Author Topic: Fornicating with Girlfriend, but want to stop (Read 3579 times)

Mitch93 · « **on:** September 28, 2015, 07:38:27 PM »

Hi everyone,

This is my first post, so I apologize if I put this in the wrong section!

So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and have been [fornicating] for about 2 years. We are 22. I have always carried my Catholic faith with me, and taken it fairly seriously, but now am beginning to truly realize I need to stop having sex before marriage (I know, it has taken some time). I want to stop having sex with my girlfriend. I am simply not sure how to tell her I do not want to any longer.

We live together in community; there are six of us in a house going to university. We each have our own room/space. It could be a little awkward/different afterwards, but to be honest this is the least of my concerns.

I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt. I guess what I am asking is: How should I tell my girlfriend I think it is best if we stop being sɛҳuąƖly active?

Any advice is deeply appreciated, and if you cannot write, any prayers would be wonderful too.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Matto · « **Reply #1 on:** September 28, 2015, 07:58:16 PM »

In addition to stop having relations with your girlfriend you should move out of your apartment and live with men only, not in a mixed apartment. And then of course you should find a traditional priest and go to confession once you are ready.

Ursus · « **Reply #2 on:** September 28, 2015, 09:05:53 PM »

Quote from: Matto

In addition to stop having relations with your girlfriend you should move out of your apartment and live with men only, not in a mixed apartment. And then of course you should find a traditional priest and go to confession once you are ready.

Spot on. Its not worth losing your soul for frivolous flings.

4 years is way too long to court someone. Marriage possible with this woman?

Cera · « **Reply #3 on:** October 05, 2015, 03:31:36 PM »

The correct term is not the spin-phrase "sɛҳuąƖly active" (which just sounds so super duper healthy), but PROMISCUITY, which is a sin. Maybe the best way to deal with the situation is to tell her the good things:
You have been thinking about eternity.
You are concerned about your eternal address.
You are getting right with God.
You will no longer engage in sinful behavior.
You are sorry that you disrespected her in the past.
You are not turning over a new leaf, and out of respect for her, sinful behavior will have to end.
You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.

Miseremini · « **Reply #4 on:** October 05, 2015, 05:06:31 PM »

Quote from: Cera

You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.

Don't waste the priest's time !

1. Move out of your present living arrangement
2. Date her chastely as if you were just starting to date.
3. Discover if she will be a devout catholic
4. Decide if she is wife/mother material
5. Decide if you want to marry her
6. Then see the priest.

All of the above should take no longer than a month as you already have years of experience with her.

Matthew · « **Reply #5 on:** October 05, 2015, 05:15:46 PM »

I agree with Cera.

I'm not going to allow CathInfo to participate in the destruction of morals through the use of language. I'll be changing the title of this thread at least.

"sɛҳuąƖly active" sounds so wholesome, so healthy. When in fact it is fornication he is referring to.

Fornication sounds so much more...smite-worthy, don't you think? "Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed fornication, and there fell in one day three and twenty thousand." (1 Cor. 10:8)

Ladislaus · « **Reply #6 on:** October 05, 2015, 06:59:37 PM »

Quote from: Mitch93

I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt.

That should be the least of your concerns. You just tell her you're done because you've come to the realization that it's wrong vis-à-vis your Catholic faith. If she won't accept that, then tell her to have a nice life. If she's amenable, then you can try persuading her that she was along wrong in committing that sin, in an attempt to undo the damage you did by having her cooperate in your own sin.

Ladislaus · « **Reply #7 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:00:50 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

Fornication sounds so much more...smite-worthy, don't you think?

:roll-laugh1:

Ladislaus · « **Reply #8 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:06:39 PM »

Quote from: Miseremini

Quote from: Cera

You want her to go with you to meet with a priest to discuss your life changes and whether Marriage is in your future.

Don't waste the priest's time !

1. Move out of your present living arrangement
2. Date her chastely as if you were just starting to date.
3. Discover if she will be a devout catholic
4. Decide if she is wife/mother material
5. Decide if you want to marry her
6. Then see the priest.

All of the above should take no longer than a month as you already have years of experience with her.

You already know the answer to 2, 3, 4, & 5 if she reacts with hostility towards your decision to amend your ways. You just tell her straight out. Honestly, most women won't be that upset so long as it's not "about them". Either she'll think honestly and sincerely about what you're telling her or she'll just move along to fornicate with someone else. And isn't that what you're REALLY afraid of, rather than that she might be hurt?

Ladislaus · « **Reply #9 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:08:00 PM »

Quote from: Ladislaus

Quote from: Mitch93
I want to tell her as soon as possible, but am nervous she will take it personally and be hurt.

That should be the least of your concerns. You just tell her you're done because you've come to the realization that it's wrong vis-à-vis your Catholic faith. If she won't accept that, then tell her to have a nice life. If she's amenable, then you can try persuading her that she was along wrong in committing that sin, in an attempt to undo the damage you did by having her cooperate in your own sin.

In fact, tell her how bad you feel about having done damage to her soul. She might even be moved by that. If not, simply ask her not to let the door hit her on the way out.

Matthew · « **Reply #10 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:10:14 PM »

The modern world is so exceedingly hedonistic and selfish.

Why don't people stop and consider that it's an injustice to her future husband -- who IS willing to make a lifelong commitment to love her and raise a family with her -- to use her in that way?

But such thoughts never enter the selfish minds of modern worldlings.

And it works in reverse too. If this young man DOESN'T think this woman is wife material, that means that his future wife is still out there, perhaps in a relationship exactly mirroring his own current relationship with his girlfriend (that is to say, fornication).

How does that make him feel? His future wife might be fornicating with some strange guy right now on a regular basis.

See? Even the natural law tells you it's wrong. This has nothing to do with your Catholic Faith, which has to do primarily with the supernatural. You need to get your NATURAL LAW sanity back first. Even many fundamentalist protestants know that sex before marriage is wrong.

It doesn't take supernatural grace to live according to the natural law. How many pagans around us manage to not steal, not kill anyone, not perjure themselves, obey the laws, etc.?

That won't get them into heaven, of course, but that's another story.

songbird · « **Reply #11 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:52:36 PM »

St. Augustine was in the same situation. He was a Man, and moved first, got out of the situation. The Lady, became a nun. You see, you must move. Leave, go to GOd and have a NEW Soul. Cry for sadness and Cry for the Precious Blood to Save you!

Nadir · « **Reply #12 on:** October 06, 2015, 04:44:12 AM »

Thank you for correcting the terminology, Matthew, and to Cera for bringing it to our attention. Words have power.

Croix de Fer · « **Reply #13 on:** October 06, 2015, 08:50:32 AM »

Don't get misled into a compromise after letting her know your desire to amend your life and do penance. Compromise is a way out of carrying your cross while remaining in sin, yet convincing yourself that you're doing something "good".

I heard a wise man say, and he's right, "There is no compromise in the spiritual life. You either do or you don't. There is no 'try'."

Ladislaus · « **Reply #14 on:** October 06, 2015, 09:28:10 AM »

Quote from: ascent

You either do or you don't. There is no 'try'."

I like the Yoda quote here.