Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Catholic Living in the Modern World => Topic started by: Mitch93 on September 28, 2015, 07:38:27 PM
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Hi everyone,
This is my first post, so I apologize if I put this in the wrong section!
So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and have been [fornicating] for about 2 years. We are 22. I have always carried my Catholic faith with me, and taken it fairly seriously, but now am beginning to truly realize I need to stop having sex before marriage (I know, it has taken some time). I want to stop having sex with my girlfriend. I am simply not sure how to tell her I do not want to any longer.
We live together in community; there are six of us in a house going to university. We each have our own room/space. It could be a little awkward/different afterwards, but to be honest this is the least of my concerns.
I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt. I guess what I am asking is: How should I tell my girlfriend I think it is best if we stop being sɛҳuąƖly active?
Any advice is deeply appreciated, and if you cannot write, any prayers would be wonderful too.
Thank you for taking the time to read!
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In addition to stop having relations with your girlfriend you should move out of your apartment and live with men only, not in a mixed apartment. And then of course you should find a traditional priest and go to confession once you are ready.
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In addition to stop having relations with your girlfriend you should move out of your apartment and live with men only, not in a mixed apartment. And then of course you should find a traditional priest and go to confession once you are ready.
Spot on. Its not worth losing your soul for frivolous flings.
4 years is way too long to court someone. Marriage possible with this woman?
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The correct term is not the spin-phrase "sɛҳuąƖly active" (which just sounds so super duper healthy), but PROMISCUITY, which is a sin. Maybe the best way to deal with the situation is to tell her the good things:
You have been thinking about eternity.
You are concerned about your eternal address.
You are getting right with God.
You will no longer engage in sinful behavior.
You are sorry that you disrespected her in the past.
You are not turning over a new leaf, and out of respect for her, sinful behavior will have to end.
You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.
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You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.
Don't waste the priest's time !
1. Move out of your present living arrangement
2. Date her chastely as if you were just starting to date.
3. Discover if she will be a devout catholic
4. Decide if she is wife/mother material
5. Decide if you want to marry her
6. Then see the priest.
All of the above should take no longer than a month as you already have years of experience with her.
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I agree with Cera.
I'm not going to allow CathInfo to participate in the destruction of morals through the use of language. I'll be changing the title of this thread at least.
"sɛҳuąƖly active" sounds so wholesome, so healthy. When in fact it is fornication he is referring to.
Fornication sounds so much more...smite-worthy, don't you think? "Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed fornication, and there fell in one day three and twenty thousand." (1 Cor. 10:8)
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I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt.
That should be the least of your concerns. You just tell her you're done because you've come to the realization that it's wrong vis-à-vis your Catholic faith. If she won't accept that, then tell her to have a nice life. If she's amenable, then you can try persuading her that she was along wrong in committing that sin, in an attempt to undo the damage you did by having her cooperate in your own sin.
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Fornication sounds so much more...smite-worthy, don't you think?
:roll-laugh1:
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You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.
Don't waste the priest's time !
1. Move out of your present living arrangement
2. Date her chastely as if you were just starting to date.
3. Discover if she will be a devout catholic
4. Decide if she is wife/mother material
5. Decide if you want to marry her
6. Then see the priest.
All of the above should take no longer than a month as you already have years of experience with her.
You already know the answer to 2, 3, 4, & 5 if she reacts with hostility towards your decision to amend your ways. You just tell her straight out. Honestly, most women won't be that upset so long as it's not "about them". Either she'll think honestly and sincerely about what you're telling her or she'll just move along to fornicate with someone else. And isn't that what you're REALLY afraid of, rather than that she might be hurt?
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I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt.
That should be the least of your concerns. You just tell her you're done because you've come to the realization that it's wrong vis-à-vis your Catholic faith. If she won't accept that, then tell her to have a nice life. If she's amenable, then you can try persuading her that she was along wrong in committing that sin, in an attempt to undo the damage you did by having her cooperate in your own sin.
In fact, tell her how bad you feel about having done damage to her soul. She might even be moved by that. If not, simply ask her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
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The modern world is so exceedingly hedonistic and selfish.
Why don't people stop and consider that it's an injustice to her future husband -- who IS willing to make a lifelong commitment to love her and raise a family with her -- to use her in that way?
But such thoughts never enter the selfish minds of modern worldlings.
And it works in reverse too. If this young man DOESN'T think this woman is wife material, that means that his future wife is still out there, perhaps in a relationship exactly mirroring his own current relationship with his girlfriend (that is to say, fornication).
How does that make him feel? His future wife might be fornicating with some strange guy right now on a regular basis.
See? Even the natural law tells you it's wrong. This has nothing to do with your Catholic Faith, which has to do primarily with the supernatural. You need to get your NATURAL LAW sanity back first. Even many fundamentalist protestants know that sex before marriage is wrong.
It doesn't take supernatural grace to live according to the natural law. How many pagans around us manage to not steal, not kill anyone, not perjure themselves, obey the laws, etc.?
That won't get them into heaven, of course, but that's another story.
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St. Augustine was in the same situation. He was a Man, and moved first, got out of the situation. The Lady, became a nun. You see, you must move. Leave, go to GOd and have a NEW Soul. Cry for sadness and Cry for the Precious Blood to Save you!
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Thank you for correcting the terminology, Matthew, and to Cera for bringing it to our attention. Words have power.
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Don't get misled into a compromise after letting her know your desire to amend your life and do penance. Compromise is a way out of carrying your cross while remaining in sin, yet convincing yourself that you're doing something "good".
I heard a wise man say, and he's right, "There is no compromise in the spiritual life. You either do or you don't. There is no 'try'."
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You either do or you don't. There is no 'try'."
I like the Yoda quote here.
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You either do or you don't. There is no 'try'."
I like the Yoda quote here.
I never heard of Yoda. I quoted a man with a very different name who said it.
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I never heard of Yoda. I quoted a man with a very different name who said it.
Greetings!
We earthlings welcome you to our planet.
Yoda is a famous person, known even by those who haven't seen Star Wars.
But there were 3 very popular movies in the late 70's and early 80's called "Star Wars". You should have heard of them.
If you somehow missed, it, 3 prequels were released in the 2000's also called "Star Wars" with various titles.
How did you manage to keep that knowledge out of your brain for so long? You can't go to the grocery store without seeing Yoda. It has nothing to do with owning or not owning a TV. Some pop culture elements are SO pervasive, that everyone learns them. At least learns OF their existence.
I hope you realize, if you talk to anyone, even a group of devout nuns or seminarians, they are all going to think you're quoting Yoda. That's why you shouldn't go through life with blinders on, trying to preserve your ignorance at all costs, and then once you've succeeded, wear it proudly as a badge.
You'll have to forgive me; I'm in love with truth and knowledge; error and ignorance are my mortal enemies.
Ignorance is NOT the same thing as innocence. Our Lady knew all about the Birds and the Bees. She was as innocent as can be, but certainly not ignorant.
See, if you had opened your eyes a bit, you would have known that famous Yoda quote, and then you could make sure to tell people, "as the wise man ____ said, do or do not; there is no try." So people wouldn't assume you were quoting Yoda.
P.S. Whatever "wise man" you claim said it probably ripped off Yoda. What wise man did you have in mind?
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The hardest part isn't really making yourself stop, the hardest part is to stop trying to convince yourself that there's more to it than just deciding not to doing it.
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I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt.
That should be the least of your concerns. You just tell her you're done because you've come to the realization that it's wrong vis-à-vis your Catholic faith. If she won't accept that, then tell her to have a nice life. If she's amenable, then you can try persuading her that she was along wrong in committing that sin, in an attempt to undo the damage you did by having her cooperate in your own sin.
In fact, tell her how bad you feel about having done damage to her soul. She might even be moved by that. If not, simply ask her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
I don't agree with the bolded part. I would do this as tactfully as possible. It seems hypocritical to all of a sudden act self-righteously when you've been doing it yourself for so long.
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I never heard of Yoda. I quoted a man with a very different name who said it.
Greetings!
We earthlings welcome you to our planet.
Yoda is a famous person, known even by those who haven't seen Star Wars.
But there were 3 very popular movies in the late 70's and early 80's called "Star Wars". You should have heard of them.
If you somehow missed, it, 3 prequels were released in the 2000's also called "Star Wars" with various titles.
How did you manage to keep that knowledge out of your brain for so long? You can't go to the grocery store without seeing Yoda. It has nothing to do with owning or not owning a TV. Some pop culture elements are SO pervasive, that everyone learns them. At least learns OF their existence.
I hope you realize, if you talk to anyone, even a group of devout nuns or seminarians, they are all going to think you're quoting Yoda. That's why you shouldn't go through life with blinders on, trying to preserve your ignorance at all costs, and then once you've succeeded, wear it proudly as a badge.
You'll have to forgive me; I'm in love with truth and knowledge; error and ignorance are my mortal enemies.
Ignorance is NOT the same thing as innocence. Our Lady knew all about the Birds and the Bees. She was as innocent as can be, but certainly not ignorant.
See, if you had opened your eyes a bit, you would have known that famous Yoda quote, and then you could make sure to tell people, "as the wise man ____ said, do or do not; there is no try." So people wouldn't assume you were quoting Yoda.
P.S. Whatever "wise man" you claim said it probably ripped off Yoda. What wise man did you have in mind?
I've never seen Star Wars, but I did know about that character "Yoda", yet, I didn't realize that character made that quote. I thought Ladislaus was saying some "famous" person named "Yoda" in real life made the quote.
All I did was quote somebody (a FB friend) with whom I agreed in a Catholic spiritual context, and tried to help the OP apply it to his predicament. If you think about it, that saying and mentality (at least theoretical), aren't uncommon (wise can still be common), and I'm sure it predates Star Wars in various, slightly different wording.