Author Topic: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships  (Read 2842 times)

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Offline Matthew

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  • Look at this post on "Stack Exchange", a question & answer forum. Can you imagine the insanity? People have forgotten -- and they deny -- basic human nature.


    How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

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    I have a friend (a girl), who I met around 8 months ago. Since then, she has become my best friend and we are extremely close. Understandably, my wife is envious of the relationship and even sometimes suspects it is more than a platonic friendship (at least emotionally).
    How can I convince her that the relationship is platonic without changing the nature of the friendship?
    Here are the critical, key points:
    • Me and 'Katie' (fictional name for my friend, for future reference only) met at a wrestling class. This is an intimate sport with a lot of close, physical contact. We both love the sport and we train together 3 times per week (in a class situation) and then 1 on 1 alone once a week.
    • We meet up once a week for a non wrestling related day. We usually do another activity just for fun and then go out for food or just hang out somewhere for the day.
    • We have a holiday booked for 1 week. It is a training camp and we are sharing a room, but it is a twin room.
    • We speak on the phone (via a txting app) on average 2 - 3 times per day. I would say we exchange an average of 20 - 50 messages per day. We always send one to each other last thing at night.
    • When we have been apart, we have told each other how we miss each-other and have exchanged mutual feelings of loving each others company, loving being friends etc. She has also said if I am down or look sad that it makes her feel the same way.
    • Understandably, the above makes it look like there is something more than friendship potentially. But here is the thing. We are both married. She has said she is happily married and has 4 children with her husband. But she has also said that he is happy with our friendship and that she wants us to be friends forever. She said that since knowing me, she has been much happier in general.
    [color][font][font][size]
    The friendship has dramatically improved my happiness levels. Having such a close friend is amazing, and I want to keep that, whilst keeping my partner happy and comfortable also.
    I have spoken to my wife about the friend and she said she won't stop me seeing her but that she is very jealous of it and doesn't like it.[/size][/font][/font][/color]
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    Online Pax Vobis

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #1 on: July 13, 2018, 10:16:57 AM »
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  • Such a weird world we live in.  I'll bet a lot of $ that guy doesn't have children with his wife, or else how does he have so much time to do all of this?  Also, the fact that they don't have children means that their 'marriage' is really just a long-term 'structured dating' environment.  Science has shown that couples who have children stay together a lot longer.  Any married relationship which consciously avoids children will eventually fail.  Sounds like this guy is bored with his life and his wife. 


    Offline Cantarella

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #2 on: July 13, 2018, 11:22:56 AM »
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  • There is no such a thing as men and women friendship  :fryingpan:
    If anyone says that true and natural water is not necessary for baptism and thus twists into some metaphor the words of our Lord Jesus Christ" Unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Spirit" (Jn 3:5) let him be anathema.

    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #3 on: July 13, 2018, 11:41:13 AM »
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  • So, wrestling with her and sharing a room with her on holiday ... that's OK now?  There's nothing "Platonic" about this even if there isn't actual copulation.  There's no way that this guy would feel the same way about some male friend of his, and that's the clue.  So he wants to keep the "friendship" despite the fact that he claims to want to keep his wife happy and "comfortable" ... even though it clearly makes her unhappy.  So he's amazed that his wife is "jealous" of this relationship?

    No man or woman should have a particular friendship with a member of the opposite sex who is not at the same time their spouse.  Period.

    He claims that he wants to make his wife happy, but is a liar because he doesn't care about hurting her.  If you don't want to hurt her, you don't do stuff like this.

    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #4 on: July 13, 2018, 11:43:20 AM »
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  • There is no such a thing as men and women friendship  :fryingpan:

    Unless of course the man is a homosexual and the woman a lesbian.  Otherwise, any emotional intimacy quickly transitions into physical intimacy ... and, honestly, the emotional intimacy is worse that a mere physical one ... even if that were NOT to happen.  Odds are slim that this doesn't quickly turn sexual in their shared hotel room.


    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #5 on: July 13, 2018, 11:44:32 AM »
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  • Such a weird world we live in.  I'll bet a lot of $ that guy doesn't have children with his wife, or else how does he have so much time to do all of this?  Also, the fact that they don't have children means that their 'marriage' is really just a long-term 'structured dating' environment.  Science has shown that couples who have children stay together a lot longer.  Any married relationship which consciously avoids children will eventually fail.  Sounds like this guy is bored with his life and his wife.

    But the woman is "happily married" with 4 children.  What's her excuse?

    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #6 on: July 13, 2018, 11:56:15 AM »
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  • The guy is also clueless.

    Just like some women are clueless when they get too physical with a guy (hugs, etc.) and are surprised (or feign surprise) when the man is turned on by it. NEWSFLASH - guys are physical that way.

    This man is similarly clueless, developing a deep relationship with this woman, getting emotionally attached, spending lots of time with her, paying attention to her -- for a female, that would attract her to him, the same way guys are attracted by physical actions and traits.

    (As a side note, I really do believe some women are clueless about the effect their short shorts, low tops, tight pants, etc. have on the men around them. They assume that men are just like women only with different plumbing or something. NO, men and women are so different that, if it weren't for the ability to reproduce with each other, a compelling argument could be made that men and women are a different species.

    Men and women are wired differently. If a man DID want to seduce a woman, he would have much more success getting an emotional affair going first, rather than walking around without his shirt on or something. Women are not the same as men.

    That is why female porn ("romance novels") is so different than male porn (a bunch of videos and images). Yes, I know some women have so twisted their nature that they have become like virtual men. I pity them. But it doesn't change the facts of how women are created and designed by their Creator.


    In the end, though, I think the situation (above) is more of a case of people DECEIVING THEMSELVES. This man obviously loves the company of this woman more than he enjoys the company of his wife -- he probably loves her more than his wife -- he's just pretending. Deceit is worst when practiced on oneself.

    As my life philosophy goes (taught to me by Bishop Slupski for many years), "Be honest with yourself; be honest with God."
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #7 on: July 13, 2018, 12:04:33 PM »
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  • I should also add:

    I have to laugh when I read various non-Catholic forums, usually populated by a lot of anti-feminists ("manosphere" or "red pill" types) and they talk about getting women -- they approach it from a completely physical male-minded perspective, as if women are just like men, only prettier or with different plumbing.

    Since they, a bunch of men, are attracted by the physical, they assume women are as well!

    Hahaha!

    Women are MUCH less concerned with looks than men are. Men, if you really want to attract a woman, skip the gym and the weights (which ALL of them universally recommend to each other), forget about making your face beautiful, and go learn how to talk and listen to women, write sonnets, songs, play the guitar or something. You'll get way more mileage out of that.

    Women are not men. Men are not women. It's simple!

    Anyone with a bit of life experience can tell you about all the attractive and/or skinny girls they know who went for guys that are a "3" or less on the 1-10 scale. Guys that are grossly overweight, balding, or both! Women have different priorities.
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    Offline Incredulous

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #8 on: July 13, 2018, 12:07:37 PM »
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  • Uh... I think the wife is right... I wouldn't trust Katie.

    "Some preachers will keep silence about the truth, and others will trample it underfoot and deny it. Sanctity of life will be held in derision even by those who outwardly profess it, for in those days Our Lord Jesus Christ will send them not a true Pastor but a destroyer."  St. Francis of Assisi

    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #9 on: July 13, 2018, 12:14:11 PM »
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  • Man! That image!

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    Offline Cantarella

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #10 on: July 13, 2018, 12:14:30 PM »
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  • Quote
    NO, men and women are so different that, if it weren't for the ability to reproduce with each other, a compelling argument could be made that men and women are a different species.

    Best thing I read today.

    If anyone says that true and natural water is not necessary for baptism and thus twists into some metaphor the words of our Lord Jesus Christ" Unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Spirit" (Jn 3:5) let him be anathema.


    Offline Cantarella

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #11 on: July 13, 2018, 12:20:09 PM »
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  • Quote
    . Men, if you really want to attract a woman, skip the gym and the weights (which ALL of them universally recommend to each other), forget about making your face beautiful, and go learn how to talk and listen to women, write sonnets, songs, play the guitar or something.

    You are so right.

    I would add that men who are over-concerned with their looks are actually quite effeminate.
    If anyone says that true and natural water is not necessary for baptism and thus twists into some metaphor the words of our Lord Jesus Christ" Unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Spirit" (Jn 3:5) let him be anathema.

    Offline Cantarella

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #12 on: July 13, 2018, 12:30:21 PM »
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  • I have to laugh when I read various non-Catholic forums, usually populated by a lot of anti-feminists ("manosphere" or "red pill" types) and they talk about getting women -- they approach it from a completely physical male-minded perspective, as if women are just like men, only prettier or with different plumbing.

    Since they, a bunch of men, are attracted by the physical, they assume women are as well!

    Hahaha!

    This goes both ways.

    Women thinking that men are attracted to the same things we do (leadership, resources, independence, strength, etc). That is why modern women brag about their degrees, successful careers, or "I make more money than you", etc...like men actually cared about those things; (instead of looks). It is laughable.

    It is as if each sex projects itself into the other, being actually clueless of each other; instead of recognizing that we do seem different species; only to be united for the procreation of families in Marriage.  

    I think this is, for the most part, a modern phenomenon, though. People before used to have a better perception of the differences between male and female nature.
    If anyone says that true and natural water is not necessary for baptism and thus twists into some metaphor the words of our Lord Jesus Christ" Unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Spirit" (Jn 3:5) let him be anathema.

    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #13 on: July 13, 2018, 12:41:14 PM »
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  • This goes both ways.

    Women thinking that men are attracted to the same things we do (leadership, resources, independence, strength, etc). That is why modern women brag about their degrees, successful careers, or "I make more money than you", etc...like men actually cared about those things; (instead of looks). It is laughable.

    It is as if each sex projects itself into the other, being actually clueless of each other; instead of recognizing that we do seem different species; only to be united for the procreation of families in Marriage.  

    I think this is, for the most part, a modern phenomenon, though. People before used to have a better perception of the differences between male and female nature.
    Yup. Right on.
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    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Insanity in the modern world - male-female close friendships
    « Reply #14 on: July 13, 2018, 01:07:41 PM »
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  • Women are MUCH less concerned with looks than men are.

    For some reason, though, that's shifting in the younger generations.  I believe Croix that the newer generations primarily go after men for their looks.  I heard an EWTN radio show where the priest said that statistics indicate that pretty much half of all visitors to porn sites are women / girls.


     

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