[MrsZ]

Thank you all who posted on my thread about my daughter.  So many of you offered very good advice and helped me to think this through.  I was frazzled.  I was too emotional.  I talked too much.  I have lost credibility with my daughter.  

This is about me and my choices and my lack of faith.  I have not been a good role model for my daughter.  I can't spend any more time in regret, but I see that I have to move forward and do what is right...right now.

I don't want to single any posters out, most of you gave me a lot to think about, several of you really hit the nail on the head.  I'm very grateful that you took the time to respond to my post.  

I plan on getting my life back in order.  I hope I can help my daughter...I will not give in, but I do think that  it's my spiritual crisis that lead to this situation.  I'm the one in conflict about being a woman, about being a wife...and how I'm to live in this world as a Catholic.

God Bless..

[MrsZ]

Oh, and a couple more things to answer some questions that a few of you posted.  

We live in a very small town.  There is one Catholic Church, of the Novus Ordo variety.  The closest traditional parish is about 250 miles from here.  

I agree with the observation that our daughter has been feeling very confined and restricted here ... The community college is focused on firefighting, law enforcement and nursing.   (She's not interested in nursing). Another community college that has hundreds of courses, is an hour from here.

We raised our children with the idea that college was overpriced and unnecessary...but there isn't much in the way of vocational training unless you want only to focus on the subjects I mentioned.  And we don't have other homeschooling friends or families to associate with...or other activities for our daughter to be involved in.

There seems to be closed doors everywhere .. and these last few years since moving to a little bit larger town than the last one .. have been very isolating for both daughter and myself.  My H had a job layoff, a year of underemployment...and so the idea of the cost of driving out of this area, closed off to both of us.

My daughter did say later that joining the Marines was "just a thought" and that it was because of the fact that it was something she could do now that didn't cost any money...etc.  The thought that she found the structure and discipline attractive is right on the money...I think that too.

Oh and one more thing.  Our daughter joined an online forum of current and former Catholic homeschooling kids within the last year.  They all used the same curriculum.  Our kids used the curriculum for a year.  THIS is where our daughter has met 3 other GIRLS who each want to be in the military, to fly planes, to PAY FOR COLLEGE...etc.  

Our daughter thought Wyoming College sounded interesting ... it has this whole outdoor program (for some reason, I thought that was weird)....and she heard about it from one of her online friends...and it's $20,000 a year!  How are families, especially large families paying for this??? Or are they encouraging their children to saddle themselves with tons of debt for life?

I just don't get it.

So, I think we need to do what we can to help her even get to the school an hour from here ... she's also interested in cake decorating!  :rolleyes: So, really she's just very confused...and restless and wants to do something.   I understand this myself.

I'd held back from involving myself in our parish because the other mothers my age all sent their kids to public school, sports and they themselves work outside the home...we didn't have anything in common.

But since we can't move .. what choice do I have? I'm going to volunteer at the parish and I'm going to be happy...if it kills me!  :wink:  

"The joy of the Lord is my strength" Nehemiah 8:10

[Vladimir]

$20,000 a year for college is actually not that much by today's standards - though it may be too late, there are usually plenty of scholarships that colleges and outside sources offer. I know that Stanford, for example, doesn't even charge tuition if your family makes under $90,000.

Don't automatically assume that out-of-state colleges will cost more than California colleges - as a native Californian, when I was looking at college none of the state colleges were less expensive than the out-of-state colleges I was looking at  - for example, Texas public universities even have a deal that if you receive more than a $1,000 scholarship from the university then you pay in-state tuition.

College doesn't need to be feared the same way public schools need to be. Just be careful that your daughter doesn't get a totally useless degree.

Again, scholarships and financial aid are available - it isn't far-fetched that a $20,000 tuition will actually be $10,000 or even less.

[momofmany]

Vladimir is right. Pretty much no one pays 'sticker price' on college tuition. After scholarships (if your child is a good student), grants and work study the real cost comes way, way down often by 75% or more.
My niece attends WCC and is very happy and trust me, her parents aren't paying any $20,000/yr. She has grants and scholarships and gets up at 4AM every day to cook breakfast for all the atudents.

[wallflower]

I'm glad it sounds like there's more peace, things are not set in stone and there seems to be more room for discussion. Thank you for the update!

[gladius_veritatis]

I plan on getting my life back in order.  I hope I can help my daughter...I will not give in, but I do think that  it's my spiritual crisis that lead to this situation.  I'm the one in conflict about being a woman, about being a wife...and how I'm to live in this world as a Catholic.

Not knowing what sort of access you have to good spiritual advice, I will offer the following little nugget.  It is not my advice, but is found constantly among the Saints' writings and the writings of the spiritual masters.  If you already have access to a true, experienced spiritual guide or simply don't care what some guy on the net has to say about such deep, incomprehensibly-important matters, feel free to completely ignore me :)

The Saints teach that daily meditation/mental prayer is morally necessary if we are to save our soul.  This means that, barring a miracle of grace, we will not save our soul unless we habitually practice mental prayer -- a truly sobering thought.  If we do not know God and ourselves, we cannot even really begin to get down to the very hard work of eradicating our faults and growing in actual (versus merely-apparent) virtue.  Fidelity to a few external practices doesn't cut it; this is more true in our day than ever before because modern life is very distracting and our energy and focus are easily dissipated, bleeding us of all spiritual vigor before we even know what happened.

In a word, growth in the spiritual life is real, hard work that requires constant effort.  Even the best of us will still fall from time to time, however, and we must have an unwavering resolution to get up, dust ourselves off and begin again with renewed vigor. We can do all things with God, but we must be doggedly determined to become and remain recollected throughout each day or we will be easily overcome in the spiritual combat.

There are countless excellent books that can assist you in your labors and each of us is different with respect to what will appeal to us and help us most.  For what it is or is not worth, one of my absolute favorites is The Soul of the Apostolate.  Although the author was writing with priests in mind, the principles he lays out hold for every Christian.  The Imitation of Christ and The Spiritual Combat are other classic aids that have stood the test of time.  There are many more, but no one needs or can possibly make use of all of them.  May the Holy Ghost help you find and make good use of whatever tools He alone knows will help you the most.  He is the sanctifier of our soul; constantly beg Him to help you and you cannot fail.

Be assured of my prayers; please pray for me.  Godspeed, Ma'am.

[gladius_veritatis]

One thing I forgot to say before is this: I have had periods when I was more faithful to morning mental prayer and periods when I was less so.  It is difficult to adequately express how much such a practice helps us.  The mind is clearer, the will is stronger, we do whatever we do with a facility and fruitfulness that cannot otherwise be known and has to be experienced to be believed.  Even the greatest difficulties do not cause unnecessary worry and we are able to see the solutions to our problems in a way that can only flow from the grace and light of God.  There is absolutely no substitute for morning meditation.    

I'm going to volunteer at the parish and I'm going to be happy...if it kills me!

Not to change the topic of the thread, but are you here referring to the Novus Ordo parish?  Realizing that we are likely at different stages on our journey, I will simply encourage you to make an absolutely unwavering commitment to morning mental prayer, letting the Holy Ghost guide you with respect to the Novus Ordo Missae.  I am not you, of course, and you must act in accordance with your conscience as it is at the moment, but I never go the Novus Ordo Missae, even when that is the only thing available.  If you have any interest in knowing why, just ask me, whether publicly or in a PM, now or later.  If you don't really care, or just have bigger fish to fry, I understand completely and ask your pardon if it seems as if I am trying to talk you into crossing too many bridges at one time.

Again, be assured of my prayers.  I am sure others here are praying for you, too.

[Graham]

Yes, thank you for giving us the news. You sound calmer now.

Since your daughter is confused, here are some ideas for her you could sift through (some are probably not suited to her at all):

-organic gardening
-cooking classes
-herbalism
-basketmaking
-candle-making
-sewing
-knitting
-flower arrangement
-householding and accounting
-piano or other musical instrument
-painting
-foreign exchange (with a Catholic family)
-job as a live-in nanny (Catholic family)

Many of these could turn into money-making entreprises too.

[MrsZ]

We live 250+ miles from the nearest traditional latin mass parish.  I've been unhappy about the n.o. ever since I learned about Tradition about 10 years ago.  That fact hasn't changed my H's mind about staying where we are.  We can't move now even if H wanted to because we can't sell or lease out our house.

Thank you also for the information about WCC and the scholarships and grants.  I thought that it was unlikely our daughter would qualify for a significant scholarship (one that would make a difference anyway) because there's nothing about her grades or "high school career" that would cause her to stand out.  One of her online friends is planning on attending WCC in the fall, and also is planning on joining the Army reserves to help pay tuition.  ???

Thank you for the mention of The Imitation of Christ and the Spiritual Combat...I have, in fact, read both books off and on...though the last time was probably 5 years ago.  I was actually planning on reading IOC again and getting up early to do so.  

I have begun morning prayers this year ... and we have been praying the Rosary (not always the whole thing especially lately, however) as a family for the last 2 years..

[Sede Catholic]

Dear Mrs. Z,

The Family Rosary will really help.

It is so powerful.

(Obviously, do not do the "luminous mysteries", the "mysteries of light").

The Rosary has always been very powerful.

Sister Lucy of Fatima said:

In these latter times in which we live, the Most Holy Virgin has given a new efficacy to the recitation of the Rosary. She has given this efficacy to such an extent that there is no problem, no matter how difficult it is, whether temporal or above all spiritual, in the personal life of each one of us, of our families, of the families of the world or of the religious communities, or even of the life of peoples and nations, that cannot be solved by the Rosary. There is no problem I tell you, no matter how difficult it is, that we cannot resolve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary. With the Holy Rosary we will save ourselves. We will sanctify ourselves. We will console Our Lord and obtain the salvation of many souls.

Pope Pius XI said:

If you desire peace in your hearts, in your homes, and in your country, assemble each evening to recite the Rosary. Let not even one day pass without saying it, no matter how burdened you may be with many cares and labors.

Father Peyton used to quote this slogan:

The family that prays together, stays together.

[MrsZ]

Thank you for the quotes about the recitation of the Rosary.  I've been  concerned because lately our 20 year old son hasn't been home very often in the evenings, and so he's not here to participate ... Also, in the last 2 weeks, we've really been backsliding in regard to saying the FULL Rosary every night.  I'm going to ask my H again if we can say it immediately after dinner instead of right before bedtime.

Also, many thanks for the list of ideas about possible things for our daughter to become involved in.  Our D does play the piano..but after we moved away from the other town, she didn't have a teacher anymore, and gradually stopped playing.  The one teacher we did find wanted $40 per lesson and that was too much for us.

But D agreed to take piano again at the local community college in the fall.  I don't know if the other ideas are courses at the college .. but we could look into it.