32 PM »

Quote from: Louise

According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

If two people of opposite gender are socializing or communicating apart from that which is necessary (work), they should both be eligible for marriage (single, widowed). Even if Person A thinks, "oh, it's nothing like that, we're just friends or I'm just helping him/her", they can never honestly know what Person B is thinking/feeling. Divorced or not has no bearing on the situation as that "status" is not a part of Catholic thought. They're either married or they're not.

Louise · « **Reply #7 on:** July 19, 2012, 11:32:30 PM »

Quote from: MaterDominici

Quote from: Louise
According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

If two people of opposite gender are socializing or communicating apart from that which is necessary (work), they should both be eligible for marriage (single, widowed). Even if Person A thinks, "oh, it's nothing like that, we're just friends or I'm just helping him/her", they can never honestly know what Person B is thinking/feeling. Divorced or not has no bearing on the situation as that "status" is not a part of Catholic thought. They're either married or they're not.

Thank you, Mater. How you have explained it, is exactly how I understand it...I just had trouble articulating it which you did perfectly. Yes, I know divorce has no bearing, that was why I wrote "still married". You are correct, I should not have used the word divorced. With this explanation anyone should be able to understand...it's very straight-forward.

MaterDominici · « **Reply #8 on:** July 19, 2012, 11:36:51 PM »

Quote from: Nylndech

what about married and single

married person and single person of opposite sex

even if theres no sin being committed wouldnt it be scandalous anyway

maybe if husband was friends with wifes close female friend and the only time they interacted was if wife was in company (and vice versa for wife)

An individual married person should not be casually socializing one-on-one with a person of opposite gender that isn't their spouse. Any serious conversations between the two should be done in the company of the married person's spouse or perhaps in a public setting (as in, where there are others around who know you, like a church social).

If a married person is looking for some advice or has something they'd like to discuss apart from their spouse, he/she has two choices (1) his/her priest or (2) a friend of the same gender.

MaterDominici · « **Reply #9 on:** July 19, 2012, 11:38:38 PM »

Quote from: Louise

Quote from: MaterDominici
Quote from: Louise
According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

If two people of opposite gender are socializing or communicating apart from that which is necessary (work), they should both be eligible for marriage (single, widowed). Even if Person A thinks, "oh, it's nothing like that, we're just friends or I'm just helping him/her", they can never honestly know what Person B is thinking/feeling. Divorced or not has no bearing on the situation as that "status" is not a part of Catholic thought. They're either married or they're not.

Thank you, Mater. How you have explained it, is exactly how I understand it...I just had trouble articulating it which you did perfectly. Yes, I know divorce has no bearing, that was why I wrote "still married". You are correct, I should not have used the word divorced. With this explanation anyone should be able to understand...it's very straight-forward.

I could tell you already knew that, I was just trying to be thorough for the viewing audience. :smile:

Louise · « **Reply #10 on:** July 19, 2012, 11:55:52 PM »

Quote from: MaterDominici

Quote from: Louise
Quote from: MaterDominici
Quote from: Louise
According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

If two people of opposite gender are socializing or communicating apart from that which is necessary (work), they should both be eligible for marriage (single, widowed). Even if Person A thinks, "oh, it's nothing like that, we're just friends or I'm just helping him/her", they can never honestly know what Person B is thinking/feeling. Divorced or not has no bearing on the situation as that "status" is not a part of Catholic thought. They're either married or they're not.

Thank you, Mater. How you have explained it, is exactly how I understand it...I just had trouble articulating it which you did perfectly. Yes, I know divorce has no bearing, that was why I wrote "still married". You are correct, I should not have used the word divorced. With this explanation anyone should be able to understand...it's very straight-forward.

I could tell you already knew that, I was just trying to be thorough for the viewing audience. :smile:

Thank you, and I appreciate the clarity as well.

ggreg · « **Reply #11 on:** July 20, 2012, 06:27:49 AM »

Quote from: Nylndech

havent thought about this

my cousin is a divorced widow

she had a kid with her husband before marrying him

and pregnant with #2 at civil wedding

they divorced eventually and he died 2-3 years later

i dont see her much anyway but still

She's not married to him anymore in that case. Once he is dead the marriage bond is disolved.

"until death do us part".

Catechist99 · « **Reply #12 on:** July 25, 2012, 08:31:31 AM »

"The Devout Life" by Saint Francis de Sales covers friendships in great detail. He refers to casual friendships between men and women, without the intention of marriage, as "foolish attachments between man and woman without any matrimonial intentions as are called amourettes,—mere abortions, or rather phantoms of friendship."

It's a very helpful book with practical advice to live with holiness the other 6 days of the week.

Malleus 01 · « **Reply #13 on:** July 26, 2012, 03:27:53 PM »

Quote from: Louise

According to Catholic standards of morality, should a single person associate socially with a divorced (still married) person of the opposite sex? I say they should not be having any casual contact, communication or interacting in any way. Am I being too harsh and unreasonable? I am trying to talk with a relative about this issue and would like to hear your advice or thoughts on the question. Thank you.

Catholics are taught to avoid occasions of Sin. If the nature of the relationship is an occasion of sin- it endangers ones salvation. As Scripture says - What would it profit a man to gain the entire world and yet lose his soul.

poche · « **Reply #14 on:** August 02, 2012, 04:13:54 AM »

that would depend on what you mean by 'casual contact.' I recommend that you let prudence and charity be your guide.