Author Topic: Is Not Sending a "Wedding" Gift, Okay? (Read 1574 times)

MrsZ · « **on:** August 03, 2011, 03:52:55 PM »

My H's former work colleague (and someone my H describes as a "friend" although they hardly ever see or talk to each other .. and live hundreds of miles apart) ... was raised Catholic (Novus Ordo). He got married in the Church .. and a few years later (I don't know the details) he got divorced. Last year, he got engaged to another woman. She is also "Catholic" (i.e. Novus Ordo, too) and I don't believe she's been married before. At first, the friend was beginning the process of annulment .. then he found out it could take up to 18 months to be concluded .. and he decided to forget about it and get "married" again, anyway.

Apparently, he has made friends with her family and even goes to N.O. Mass with them. (Can you see all the happy, grinning faces here? :smile: :smile: :smile:) ? My H said he talked with him a couple of years ago, before he got engaged, about being Catholic and marriage and all that. Although, my H being a hardcore "sanguine" likely made it very vague and overly gentle...enough so that he was likely misunderstood by said friend.... :thinking: but that is another story and a long one at that!

Now they're getting "married" at a country club (big wedding, 26 attendants, etc) and we were sent an invitation. I returned the invitation sending our "regrets" at not being able to attend. Which is perfectly truthful. I'm very sorry we cannot attend. I'd love to go to a wedding!

Anyway, my question now is: Do I have to send a wedding gift? I think in a normal situation would require that we send a gift even if we don't attend. But I was thinking we shouldn't because just like attending wedding or reception that signifies not only acceptance but celebration of what is an invalid marriage. Is this correct? I'm a little worried that the friend and his "new wife" might be offended that we didn't send a gift...completely missing the point that they're doing something wrong.

parentsfortruth · « **Reply #1 on:** August 03, 2011, 04:19:17 PM »

I have the perfect wedding gift to send him: Have a Mass said for them. Hopefully it'll break it up and this man will get his head on the right way, and leave the harlot he's "marrying."

MaterDominici · « **Reply #2 on:** August 03, 2011, 05:43:52 PM »

I wouldn't send a gift (unless you go with PFT's idea). Yes, it's customary, but the presumption there is that the reason you're not attending has to do with scheduling, distance, etc, not the fact that you don't approve of the marriage to begin with.

I've always thought it would be fun to send some sort of reminder of what you gave them at the first wedding.

Sigismund · « **Reply #3 on:** August 03, 2011, 06:43:44 PM »

I don't think you are even socially obligated to send a gift if you don't go to the wedding. However, I think the Mass is a great idea.

Darcy · « **Reply #4 on:** August 03, 2011, 06:45:39 PM »

It's customary but not an obligation. And many people do not send a gift if they cannot attend.
If they aren't going to be in your circle of friends, I would not.
The groom, who is the one your husband knows, is likely to not even know of the custom. If the wedding is large, they may not be keeping track. (iow, I do not think they will hold it against you in the future.)

I surely would not loose one ounce of sleep over it.

If you are still so inclined, send them a copy of the Douay-Rheims Bible.

Gifts are customarily mailed to the home of the bride-to-be and are not supposed to be brought to the wedding or reception.