Author Topic: How are you supposed to behave if your parents are in adultery? (Read 1022 times)

Disputaciones · « **on:** October 10, 2015, 02:12:42 PM »

I know what you must do if you're already independent or you live by yourself and have a family etc.

But what if someone is still living with their parents, and they get separated, and then the one you're living with starts seeing someone else and starts dating this person, how are you supposed to act if the person starts coming to the house? What if this new person starts giving you gifts and inviting your mom and you to go out and stuff like that? Are you supposd to refuse all this? Act coldly? Tell them something? Or act all nice as if nothing's going on?

This hasn't got to do with me btw; I want to know for someone else who is in this situation.

Marlelar · « **Reply #1 on:** October 10, 2015, 03:23:03 PM »

There are so many variables in this sort of situation that it is impossible to give any hard and fast "rules", but if they are worldlings I guess it would not matter, the child would be hurting from the separation but should be respectful to any adult. If he is an adult child he can certainly decline going out if that is what he wants and not accepting gifts if so inclined. If he is a minor child then he needs to discuss it with his mother first and come to some agreement regarding outings and gifts. I would think any mother would understand his unwillingness to accompany them on "dates" or accept gifts.

No matter what he must retain a respectful attitude towards his mother and her date, one thing that is important is not "acting" like a child, no matter how much he is hurting.

He will probably never know the truth behind why the marriage broke up, it doesn't happen overnight, as a couple they were in "trouble" for a long, long, time. He can only pray for them and for peace of soul for himself at this point, and keep the lines of communication open with both parents.

It's a shame parents do not take into account how divorce effects their kids, even adult kids.

songbird · « **Reply #2 on:** October 10, 2015, 05:01:27 PM »

first of all, depending on your age. If you can leave and live in a home where morality is good, go for it. It is your way, big way, of letting your parent know, they are totally wrong and in adultery!

Speak up and tell your parent, you are in total disagreement and you feel bad enough to take a hike. You want nothing to do with the situation. If you are under age, that other person should not enter in your home. Your parent should be keeping you out of the situation. To take a gift, to give a smile, is giving them thoughts that you agree and accept the situation.

Don't be afraid at all to speak your mind! If you don't, and you want to speak your mind, you will feel regrets. It is best to speak up! And pray, pray, pray!

Disputaciones · « **Reply #3 on:** October 10, 2015, 07:32:52 PM »

The one in question is a girl, overage, but not able to live by herself yet.

Marlelar · « **Reply #4 on:** October 11, 2015, 01:57:26 AM »

Well then she can certainly, graciously, decline the gifts and invitations. She can just tell the man she would not feel comfortable accepting gifts from him nor accompanying him when he and the mom are on a "date". If her mother makes a stink she can, gently but firmly remind her mother that she is a married woman and should not be in the company of other men. If mom persists then the daughter should hold her ground but remain respectful. The WORST thing the daughter could do would be to get on her high-horse and lecture the mom, it will backfire and mom will dig in her heels to maintain her "freedom" to see other men.

poche · « **Reply #5 on:** October 11, 2015, 04:41:54 AM »

Here much prudence is required. In the past most of the liturature revolved around parents of adult children who wanted to come home and visit with their fiances or boyfriends or girlfriends and wanted to share the same bed. Of course the answer is "no" and since the parents presumably owned the home they could make and enforce the rules. They were in a position of power
Now the situation is different. Those who are in the position of power are the ones doing the wrong thing. Most of the time making long speeches will do no good. It would be more effective to live the holiness that God is calling you to live. Go to mass every Sunday, more often if possible. Pray every day. These are the things that will be more effective in the long term than making speeches and getting into arguments. In general these are the rules that I think you should follow.
Love your parents, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. It is also one of the ten commandments to honor your parents. It doesn't say honor them only if they are doing what we think they should be doing.
Pray for them. They need your prayers now more than ever. If you truly love them you will pray for them.
Don't act like you are sitting in judgement over them. We don't agree with them when they do the wrong thing. There may be situations where you may be able to say, I think you are doing the wrong thing by living in sin." but if the only thing you can say is something confrontational then it will probably not be effective which is why I repeat that you really have to live the holiness that God is calling you to.
With respect to the other person they are sinning with, be polite to that person. Remember, you may be the only true representative of what it means to be a Catholic that that person may ever encounter. Who knows, in the future you could be the cause of that person's conversion.