Hello,
About ten or so years ago I wrote a small perl script that is tied to Goffine's Devout Instructions of The Epistle and Gospel readings on each Sunday and Holy Days for Catholic friends at lived so remote that they could rarely go to Mass.  While not a replacement or substitute for Mass, it does help to keep the day special.  Give it a try...

http://traditionalcatholic.net/Scripture/Calendar/today.html

I also have a daily Saints Calendar at

http://traditionalcatholic.net/Tradition/Calendar/today.html

Crossbro,

If memory serves, your four hundred "masses" were Novus Ordo's, yes?

No longer attending the Novus Ordo is a good thing.  Your confused conflation of it with a Catholic Mass is the problem.  Don't feel bad about not giving money to the Novus Ordo Church.

It sounds like God is pulling you away from that counterfeit religion.  

Are you praying the rosary?  

61 of the masses were at the TLM mission. 3 or 4 others were TLM at the Cathedral. I am registered as a member of the TLM. All of my Sunday Masses, to my recollection were TLM.

330+ daily masses were mainly at the Cathedral and Libby NOMer.

Last year I attended 400 masses and went to confession over 40 times..... There is not a single priest in the entire diocese who knows my name.

You are obviously attached to the Novus Ordo and the other day you posted that you have just discovered that the Holy Trinity is a person, so your education in the faith is clearly lacking. It won't improve, but it will deteriorate, while ever you attend newmasses which are NOT CATHOLIC. So it is good to stop those.

Sometimes I ask if God wants me back then he could fill me with the desire or give me a sign. Nothing.
 

Beware of putting God to the test. I might be wrong here but it sounds mightily like presumption on your part.
Deut, 16-17:

Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God, as thou temptedst him in the place of temptation. Keep the precepts of the Lord thy God, and the testimonies and ceremonies which he hath commanded thee.

Matt. 4:7

Jesus said to him (the devil): It is written again: Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

With the loss of my faith I have discovered that I have lost ambition in regards to cleanliness, work, and health.

Is this not the sign you are looking for, but cannot recognise for what it is?

It all comes back to one thing: Pope Francis

Do not let this fellow dishearten you. That you are disheartened by him is a sign you need to strengthen your faith.  We do not depend on the pope to save us. We are saved through the Blood our Saviour shed for us. Meanwhile do not cease to cry out to God and His Blessed Mother, especially by means of the Rosary.

Jesus said to him (the devil): It is written again: Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

What about the parable of the lost sheep ? Jesus leaves the flock to search for it ? How about the rejoicing over the lost coin ?

For what little it's worth.

Some folks who have frequent dry periods and are looking for comfort from God, but feel they are not receiving it, are the types who have difficulty with their own emotions. Rather than looking for love to be placed in their hearts they need to give it, and try to kindle that flame in their hearts repeatedly. The effort and giving, without forcing, is what brings out charity. Not blowing too strongly (forcing), nor too little, to help the fire.

I think a large focus on all the troubles in the Church today is bad for this sort of situation too because it just brings you down. God will take care of these things, one's responsibility is first towards loving God and personal holiness. One has to temper one's intake of various things..

One can just be Catholic and ignore all the rest.

Some sources of happiness:

Gratitude for gifts given. Thinking back on the good gifts God has given you, remembering them.

Prayers that make Heaven happy:

The Golden Arrow

May the most holy, most sacred,
most adorable, most mysterious
and unutterable Name of God
be always praised, blessed,
loved, adored and glorified,
in heaven, on earth and under the earth,
by all the creatures of God,
and by the Sacred Heart of Our Lord Jesus Christ
in the most holy Sacrament of the altar.

This prayer is very useful for happiness because Heaven's happiness comes to the heart ready to receive it.

Short aspirations: 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, help us.'

Complete trust and surrender to God in faith. He will take care of it all. Rely on Him. Don't think of the troubles of today. Simply have faith.

You don't have to do everything.

Think about the goodness of God, and that enkindles charity.

'For the rest brethren, what things soever be true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever
just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever amiable, of good report, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, these things think upon.' Philippians 4:8

Crossbro, I quit the Church for some years in the early seventies. I had just completed High school at a Catholic all boys boarding school, and even though we were not saturated in religion there, I just wanted to get away from religion. And get away I did. These were the worst years of my life.

Fools like us must always remember ( and this is not always easy) the words of the Psalmist: The fool said in his heart there is no God.

Please return to the TLM, and if Francis bugs you so much, maybe attending a sede chapel will do you some good. You Americans are so lucky in that you, more than anyone in the world, have reasonably good access to the TLM.

God bless!

 

prayers crossboro