In light of recent threads such as this one on Marriage vows and domestic abuse: https://www.cathinfo.com/the-sacred-catholic-liturgy-chant-prayers/marriage-vows-and-domestic-abuse/msg843570/?topicseen#msg843570, I see it paramount about working on oneself in preparation for potential marriage prospects.

I see over the years my likes and dislikes and my good traits and flaws and moral defects.

Here are some observations of mine:

1) I have struggled through trial and error to read emotional cues and listen better, but it has been difficult still. It becomes hard to find the right moment to talk and to give the right expression in times of joy or seriousness. I think this might turn many women away. I may just come off too serious and perhaps appear mean and aloof to most women for all I know. I am not exactly the best looking but not the worst either. And this is all in regard to even traditional Catholic women.

2) I still live at home with my mother and stepfather. I feel obligated to take care of them, and it seems the traditional way is to take care of your parents in their old age. They are not traditional Catholics exactly, but they are open to Tradition. At least my mother is. She is definitely the one I worry about the most with her health and all, but I feel restricted sometimes by her opinions about any situations I come across, and perhaps I fear she will be right if I make the wrong decision about something and hence fear such humiliation. She's afraid to lose me because she sees me as the only one who will be there for her. Her mother, my grandmother, did not treat her right growing up as most of her siblings have not as well due to the influence of my grandmother, who has passed on. The influence still persists. My sister also is not necessarily to be relied on always for in time of need. My stepfather and father also are of the middle period babyboomer generation of men who missed the mark on self sacrifice in varying degrees. I do love all my family members and do not mean and am sorry to speak badly about them in any way. They are good people still.

3) I have pondered moving. The problem is where would I find work in an economy that could be in shambles sooner or later? It's hard enough finding another job altogether. I am 38 and work as a banker for a good company right now. I have the weakness of buying books and have a large library of overfilled bookshelves, for I have a silly fear of the internet going down with no access to basic information, most especially on the Catholic faith. I have college debt but have been on a forgiveness program for the federal loans and refinanced the private loans on a fixed rate. I am in a better situation with those now.

4) I could exercise more too. I should also eat healthier. I just need to take more time to do so. Do you recommend any good ways of increasing serotonin?

5) As for particular virtues I want to work more on would be diligence, patience, and chastity (particularly in regard to thoughts and sight).

What do you think? Thank you.

Thank you, epiphany!

I should have probably added another flaw or aspect to me. It can be difficult these days to not be shallow, but I can see through looks to how the person acts no matter how good looking they are. I can still observe how well they behave. There is the sweetness of sanctity (or simply a natural goodness) or the stench of sin.

Thank you, Matthew!

Strangely, I have received different responses from different priests about my case. I had pursued a vocation through the Dominican order a few years ago by writing to the different groups. Avrillé could not accept me due to college debt, and the SSPX Dominican to whom I wrote had determined I did not have a vocation to the priesthood. I even wrote to the Novus Ordo east and west Dominican provinces to see what would happen. They each responded in turn wanting to talk with me more, but I did not go any further with them.

I went on an Ignatian retreat last year and it seems I could not really be part of the area of religious or priests, and it was thought I should marry.

My own priest at the chapel thought I should marry as well, and he had said to me several years ago that it is because of how I dress that layfolk have thought I should be a priest.

Recently, still being 38, a visiting SSPX priest had told me this year that I am too old for the priesthood or marriage, and he asked me if I would be interested in the religious life.

It has become confusing for me, but I have looked toward marriage still. It is still hard to find anyone. Women do not want to act like women, nor make themselves available and are always too busy. I am not perfect and can always be a better man as well, but it is difficult to find opportunities. I cannot travel often with limited vacation time, but I will see what to do.

Nevertheless, it used to be in days of old in the early Church that priests were older when they were ordained since they were wiser by that time. It was a later thing that the Church ordained men in their twenties and capped off at a certain age, although there have been exceptions.

There seems to me to be a thing in the SSPX that they do encourage more the men and the women in their twenties to get married, which I understand and support, but they do seem to give me the impression that they do not encourage people as much in their thirties to get married. Perhaps that is due to the limitation of being able to have children in regard to age, and I know that couples who marry young can adapt more easily to one and another from the start as time goes. It just not seem fair to me and to be kind of esoteric in some way.

Ignore that priests advice!

There's nothing wrong with his promoting the religious life. It's a higher state of life than marriage.

Ignore that priests advice!


When my husband and I met, he was 41 and I was 35. Moreover, he spoke poor English, he was not permanent in Australia and he had little money. Nevertheless when I laid my eyes on him I knew he was the one for me.

We married 3 months later, and forty years, 3 children and 11 grandchildren later, we are still happily wed.

38 is not too old to marry.  Just trust In God’s plan for you.

Quote from: epiphany 9/5/2022, 6:41:38 PM
The path to hell is lined with the souls of priests and bishops.