In light of recent threads such as this one on Marriage vows and domestic abuse: https://www.cathinfo.com/the-sacred-catholic-liturgy-chant-prayers/marriage-vows-and-domestic-abuse/msg843570/?topicseen#msg843570, I see it paramount about working on oneself in preparation for potential marriage prospects.You sound great!
I see over the years my likes and dislikes and my good traits and flaws and moral defects.
Here are some observations of mine:
1) I have struggled through trial and error to read emotional cues and listen better, but it has been difficult still. It becomes hard to find the right moment to talk and to give the right expression in times of joy or seriousness. I think this might turn many women away. I may just come off too serious and perhaps appear mean and aloof to most women for all I know. I am not exactly the best looking but not the worst either. And this is all in regard to even traditional Catholic women.
2) I still live at home with my mother and stepfather. I feel obligated to take care of them, and it seems the traditional way is to take care of your parents in their old age. They are not traditional Catholics exactly, but they are open to Tradition. At least my mother is. She is definitely the one I worry about the most with her health and all, but I feel restricted sometimes by her opinions about any situations I come across, and perhaps I fear she will be right if I make the wrong decision about something and hence fear such humiliation. She's afraid to lose me because she sees me as the only one who will be there for her. Her mother, my grandmother, did not treat her right growing up as most of her siblings have not as well due to the influence of my grandmother, who has passed on. The influence still persists. My sister also is not necessarily to be relied on always for in time of need. My stepfather and father also are of the middle period babyboomer generation of men who missed the mark on self sacrifice in varying degrees. I do love all my family members and do not mean and am sorry to speak badly about them in any way. They are good people still.
3) I have pondered moving. The problem is where would I find work in an economy that could be in shambles sooner or later? It's hard enough finding another job altogether. I am 38 and work as a banker for a good company right now. I have the weakness of buying books and have a large library of overfilled bookshelves, for I have a silly fear of the internet going down with no access to basic information, most especially on the Catholic faith. I have college debt but have been on a forgiveness program for the federal loans and refinanced the private loans on a fixed rate. I am in a better situation with those now.
4) I could exercise more too. I should also eat healthier. I just need to take more time to do so. Do you recommend any good ways of increasing serotonin?
5) As for particular virtues I want to work more on would be diligence, patience, and chastity (particularly in regard to thoughts and sight).
What do you think? Thank you.
Thank you, epiphany!
I should have probably added another flaw or aspect to me. It can be difficult these days to not be shallow, but I can see through looks to how the person acts no matter how good looking they are. I can still observe how well they behave. There is the sweetness of sanctity (or simply a natural goodness) or the stench of sin.
Thank you, Matthew!You should come to the TRAD MEET-UP we are hosting in November. The number of men who have signed up so far is WAY lower than the number of women. And I can vouch that at least half the women are VERY solid traditional Catholics and some have even at one point or another considered the religious life but were told that it was not their vocation.
Strangely, I have received different responses from different priests about my case. I had pursued a vocation through the Dominican order a few years ago by writing to the different groups. Avrillé could not accept me due to college debt, and the SSPX Dominican to whom I wrote had determined I did not have a vocation to the priesthood. I even wrote to the Novus Ordo east and west Dominican provinces to see what would happen. They each responded in turn wanting to talk with me more, but I did not go any further with them.
I went on an Ignatian retreat last year and it seems I could not really be part of the area of religious or priests, and it was thought I should marry.
My own priest at the chapel thought I should marry as well, and he had said to me several years ago that it is because of how I dress that layfolk have thought I should be a priest.
Recently, still being 38, a visiting SSPX priest had told me this year that I am too old for the priesthood or marriage, and he asked me if I would be interested in the religious life.
It has become confusing for me, but I have looked toward marriage still. It is still hard to find anyone. Women do not want to act like women, nor make themselves available and are always too busy. I am not perfect and can always be a better man as well, but it is difficult to find opportunities. I cannot travel often with limited vacation time, but I will see what to do.
Nevertheless, it used to be in days of old in the early Church that priests were older when they were ordained since they were wiser by that time. It was a later thing that the Church ordained men in their twenties and capped off at a certain age, although there have been exceptions.
There seems to me to be a thing in the SSPX that they do encourage more the men and the women in their twenties to get married, which I understand and support, but they do seem to give me the impression that they do not encourage people as much in their thirties to get married. Perhaps that is due to the limitation of being able to have children in regard to age, and I know that couples who marry young can adapt more easily to one and another from the start as time goes. It just not seem fair to me and to be kind of esoteric in some way.
Recently, still being 38, a visiting SSPX priest had told me this year that I am too old for the priesthood or marriage, and he asked me if I would be interested in the religious life.Ignore that priests advice!
Ignore that priests advice!There's nothing wrong with his promoting the religious life. It's a higher state of life than marriage. (https://www.cathinfo.com/the-library/vocations-explained-matrimony-virginity-religious-state-and-priesthood/msg565670/#msg565670)
There's nothing wrong with his promoting the religious life. It's a higher state of life than marriage. (https://www.cathinfo.com/the-library/vocations-explained-matrimony-virginity-religious-state-and-priesthood/msg565670/#msg565670)
There's nothing wrong with his promoting the religious life. It's a higher state of life than marriage. (https://www.cathinfo.com/the-library/vocations-explained-matrimony-virginity-religious-state-and-priesthood/msg565670/#msg565670)I did not mention or downgrade the religious life.
Ignore that priests advice!Right there with you Nadir. My husband and I didn't meet until we were 37. I did not realize you married later in life. Unfortunately we were never blessed with children, but God knows best.
When my husband and I met, he was 41 and I was 35. Moreover, he spoke poor English, he was not permanent in Australia and he had little money. Nevertheless when I laid my eyes on him I knew he was the one for me.
We married 3 months later, and forty years, 3 children and 11 grandchildren later, we are still happily wed.
38 is not too old to marry. Just trust In God’s plan for you.
Thank you, Matthew!Stop talking to priests if you want to marry.
Strangely, I have received different responses from different priests about my case. I had pursued a vocation through the Dominican order a few years ago by writing to the different groups. Avrillé could not accept me due to college debt, and the SSPX Dominican to whom I wrote had determined I did not have a vocation to the priesthood. I even wrote to the Novus Ordo east and west Dominican provinces to see what would happen. They each responded in turn wanting to talk with me more, but I did not go any further with them.
I went on an Ignatian retreat last year and it seems I could not really be part of the area of religious or priests, and it was thought I should marry.
My own priest at the chapel thought I should marry as well, and he had said to me several years ago that it is because of how I dress that layfolk have thought I should be a priest.
Recently, still being 38, a visiting SSPX priest had told me this year that I am too old for the priesthood or marriage, and he asked me if I would be interested in the religious life.
It has become confusing for me, but I have looked toward marriage still. It is still hard to find anyone. Women do not want to act like women, nor make themselves available and are always too busy. I am not perfect and can always be a better man as well, but it is difficult to find opportunities. I cannot travel often with limited vacation time, but I will see what to do.
Nevertheless, it used to be in days of old in the early Church that priests were older when they were ordained since they were wiser by that time. It was a later thing that the Church ordained men in their twenties and capped off at a certain age, although there have been exceptions.
There seems to me to be a thing in the SSPX that they do encourage more the men and the women in their twenties to get married, which I understand and support, but they do seem to give me the impression that they do not encourage people as much in their thirties to get married. Perhaps that is due to the limitation of being able to have children in regard to age, and I know that couples who marry young can adapt more easily to one and another from the start as time goes. It just not seem fair to me and to be kind of esoteric in some way.
Quote from: epiphany (https://www.cathinfo.com/index.php?topic=68571.msg844839#msg844839) 9/5/2022, 6:41:38 PMI wrote it wrong...
The path to hell is lined with the souls of priests and bishops.
This is tough. I'm 43 and have never been married and am extremely lonely. My whole adult life, any time I met a woman I was interested in, she'd be either already married or have a boyfriend or something. It's hard to believe single women exist :)Not too many single women in the 35 to 45 age range unless they are widowed or divorced.
This is tough. I'm 43 and have never been married and am extremely lonely. My whole adult life, any time I met a woman I was interested in, she'd be either already married or have a boyfriend or something. It's hard to believe single women exist :)I know a traditional Catholic woman who is 39 and unmarried and in a similar boat as you. Any respectable men just never asked her out.
I wrote it wrong...That doesn't prove the married state is safer. Hell is full of people from every state of life.
St. John Chrysostom (https://www.catholic.com/encyclopedia/john-chrysostom-saint):"The road to hell is paved with the bones of priests and monks, and the skulls of bishops are the lampposts that light the path."
I know a traditional Catholic woman who is 39 and unmarried and in a similar boat as you.No, she's not in a "similar boat". She's a woman. The OP is a man.
I know a traditional Catholic woman who is 39 and unmarried and in a similar boat as you. Any respectable men just never asked her out.I'm in north Idaho, near Coeur d'Alene. I'd definitely like to be married and don't see how anything else could be my vocation at this point.
Are you considering that marriage is your vocation? In what state do you live?
Not too many single women in the 35 to 45 age range unless they are widowed or divorced.A widow may be eligible and looking to marry.
No, she's not in a "similar boat". She's a woman. The OP is a man.Lol.. I said similar not not same boat...
That doesn't prove the married state is safer. Hell is full of people from every state of life.The way I understand it...
The religious state is the safest because it provides the most protections and graces. Fr. Lasance, in Catholic Girl's Guide (https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=2949), describes the religious state as "the shortest, most direct way to heaven"; virginity in the world as "lead[ing] to the same bright, eternal goal, by a slightly circuitous route"; and marriage as a "road lead[ing] away to the left, into a hilly region".
I'm in north Idaho, near Coeur d'Alene. I'd definitely like to be married and don't see how anything else could be my vocation at this point.Are you interested in a long distance courtship? I can ask the woman I know if she might be interested in at least talking to you.
The safest vocation is that to which one is called by God.as St. Alphonsus wrote (https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=7683): "The greatest number of those who are damned, are damned for not having corresponded to the call of God."
Are you interested in a long distance courtship? I can ask the woman I know if she might be interested in at least talking to you.I'm most closely Sedeprivationist, but I attend an SSPX church. I've always been hesitant toward long distance relationships, but I know a few people it's ended up working out for so I'd be willing to give it a shot. What state is she in?
Are you resistance, sedevacantist, SSPX or independent? :cowboy:
I'm most closely Sedeprivationist, but I attend an SSPX church. I've always been hesitant toward long distance relationships, but I know a few people it's ended up working out for so I'd be willing to give it a shot. What state is she in?So... I talked to her last night and she has recently decided (since the last time I talked to her about it) that at this point the single life is her vocation.
I'm in north Idaho, near Coeur d'Alene. I'd definitely like to be married and don't see how anything else could be my vocation at this point.
I empathize with you, Bataar. :smirk: I would imagine though that you would have a good selection between three chapels in your area, considering, from what I know, that there are FSSP, SSPX, and CMRI chapels around there. I would only guess that there would be a lot of eligible maidens at particularly the SSPX chapel since it is a big priory. I believe the largest SSPX hub after that of St. Mary's if I am not mistaken.That's the church I go to actually. The problem is that they don't really do any social activities where it's possible to meet people. They do 5 masses on Sunday and people from the next mass are usually arriving as the current Mass is ending so people are trying to get out to make room. They have a couple of classes and weekly seminars that the priests give, but there's not really any chance to interact with anyone at those kinds of events. This is just one area Catholic churches are bad at. I have some protestant friends and nearly their entire social structure is based around their church and events at their church. Multiple people I know met their spouse through the church, etc.
I want to thank AMDGJMJ for the invitation as well. Time and money is something needed if one is to travel to find a spouse. I definitely would need more of those, but each situation is different.
That's the church I go to actually. The problem is that they don't really do any social activities where it's possible to meet people. They do 5 masses on Sunday and people from the next mass are usually arriving as the current Mass is ending so people are trying to get out to make room. They have a couple of classes and weekly seminars that the priests give, but there's not really any chance to interact with anyone at those kinds of events. This is just one area Catholic churches are bad at. I have some protestant friends and nearly their entire social structure is based around their church and events at their church. Multiple people I know met their spouse through the church, etc.Have someone or maybe a few people of both sexes in mind for an after Mass get-together? Maybe invite a couple of families to a nearby park for an Autumn leaves picnic. See what happens.
I empathize with you, Bataar. :smirk: I would imagine though that you would have a good selection between three chapels in your area, considering, from what I know, that there are FSSP, SSPX, and CMRI chapels around there. I would only guess that there would be a lot of eligible maidens at particularly the SSPX chapel since it is a big priory. I believe the largest SSPX hub after that of St. Mary's if I am not mistaken.My husband and I originally met and courted over long distance. So, I totally understand about the expenses that can be involved with that. :cowboy:
I want to thank AMDGJMJ for the invitation as well. Time and money is something needed if one is to travel to find a spouse. I definitely would need more of those, but each situation is different.
That's the church I go to actually. The problem is that they don't really do any social activities where it's possible to meet people. They do 5 masses on Sunday and people from the next mass are usually arriving as the current Mass is ending so people are trying to get out to make room. They have a couple of classes and weekly seminars that the priests give, but there's not really any chance to interact with anyone at those kinds of events. This is just one area Catholic churches are bad at. I have some protestant friends and nearly their entire social structure is based around their church and events at their church. Multiple people I know met their spouse through the church, etc.Wow... If your chapel is that big maybe you could talk to your priest about him letting you start a singles group for the parish? We recently had someone start one at our chapel, but it sounds tiny in comparison to yours.::)
That's the church I go to actually. The problem is that they don't really do any social activities where it's possible to meet people. They do 5 masses on Sunday and people from the next mass are usually arriving as the current Mass is ending so people are trying to get out to make room. They have a couple of classes and weekly seminars that the priests give, but there's not really any chance to interact with anyone at those kinds of events. This is just one area Catholic churches are bad at. I have some protestant friends and nearly their entire social structure is based around their church and events at their church. Multiple people I know met their spouse through the church, etc.Maybe start a young adult (singles) club at the church, yourself, with approval of the priest? If he doesn't give approval, do it anyway. You just won't get to "advertise" in the bulletin.
Maybe start a young adult (singles) club at the church, yourself, with approval of the priest? If he doesn't give approval, do it anyway. You just won't get to "advertise" in the bulletin.Hahaha! Apparently we both were writing up the same idea at the same time. 🤣