Author Topic: Giving or going to a baby shower for an unwed mother (Read 5212 times)

Raoul76 · « **Reply #10 on:** August 02, 2011, 11:55:10 PM »

For the record, I never said it was sinful. I just said that I'd feel weird about it.

Is a baby shower essentially supposed to be a way to give gifts to the mother? If that is the case, a gift can be given without attending the shower. The shower is just a formality. I'm sure there will be plenty of people there who have no problem with pre-marital sex or unwed mothers.

No, it isn't sinful, there is too much grey area involved for that, at least until the Church says something. Judging by the fact that you can apparently attend a Prot wedding as long as you hang out in the back and don't participate beyond that, you could certainly attend a baby shower which isn't a religious ceremony at all. You can't conclude from someone attending a baby shower of an unwed mother that they are supporting premarital sex

But just because it's not a sin doesn't mean it's the best action to take.

I think if this woman feels some guilt about her situation -- assuming she should -- you don't have to rub it in. But if she does feel guilt, the shower will have a very muted atmosphere anyway. You know more than we do how this woman / girl thinks and how her friends and family think. If you know beforehand it will be a joyous shower full of happy, chirping women who think this is all just great and that she's a free spirit living life the way she wants to, seeing no problem with it, yeah, then I'd stay away just so this woman knows her behavior is sinful and someone disapproves. Even if they think you're a curmudgeon and make fun of you.

I think this one comes down to opinion, but clearly it bothers you, Myrna, and I can see why. Let's not get sentimental about babies here, the baby is not going to remember any of this. This is about the mother, not the baby.

CathMomof7 · « **Reply #11 on:** August 03, 2011, 11:23:55 AM »

Quote from: MyrnaM

Is it a sin to give a shower, or go and bring gifts to un-wed mothers?

I do not know. Perhaps asking a priest would clarify the situation.

I am faced wit a similar situation. A co-worker of my husband co-habits with his "fiancee." She is expecting. There is a baby shower this weekend. He asked about attendance.

In my situation, these people are not Catholic nor remotely religious. I do not wish to associate with other women who are likely to be there. Nor do we support the lifestyle of the parents.

They are not ashamed of anything. They are proudly registered at several baby stores.

I am sending a large package of diapers and a book on ecological breastfeeding.

Elizabeth · « **Reply #12 on:** August 03, 2011, 11:46:52 AM »

Cathmom's situation seems much different than what I was thinking. That's one where you hold your nose and give a gift so that your husband's reputation at work stays OK.

But for an unwed mother in a difficult situation, it comes down to 'what you do to the least of them you do for Me', IMO. When I was young the very idea would have been unthinkable. Unwed moms disappeared and abortion was illegal.

I do understand the uneasiness about these types of cultural events. So many of them are tasteless celebrations of worldly immorality.

One day we'll have a thread about two guys having a baby shower at work--we Catholics are always treading on thin ice.

We all end up having to decide whether or not we can participate in certain events. Last summer there was an important event that I ended up not being able to attend- just could not do it. The fallout was really harsh.

We are all trying to be in the world but not of it.

TKGS · « **Reply #13 on:** August 03, 2011, 02:55:44 PM »

Quote from: Elizabeth

According to Emily Post the sole purpose of a baby shower is to give gifts for a baby. Only light refreshments are needed, and the only "party" aspect of it all are the sounds of delight when adorable little baby clothes are displayed.

Therefore, I think it's not sinful at all.

I've never been to a baby shower, but I have listened to a lot of women discuss baby showers and, frankly, Emily Post may be saying what a baby shower is supposed to be but she is far off the mark of what a great many baby showers actually are.

A baby shower given in a very subdued manner in the case described for this topic may very well be completely acceptable and definitely not sinful. I suppose much depends upon who gives the shower and who is invited to the shower. A baby shower given in the way that I have generally understood such parties to be would probably be unacceptable and give scandal (and, therefore, sinful).

The question seems to be concerning a very real and concrete case. Since it is not a hypothetical situation, I would definitely suggest seeking advice from a priest and would like to hear on this topic what his guidance is.

I agree with you, MyrnaM, it seems that all of the answers given have merit.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #14 on:** August 03, 2011, 04:23:27 PM »

The girls is 23 years old, my granddaughter who was raised traditional Catholic, however her mother was not a very good example to her. Not that this is an excuse, but the age we live in with sin all around us, it is very difficult for young adults to grow up without making mistakes.

My first reaction was that of Raoul and TKGS's, but thinking about it, I want this young girl to be a good example to her children, I want her to come back to the church, the faith she has drifted away from. So then I thought, I should take a softer approach or I will push her away.

Thinking about the different notes here, I think people tend to say what they will depending on their relationship with the person. If it is just someone in the office, or neighbor it is easy to take the harder approach, but when it is someone close to the family, someone you love, then maybe a softer approach would be chosen. What will the end result be from my actions and words, I asked myself.

I told her, that I hope everything turns out positive for her, but I was not happy about the circuмstances, I told her that. BTW the circuмstances are exactly the way she was conceived. My son married her mother when this girl was 2 years old, my son is not her biological father but the only father she has ever known. What happened to this child the first 2 years of her life, I do not know, but I do know it was difficult for her and fear she never bonded with her mother the way a baby should have.

Right now she seems shameless, ( which really bothers me ) and excited about the fact the she is getting a baby shower. A shower that because of distance I will not attend but I think what I will do is tell her that I will give her a gift after the baby is born. Due on Halloween of all things. She called me today, to brag she was having a girl, she just found out today. She wanted a boy, but it is what it is.

My guess is, if a ask a priest I will receive various answers depending on the priest I talk too, it is a subject that has no clear cut answer.