That fits my experience. I can't handle it very well.
Do you have suggestions about what a woman can do if she inadvertently gets into that situation? I see what you mean about not playing the victim card, but is there some way to surrender?
Surrender is a loaded term! Don't concede a point unless you've been convinced. You don't want to jump into something haphazardly, but you also don't want to roll over just for a tummy rub.
I'll start with myself. If I get too angry, I just stop posting. Some topics require more of a cool down than others. My personal limit is probably way higher than most, admittedly!
There's no point trying to announce it while it's happening. No point in conceding something I'm not about to concede. If I feel I said something out of turn, I'll admit to it where I can. If not, I'm content remaining in open disagreement. I'm not perfect and I have gone over the line from time to time. I do try to stay objective and not to harbor grudges or long term hatreds. The goal of my rhetoric is mostly just to break down what I believe is wrong but not wanting to utterly destroy someone.
I'll admit it doesn't quite look like that at times!
As much as I would like to get people to agree with me, I can't make them. It's useful to set my limits before I get involved. I say what I think needs to be said and move on.
So my advice can be summed up like this: whenever you get too emotionally invested, immediately disengage and get away from the PC. It might be useful to examine why exactly it is that got to that level in the first place. How much you need people to agree and/or acknowledge your point? If you are truly secure in your position, you'll be able to let go of outside validation. The need for someone to agree with us can often make us feel like we're developing a better argument than the one we actually have.
Give yourself room away from the argument to do some more research before stepping back in. Give yourself permission to be wrong and learn from it. The best time to walk away is when arguments begin to repeat. If nothing new is being said, it's not worth continuing. As long as you're satisfied your view has been well represented, all that's left are deep seated beliefs which may or may not need a minor miracle to change no matter how obviously wrong it may seem to you.
And hey, if you find that you were wrong don't be ashamed to admit it, but be careful not to over-apologize!