I am going to share something with you because I can DIRECTLY relate to what you're saying.
When I was a young girl, a babysitter molested me, and a few members of my family as well on one of the FEW occasions my parents actually left the house. At the time this happened, he was not punished because he was underage at the time, but now, he is currently serving prison time in Washington State for DOING THE SAME THING, and now he's in his 40's. Serial pervert.
Anyway, I had a warped view of relationships when I was a young lady, too...
The reason I'm telling you this is because I don't want you to fall into the same trap I did.
I actually went looking for illicit relations, but ironically it was with the man that is now my husband. This crumbled our relationship in the beginning. I had just turned 18 when it happened, and it was completely my fault.
There was a young man that my parents could not stand (rightfully so,) that I'd known since I was around 14, and he attempted to take advantage of me 4 years before. Stupidly, when I destroyed my relationship with my then future husband, I felt completely worthless, and I gave myself over to this troublemaker for comfort.
Since I was 18, I could "do whatever I wanted" and I made the abhorrent, sinful decision to basically be a concubine to this man. Not long after, nature being as it is, I discovered a week before my high school graduation that I was pregnant.
Needless to say, he didn't want anything to do with it, and he was upset (duh, what did he think was going to happen?). I started calculating my options.
I didn't want him to grow up without a father. I knew he wasn't going to have that if he stayed with me. With tremendous pressure from my extended family to keep him, which made my decision vastly more difficult than it had to be, I gave him up for adoption.
This was something I wouldn't ever had to go through if I had stuck to my morals, and quelled my rebellious inclinations.
Even after that happened, I struggled, thinking no one would want me, because I had done what I had done, and because of what had happened to me when I was a young girl.
Being the totally undeserving person I am, God miraculously sent me my husband, in the most unlikely way.
Right now, my son that I gave up is 15 now, and I pray so hard that someday he will come back to find me. I have been married 13 years, and it is only by the beautiful mercy of God that I was plucked from the clutches of my sin, and placed in the protective hands of my husband.
At the time he felt I was "too young" for him, when we were dating initially, but three years can change things. I was married at 21 to the one that I had so foolishly thrown myself at, and thank God it was someone who had the Faith.
I am glad you've come here to ask for help. Back then, I didn't have many friends because of my outspokenness, and was basically shunned, and starved for attention.
This caused me to leap at any attention I would receive from the opposite sex most especially.
Despite what you think, IF YOU WANT A DECENT MAN, THEY DO NOT WANT SEX FROM YOU, AND WILL RESPECT YOU IF YOU DO NOT!
I am going to link a thread. Tell your boyfriend that you need to take a week break, and read this book, pleasepleaseplease believe me and get a copy of it. http://www.cathinfo.com/catholic.php/Modern-women-want-to-have-their-cake-AND-eat-it-too