Author Topic: Happy Hour at Home (Read 4222 times)

Last Tradhican · « **on:** June 20, 2016, 08:42:27 AM »

Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #1 on:** June 20, 2016, 10:23:07 AM »

I down thumb to a question?

Ladislaus · « **Reply #2 on:** June 20, 2016, 10:50:40 AM »

Quote from: Last Tradhican

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

Hmmm. I can usually take care of a beer in about 45 seconds.

Matthew · « **Reply #3 on:** June 20, 2016, 10:57:00 AM »

Quote from: Last Tradhican

Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

1. The way your post is written, I assume you are married and your husband is doing this.

2. Men and women aren't equal, and their roles aren't equal. If your husband is doing manual labor from 9-5, you can't expect him to jump into a bunch of domestic chores from 5 until he collapses at (an early) bedtime.

Your work, your role at home is much lower grade labor. Yes, women work too, I know that. But your work is DIFFERENT.

Some men: 8 hours exhausting labor, with several hours recovery time (during which time he is basically useless for more real work)
Women: 15 hours lower grade work, indoors in the heat (winter) or A/C (summer), but your "work is never done" and you get few if any true "breaks". Oh, and if you homeschool you can harness the abilities of your children to do a LOT of that work.

And frankly, the modern world has made your "role" much easier than it was in the past -- washing/drying laundry, washing dishes, cooking food, even vacuuming the floor have become trivial tasks now with all the machines we have. But if your husband is working a hard physical labor job, then he is living in the 1920's as it were, or at least in a field which the modern world hasn't made "easy" yet.

This all needs to be taken into account.

I would consult A) an older, devout, traditional Catholic couple and B) a Traditional priest about the specifics of your situation.

P.S. "2 or 3 drinks" doesn't make him evil, unless you're a Muslim, Baptist or other protestant heretic who believes that alcohol is a sin. But you sure make it sound like you're "telling on him" or complaining about something bad he's doing.

Ladislaus · « **Reply #4 on:** June 20, 2016, 10:57:09 AM »

Quote from: Last Tradhican

Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

I don't think that there's an absolute answer here. It all depends on the circuмstances. So, for instance, sometimes in the Winter there isn't much to do outside or around the house. So it depends on what duties you need to get done. Some of the older kids don't mind being alone (in fact prefer it). So it depends on the age of the children. Are the children in school all day and the mother still stays home? Do the children help with the chores so that there isn't much to be done? Recreation isn't forbidden. So I don't think that it's unreasonable to take an hour or so of downtime in the evening after you get home from work. Now, if the wife has been running ragged all day and there's still work to be done, and you want to sit there and do nothing while she continues working, then that's an issue with charity. Or if the children have certain needs that must be met or certain wants that charity would commend, that too would be another story. But what if I have a bunch of older children who don't particularly want to be around their parents 24/7 and want some alone time, children who were at school all day while the wife could relax, children who have assigned chores so that not much needs to get done?

So, as I said, it all depends on the the circuмstances; there are few absolutes here.

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #5 on:** June 20, 2016, 11:03:51 AM »

Quote from: Ladislaus

Quote from: Last Tradhican
I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

Hmmm. I can usually take care of a beer in about 45 seconds.

Drinking the beer takes no time, it is the effect that takes time. It is like eating a candy bar, I feel great for a 1/2 hour, then it dumps me and leaves me drained. Empty calories.

I stopped drinking when I was like 29, in order to be able to compete with the younger men. I see now my old friends dead or on the way, or just couch potatoes.

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #6 on:** June 20, 2016, 11:18:51 AM »

Quote from: Ladislaus

Quote from: Last Tradhican
Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

I don't think that there's an absolute answer here. It all depends on the circuмstances. So, for instance, sometimes in the Winter there isn't much to do outside or around the house. So it depends on what duties you need to get done. Some of the older kids don't mind being alone (in fact prefer it). So it depends on the age of the children. Are the children in school all day and the mother still stays home? Do the children help with the chores so that there isn't much to be done? Recreation isn't forbidden. So I don't think that it's unreasonable to take an hour or so of downtime in the evening after you get home from work. Now, if the wife has been running ragged all day and there's still work to be done, and you want to sit there and do nothing while she continues working, then that's an issue with charity. Or if the children have certain needs that must be met or certain wants that charity would commend, that too would be another story. But what if I have a bunch of older children who don't particularly want to be around their parents 24/7 and want some alone time, children who were at school all day while the wife could relax, children who have assigned chores so that not much needs to get done?

So, as I said, it all depends on the the circuмstances; there are few absolutes here.

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #7 on:** June 20, 2016, 11:24:05 AM »

Quote from: Ladislaus

Quote from: Last Tradhican
Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

I don't think that there's an absolute answer here. It all depends on the circuмstances. So, for instance, sometimes in the Winter there isn't much to do outside or around the house. So it depends on what duties you need to get done. Some of the older kids don't mind being alone (in fact prefer it). So it depends on the age of the children. Are the children in school all day and the mother still stays home? Do the children help with the chores so that there isn't much to be done? Recreation isn't forbidden. So I don't think that it's unreasonable to take an hour or so of downtime in the evening after you get home from work. Now, if the wife has been running ragged all day and there's still work to be done, and you want to sit there and do nothing while she continues working, then that's an issue with charity. Or if the children have certain needs that must be met or certain wants that charity would commend, that too would be another story. But what if I have a bunch of older children who don't particularly want to be around their parents 24/7 and want some alone time, children who were at school all day while the wife could relax, children who have assigned chores so that not much needs to get done?

So, as I said, it all depends on the the circuмstances; there are few absolutes here.

I described a very specific person, they are drinking 2 or 3 drinks every night "then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf" ( useless outdoors and indoors). Do you think it can be justified? While he is doing that, an immigrant from from India is going to night school while working 2 jobs, and in 10 years is worth millions, while the father of 10 is complaining about the lack of income opportunities.

Pax Vobis · « **Reply #8 on:** June 20, 2016, 03:46:58 PM »

Work, work, work is the mantra of Calvin. Excessive. Nothing wrong with a beer to wind down. But if it turns into laziness, then it's the opposite of Calvinism - idleness. Recreation and mental breaks are absolutely necessary for sanity! Even Christ didn't preach or work miracles non-stop. He conversed with the Apostles, had dinner, walked from town to town, and fished with them on boats.

Matto · « **Reply #9 on:** June 20, 2016, 03:55:18 PM »

If a man goes to work every day and works hard I have no problem with him relaxing and drinking a few beers when he gets home. He deserves it. I see how it would be different if he did not work and did nothing but drink and relax.

St Ignatius · « **Reply #10 on:** June 20, 2016, 05:50:40 PM »

Hmmm... when "this dead beat husband" comes home after 10-14 hrs working in 100 degree plus temperatures, my wife brings me my beers! :cheers:

Nick · « **Reply #11 on:** June 20, 2016, 06:54:54 PM »

http://beta.diylol.com/posts/363090-i-dont-always-tell-my-girls-what-to-do-but-when-i-do-its-to-make-me-a-sandwich

:tv-disturbed:

jen51 · « **Reply #12 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:05:23 PM »

OP, I understand what you are saying. And I doubt that you are saying that a hard working man doesn't deserve a few beers. There certainly are some cases where it would be completely wrong for the husband to come home, plop down on the couch and drink beer all evening. It sounds like it could be the case in the example you are talking about.

My husband works about 16 hours a day, hard manual work. Thank goodness he fits it all in Monday through Friday and has a break on the weekend. He has the heart of a servant if there ever was one. The minute he walks through the door he gives me a kiss, asks how my day has been and reaches for his little girl. Instead of thinking of his much deserved break, he immediately sets in to the mindset of "how can I help." He works incredibly hard all day but would bend over backwards to relieve me of the smallest burden that I may have. To top it all off he tells me every day that he is the luckiest man in the world. We are hard up for money, but he makes ends meet every month. He doesn't lament it, he actually thanks God for it. He prays to St. Joseph every day, and he always reminds us that we must always remember that our home is "Our own little Nazareth". In return he has a wife that utterly adores him, who keeps his favorite beer in the fridge and deals it out eagerly, and meets him as he comes in with an ice cold water, tells him to sit down, and waits on him hand and foot and prods him with jokes and smiles until he's able to cast off his cares. When both give each other 100% there is happiness and contentedness even amidst the many trials of married life. Both have to be very serious about their duties, and willing to serve the other.
I'll say a prayer for the family you are referring to, that things would get balanced out and things would go better for them!

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #13 on:** June 21, 2016, 09:56:58 AM »

Thanks Jen51, that was spot on.

I doubt that a man who does hard physical labor can come home and have 2 or 3 drinks for very long without dying young. Physical work cleans the body up, it removes stress, excessive drinking and physical work in the heat, do not work together, something has got to give, and usually the man stops the excessive drinking.

The examples I am thinking are office workers who do nothing physical during the day, then go home and have 2-3 drinks to "wind down". From my experience, there are two ways to deal with office stress, get physical when you get home (outdoor work or exercise) or have 3 or more drinks, vegetate and go to sleep.

The drinking solution here is deadly. That is the type on father I an talking about.

Last Tradhican · « **Reply #14 on:** June 21, 2016, 10:14:24 AM »

My answers in red

Quote from: Matthew

Quote from: Last Tradhican
Please explain to me how a father of three or more children can come home a have a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf, and call himself useful around the house. If mothers did the same thing the children would be alone.

I can't even have a beer without feeling like I wasted time I could have spent doing something productive with/for the family.

1. The way your post is written, I assume you are married and your husband is doing this. (Wrong, I am a man, a father of many children)

2. Men and women aren't equal, and their roles aren't equal. If your husband is doing manual labor from 9-5, you can't expect him to jump into a bunch of domestic chores from 5 until he collapses at (an early) bedtime. (Men should not do domestic chores, they should do the man work around the house, fix things: house, cars, tractors, yard/farm work, cut down trees, make additions to the house....)

Your work, your role at home is much lower grade labor. Yes, women work too, I know that. But your work is DIFFERENT. (my wife home schools all our children, I don't consider that lower grade. I could not do it.)

I would consult A) an older, devout, traditional Catholic couple and B) a Traditional priest about the specifics of your situation. (I am an older devout Catholic, and my priest has no common sense. This has nothing to do with Church doctrine.)

P.S. "2 or 3 drinks" doesn't make him evil, unless you're a Muslim, Baptist or other protestant heretic who believes that alcohol is a sin. But you sure make it sound like you're "telling on him" or complaining about something bad he's doing.(The person I described in great detail "having a happy hour, 2 or 3 drinks, then plop down on the couch or vegetate on the computer or watch the news, channel surf", IS useless around the house, indoor and outdoor and everything in between. He is not doing his duty. This is plain wrong. Why do some people feel compelled to think of extremes, "baptists" and muslims" every time someone mentions drinking? I think it is because they have a horse in the race. I have no horse in any race.