A man scoffs at his wife's desire for kind words, hugs and gifts and the woman likewise is disgusted by her husband telling her to wear more make-up, be always on the mood etc.

That is clearly not the reason for the divorce rate.  These trite conventions make for good cover stories though, especially for women.  Notice how SoJ in this sentence is really putting all the blame on men when talking about the respective needs of men and women.  This is the sort of thing that pop psychologists and women's magazines say.

To add to my last post, there's this implication in your post (although, I doubt it was intended) that women need and deserve to be treated like real people, with depth and real needs, that go far beyond the superficial.  While men, on the other hand, do not have needs that go beyond the superficial!  

I should add that that doesn't fall just under sex but also the physical in the sense of not letting herself go, taking care to still be attractive to him, making sure he can still be proud to have her as his wife.

(within reasonable bounds of course, considering all the changes she goes through with childbearing and age, that's where his needs must mature and deepen as well)

I have known many modern women who scorn this and become selfish about what is convenient to them rather than what their husbands need, then they can't understand why he checks out and won't meet her emotional needs either. It's exactly as spouse says and it goes both ways, it's always a two-way street with these things.

I should add that that doesn't fall just under sex but also the physical in the sense of not letting herself go, taking care to still be attractive to him, making sure he can still be proud to have her as his wife.

(within reasonable bounds of course, considering all the changes she goes through with childbearing and age, that's where his needs must mature and deepen as well)

I have known many modern women who scorn this and become selfish about what is convenient to them rather than what their husbands need, then they can't understand why he checks out and won't meet her emotional needs either. It's exactly as spouse says and it goes both ways, it's always a two-way street with these things.

I guess that does make sense to me, but in a more broad sense.  It seems like if either of them let themselves go in any area of their life, they end up not being there for others and their spouse is sort of stuck with that for the rest of their life, if they don't stop it!  So, in that sense, it makes complete sense to me.  You know, you have a responsibility to your spouse to take care of yourself, because they depend on you and they are sort of "stuck with you."  

In regards to "checking out," it seems like either can do that too.  You start blowing off your spouse, then another words, you aren't making them much of a priority in your life and that's not right.  They deserve that because of their position or "rank" in your life.  It's like loving your neighbor.  You don't have a closer neighbor than your spouse.  So, to just kind of blow them off, seems pretty cold and of course, hypocritical.  

Quote from: wallflower

I should add that that doesn't fall just under sex but also the physical in the sense of not letting herself go, taking care to still be attractive to him, making sure he can still be proud to have her as his wife.

(within reasonable bounds of course, considering all the changes she goes through with childbearing and age, that's where his needs must mature and deepen as well)

I have known many modern women who scorn this and become selfish about what is convenient to them rather than what their husbands need, then they can't understand why he checks out and won't meet her emotional needs either. It's exactly as spouse says and it goes both ways, it's always a two-way street with these things.

I guess that does make sense to me, but in a more broad sense.  It seems like if either of them let themselves go in any area of their life, they end up not being there for others and their spouse is sort of stuck with that for the rest of their life, if they don't stop it!  So, in that sense, it makes complete sense to me.  You know, you have a responsibility to your spouse to take care of yourself, because they depend on you and they are sort of "stuck with you."  

In regards to "checking out," it seems like either can do that too.  You start blowing off your spouse, then another words, you aren't making them much of a priority in your life and that's not right.  They deserve that because of their position or "rank" in your life.  It's like loving your neighbor.  You don't have a closer neighbor than your spouse.  So, to just kind of blow them off, seems pretty cold and of course, hypocritical.  

Very true. I used the example of women letting go first but really it can be either or both that do it.  

While we're at it, an anecdote about the little things...

DH made me smile yesterday because he came home with scouring pads. Silly little thing? Absolutely. But it meant more than that. He had a shopping list to pick up on his way home but scouring pads were not on it. I had only mentioned needing them the day before and they hadn't made it to the list but he remembered on his own. It means he's listening and in tune with my needs, even the little ones. He's thinking of me and wants to make things easier on me because he loves me not because I have to nag.  

Those little things make a big impact in day to day life even though on the surface they seem superficial. But I got scouring pads and emotional reinforcement, he got a kiss and a happy wife. Not superficial at all.

DH?

I see no value in any novel romance book.  Women have had their soap operas and women can do that in their heads, called wrong perceptions.  I think it is of the devil to entertain oneself in their head.  It is a waste of time and you can see there are so many romance books that a whole story can take up just that one category.  Some do it on consignment. They are dangerous and I consider myself to be a lady.  I think the books make a lady look intellectual when they have it in a book and not a sleazy magazine like Playboy. Both to me are the same.