Author Topic: How to avoid an invalid marriage? (Read 1064 times)

spouse of Jesus · « **on:** December 11, 2010, 11:58:13 AM »

How much information should we give to a potential spouse in order not to be guilty of deceiving?
Should we give all details of past sicknesses and problems? If yes, then how much information must be given?
If for example a boy has been in prison and then declared innocent after a short while, is he obliged to tell his future wife everything about it?
Should all childhood troubles, misgivings in the family etc. be told if you don't want to enter an invalid marriage because of not telling the truth?

Telesphorus · « **Reply #1 on:** December 11, 2010, 12:12:18 PM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

How much information should we give to a potential spouse in order not to be guilty of deceiving?
Should we give all details of past sicknesses and problems? If yes, then how much information must be given?
If for example a boy has been in prison and then declared innocent after a short while, is he obliged to tell his future wife everything about it?
Should all childhood troubles, misgivings in the family etc. be told if you don't want to enter an invalid marriage because of not telling the truth?

You don't have to tell anything unless it's an impediment, I would think.

The Novus Ordo tribunals and advocates operate on bad canon law - disregard their opinions.

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #2 on:** December 12, 2010, 12:22:56 PM »

Could you please explain more?

Telesphorus · « **Reply #3 on:** December 12, 2010, 12:43:37 PM »

Quote from: spouse of Jesus

Could you please explain more?

I'm not an expert. But it would seem to me you aren't required to say anything about your past life except those circuмstances that would be impediments to marriage if they are not known by other party. That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell a prospective spouse those things, but I can't imagine where the Church binds people to confess their sins and bad circuмstances to others without a good reason.

ora pro me · « **Reply #4 on:** December 12, 2010, 04:28:44 PM »

Dear Spouse,
May I suggest that you consult a Catholic (traditional) priest with your questions? My first thought when I read your question is that you are having a problem with scruples. Please beware of scruples because it is a favorite and frequent trick of the devil. The devil will get a person to worry that he or she has committed a sin when no sin has been committed, or the devil will tempt a person to believe or worry excessively that a fault or even a temptation is a sin. Then the devil will begin to tempt that person to despair, whispering into his or her soul "I can never be a good Catholic", "It's too hard", or "I can never save my soul".

Beware of scruples - the favorite and most frequent trick of the devil. Scruples can and will lead to despair if the person doesn't work on keeping them in check. A priest is trained to help a person spot scruples.

Pray frequent acts of Faith, Hope and Love. When saying these prayers, pray for an increase in these virtues.

Pray your Rosary every day and pray 3 Hail Mary's every morning and every night asking Our Lady to keep you from falling into sin. Rely on Mary and completely trust in Her love and mercy for you.

Now, if indeed, you have a real question in regards to preventing an illegitimate marriage, may I suggest that you consult a priest with your specific questions? I hope that I have been of some help to you. If I have not hit even remotely close to your question, forgive me for bringing these things up and yet, because scruples are a frequent trick of the devil it is imperative that we are all on our guard against this difficulty.

ora pro me

ora pro me · « **Reply #5 on:** December 12, 2010, 05:31:24 PM »

In pondering the question posed above a bit more, I see that my post may be way off the mark, but rather than hit my delete or edit button, I'll leave it in case it is helpful at all to anyone reading.

In answering the actual question, I will say that asking a priest the question may be the answer.

Also, Telesphorus has some good points. His comment on the bad canon law of the Novus Ordo church is one that could be explored more. The damage that all of the annulments that have been granted in the past 50 years by the Novus Ordo church has done tremendous harm. Spouse, could the many bogus reasons for annulments in the new church have had an impact on your question?

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #6 on:** December 12, 2010, 10:02:10 PM »

Yes. though I don't want to beggin a discussion about annulments (that would fall into "crisis in the church" section). But I doubt the validity of arguments behind annulments:
First: mental illness: Unfortunately one third of the whole population suffer from it. It is especially the case for societies involved in wars and other disasters. So by denying them the right to marry and forcing one third of the world to stay celibate, you open the door to many evils.
Second: not telling the truth: Everyone has a dark side. Though I am against lying to a spouse, I think a detailed explanation of everything is harmful.

TKGS · « **Reply #7 on:** December 13, 2010, 09:38:31 AM »

What precise historical information must be disclosed to a potential spouse in order to validly marry (i.e., not be married under false pretenses) is, I think, quite minimal.

One must not know every single thing about an individual's past in order to validly marry that individual. On the other hand, anything that would have a substantial affect upon the prospective spouse (e.g., a criminal past that may preclude future employment, large debt that may be taken into the marriage, venereal diseases contracted and other known medical problems that would affect the potential spouse, prior religious beliefs and affiliations if one is a convert, etc.) must be, I think, disclosed. Most of these type of past issues would, over the course of a friendship (which I think is important in a successful marriage) would probably come up in conversation over the course of time.

In any event, if there is anything a partner wants to keep hidden, it is probably important enough to disclose though would not ordinarily invalidate a marriage.

Specific questions should be discussed with your confessor.

If you want to take Novus Ordo standards, however, I think if you, or anyone you know, has ever had a hangnail during any time you've known the potential spouse, you would probably have grounds for an annulment even if you didn't know about it.

spouse of Jesus · « **Reply #8 on:** December 20, 2010, 02:33:31 AM »

For example, I used to be under treament for depression and anxiety as a child/teenage. I will tell the future spouse about it.
but in one occasion some doctor told my mother to send me to an instituation where they could examine my blood, brain waves etc. she did it while my father was abscent. I spent only two weeks there because they saw nothing wrong and even chided my mother for putting "a normal child in a place where she can get worse"!
Should I tell a future husband about this? It is such a stigma in my culture to have ever been in a mental hospital.

TKGS · « **Reply #9 on:** December 20, 2010, 07:05:28 AM »

You weren't in a mental hospital. You were put there for evaluation and the hospital said this was not where you should be.

As I noted above, I think this information will, during the time you develop a friendship with a prospective husband, end up being discussed between the two of you. Clearly, this is not even a concern.