Is it a sin to give a shower, or go and bring gifts to un-wed mothers?

A baby shower is, after all, a party, isn't it?  At least every time I've heard women talk about them, they're talking as if it is a party, a celebration.  Of course, one may help the prospective woman and her baby without celebrating the situation in such a public setting.  There may be purely secular reasons for attending and bringing a token gift (just as there are purely secular reasons for attending a non-Catholic wedding).  

It seems to me as if attending a baby shower for an un-wed mother would be very similar to attending a house-warming party for an unmarried couple.  It seems that attending either kind of party seems to convey approval of the situation.  If I am wrong here, I will gladly accept correction.

I emphasize that the "love and supprt" that gladius proposes may be given outside a party.  The only factor I can think of (understanding, that my imagination is quite limited) is whether or not the girl is an un-wed mother due entirely to factors beyond her control (i.e., her husband died--in which case she is not really to be considered an un-wed mother though many in today's society might not see the difference--or she her pregnancy is due to a rape).  In either of these cases, a baby shower and gifts is absolutely appropriate and may even be an obligation for those whose means would allow for it.

We can certainly celebrate the fact that she did not have an abortion.  

She is going to need help.  I see no problem with offering it.

There's a difference between offering help and attending a baby shower, isn't there?

I'd have trouble going to a baby shower for an unwed mother, if I were a woman of course.  ( Do men go to these things? )  The atmosphere should be more muted, no matter what happened.  In the same way, women who aren't virgins shouldn't wear white on their wedding day.  This signifies a sense of remorse, in a mild way, and that is appropriate.

There is a sense of shame that should be attached to having children out of wedlock.  That shame is healthy, stigmas make people think twice about engaging in socially destructive behavior.  Eamon suggests that it may not be her fault, presumably suggesting that the husband might have died.  But if that were the case, I'm pretty sure this thread would never have come into existence.  When you say "unwed mother," you mean someone who fornicated outside of marriage and got pregnant.  

This is not a matter of ballons and flowers.  The people who try to take shame out of it are the ones who want to free up all kinds of evil behavior and make it seem normal.  In fact, it's kind of sick to me that she is having a baby shower at all.  I'm sure Oprah would tell her, "Go for it, girlfriend, this is your big day!"  Everyone in this society wants to have their cake and eat it too, it's revolting.  No sense of remorse or accountability.

Giving the mother monetary help, along with some advice about how she should be living her life, is fine.  But I wouldn't go to the shower.  It kind of makes me feel queasy to think of popping over to some unwed mother's house and kissing her on both cheeks and exchanging pleasantries and acting like everything is fantastic... I'd prefer to somberly hand her check along with some words of wisdom and advice about how to avoid such situations next time.  

Just my two cents, I'm not a priest.  

This is a strange thread because I find myself agreeing with all of you.  

For the record, I never said it was sinful.  I just said that I'd feel weird about it.  

Is a baby shower essentially supposed to be a way to give gifts to the mother?  If that is the case, a gift can be given without attending the shower.  The shower is just a formality.  I'm sure there will be plenty of people there who have no problem with pre-marital sex or unwed mothers.

No, it isn't sinful, there is too much grey area involved for that, at least until the Church says something.  Judging by the fact that you can apparently attend a Prot wedding as long as you hang out in the back and don't participate beyond that, you could certainly attend a baby shower which isn't a religious ceremony at all.  You can't conclude from someone attending a baby shower of an unwed mother that they are supporting premarital sex  But just because it's not a sin doesn't mean it's the best action to take.  

I think if this woman feels some guilt about her situation -- assuming she should -- you don't have to rub it in.  But if she does feel guilt, the shower will have a very muted atmosphere anyway.  You know more than we do how this woman / girl thinks and how her friends and family think.  If you know beforehand it will be a joyous shower full of happy, chirping women who think this is all just great and that she's a free spirit living life the way she wants to, seeing no problem with it, yeah, then I'd stay away just so this woman knows her behavior is sinful and someone disapproves.  Even if they think you're a curmudgeon and make fun of you.

I think this one comes down to opinion, but clearly it bothers you, Myrna, and I can see why.  Let's not get sentimental about babies here, the baby is not going to remember any of this.  This is about the mother, not the baby.  

Cathmom's situation seems much different than what I was thinking.  That's one where you hold your nose and give a gift so that your husband's reputation at work stays OK.  

But for an unwed mother in a difficult situation, it comes down to 'what you do to the least of them you do for Me', IMO.  When I was young the very idea would have been unthinkable.  Unwed moms disappeared and abortion was illegal.

I do understand the uneasiness about these types of cultural events.  So many of them are tasteless celebrations of worldly immorality.

One day we'll have a thread about two guys having a baby shower at work--we Catholics are always treading on thin ice.

We all end up having to decide whether or not we can participate in certain events.  Last summer there was an important event that I ended up not being able to attend- just could not do it.  The fallout was really harsh.

We are all trying to be in the world but not of it.  

The girls is 23 years old, my granddaughter who was raised traditional Catholic, however her mother was not a very good example to her.  Not that this is an excuse, but the age we live in with sin all around us, it is very difficult for young adults to grow up without making mistakes.  

My first reaction was that of Raoul and TKGS's, but thinking about it, I want this young girl to be a good example to her children, I want her to come back to the church, the faith she has drifted away from.  So then I thought, I should take a softer approach or I will push her away.  

Thinking about the different notes here, I think people tend to say what they will depending on their relationship with the person.  If it is just someone in the office, or neighbor it is easy to take the harder approach, but when it is someone close to the family, someone you love, then maybe a softer approach would be chosen.  What will the end result be from my actions and words, I asked myself.  

I told her, that I hope everything turns out positive for her, but I was not happy about the circuмstances, I told her that.   BTW the circuмstances are exactly the way she was conceived.  My son married her mother when this girl was 2 years old, my son is not her biological father but the only father she has ever known.  What happened to this child the first 2 years of her life, I do not know, but I do know it was difficult for her and fear she never bonded with her mother the way a baby should have.  

Right now she seems shameless, ( which really bothers me )   and excited about the fact the she is getting a baby shower.  A shower that because of distance I will not attend but I think what I will do is tell her that I will give her a gift after the baby is born.  Due on Halloween of all things.  She called me today, to brag she was having a girl, she just found out today.  She wanted a boy, but it is what it is.  

My guess is, if a ask a priest I will receive various answers depending on the priest I talk too, it is a subject that has no clear cut answer.