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Finding a spouse requires more retreats like SGG’s YAG, except they only allow strict Non Una cuм Sedevacantists to attend, so I couldn’t even honestly go to that.

I’m not married yet, but from what I’ve observed happy married couples are people who are content to be around each other. It’s not romantic like the movies paint it but there’s just an underlying content in the presence of the other. That’s what I have seen in my parents and now in my brother and his wife, both of whom have good marriages.

This post was inspired by the thread on broken men.

What do you really need to find a spouse?

They need to be solid in understanding the Catholic Faith or you need to be strong enough in your faith to convert someone.  I have seen both men and women do this successfully.

Attraction, which is more than how they look.  Do they meet you on an intellectual level?  How do they treat other people?  Remember there isn't one right answer.  What is attractive to you, might not be to others.  Do not let peer pressure dictate this.

Safety: Do they have a calming effect on you?  Do they make you feel safe?  I think this is very important for both men and women.  Many marriages fall apart because the spouses lose their feeling of safety.  She sees her husband be too stern with the children (if you say you never see this happen, please don't add to this thread, you don't have enough experience.) or expect perfection. He sees her choose the children over him all the time and he has no soft place to lay his head or warm, comforting place to come home to.

Please add or correct anything i have said.  I have based this off my 28 year marriage.  We had ups.  We had downs.  If you want more context DM me.

That’s really interesting to read, especially with your experience of 28 years married. I have been married 16 years.


I like this: ‘She sees her husband be too stern with the children (if you say you never see this happen, please don't add to this thread, you don't have enough experience.) or expect perfection. He sees her choose the children over him all the time and he has no soft place to lay his head or warm, comforting place to come home to.’

That’s a difficult balance I find, giving the children my time and attention but making sure not to be choosing them all the time and neglecting my husband!

I think COMMUNICATION should be mentioned and put in capitals as it’s important to be able to discuss everything with your spouse. Not everyone is going to respond to the same communication style so marry someone who you can talk to easily about anything and can work out any misunderstandings together. What do you think?

That’s a difficult balance I find, giving the children my time and attention but making sure not to be choosing them all the time and neglecting my husband!

Modern wives have gotten the notion that children come first in a marriage and have developed this notion that children require great amounts of your time.  Not sol  That can actually be a detriment that doesn't present itself until it's too late.

A marriage is you and your spouse.....'til death.  You have your children under your control (at least you'd better) for little more than a dozen years then under your influence for a handful more.
Your first obligation is to your spouse.  It takes a good marriage to raise good children so your energy should focus on your marriage. (and yes you'll read this in old Catholic marriage manuals)

The most important thing you can teach your children is self control because without that they'll learn nothing and accomplish less.

Husband and wife are different, their responsibilities are different their likes and dislikes are often different but hopefully all these differences will compliment one another and keep each other interested.  You'd better have some shared interest when the nest is empty.  God put you together for a reason.
Communication during the very early part of the marriage is absolutely essential.  Get your roles straight and then you will truly be a team in work but truly one.  Have you ever seen an old couple that never seem to talk but merely look at each other and the other knows exactly what is being communicated?  That's team work and that's being one.

And that's just my two cents worth after almost 65 years of marriage.