Author Topic: Joke - Texan writes home from Basic Training (Read 1104 times)

Matthew · « **on:** June 03, 2013, 12:44:47 PM »

Letter From Basic Training
A Texas Farm boy joins the Army, and this is his first letter home from Basic Training:
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Dear Ma and Pa:
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Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.
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I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things — no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
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Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
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We go on “route marches,” which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
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The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
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I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why, the bull’s-eye is near big as a chipmunk and don’t move and it ain’t shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don’t even load your own cartridges they come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
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Your loving son,
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Zeke
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P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma’s teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.

Matthew · « **Reply #1 on:** June 03, 2013, 12:48:22 PM »

Replace "basic training" with "the seminary" and you'll see why I think it's great for children to grow up on some land.

Growing up on some acreage is "part of a balanced breakfast", as it were. It's not enough by itself, but together with some good parents, a solid Catholic upbringing, and some good home schooling, you should have yourself some good kids.

This letter, while a joke, did make some good points. Living on some land does give you:

A chance to get good at shooting (Because you can shoot in your backyard -- you'll never get good if you have to drive 1/2 hour, pay fees, etc. to "go shooting")

A chance to stay in good shape, etc.

It resets your internal measurements on what "a great distance" is. Like the man said about "it's only about as far as our mailbox".

Domitilla · « **Reply #2 on:** June 03, 2013, 02:54:08 PM »

Thanks, Matthew, for the letter from basic training. That was the best and sweetest laugh I've had all day.

Luker · « **Reply #3 on:** June 04, 2013, 08:36:18 AM »

Thanks Mathew that joke was good, made my morning.
Any idea from around what time frame it is from? WW2 era?

Luke