If there were an easily identifiable lay Catholic mode of dress for both male and female, it would be much easier to wear the specific clothes and practice the Faith in public. In addition, if Catholics lived in true community, they saw Catholics other than their immediate families every day, their entire families, or almost, were also practicing Catholics, there were Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, neighbors for spiritual, moral, and practical support around them, it would be more likely the young people would remain Catholics. If Catholics seeking to marry and have a family had a number of eligible candidates from whom to find a spouse, if families arranged for events where unrelated young adults could meet in a casual, friendly context, there’d be less reason to look in the outside world and hope the other will convert. It’s not necessarily arranged marriage, but arranged opportunity. If those young adults wear the same sorts of clothes, have the same sort of worldview, know the same prayers, can share the same faith, they’d not only be more likely to remain Catholic, but to grow strong Catholic backbones!
It’s not only Muslims who do this. Think of the Amish, Polygamous Mormons, Hindus, Sikhs, Ultra Orthodox/Hasidic Jews, and in certain areas of the Southern US, Holiness Pentecostals. Nobody is shocked or taken aback upon seeing a member of one of these wearing different clothes and acting differently from the mass of secular, religionless people of the world. In fact, people of most other religions are proud (in the positive sense) of being a member of this or that religion. They don’t try to hide or are embarrassed in public, even when young and on their own.
(I’m speaking of public detachment from the world and attachment to a specific religious worldview and practice by mode of dress. I’m not discussing those who dress religious on holy days or who take vacations out into the secular world. Every group of people has their less than devout or those who dress the part only for personal gain or acceptance.)
Let’s face it that there is no specifically Catholic, universally recognized mode of dress for ordinary lay people. There are prayers to be said at certain times, but these have largely been relegated to vowed religious. If I’m on the subway and note a man in a black suit with longish jacket, a long, scraggly full beard, a black felt hat, with corkscrewed curls hanging at either side of his face from beneath his hat, I instantly recognize him as an Orthodox or probably Hasidic Jew. If he proceeds to go into a corner, take out a prayer book, and rocks back and forth while mumbling softly in Hebrew, it comes as no surprise—at least not in New York City. He shows no awkwardness or embarrassment at dressing as he does or at reciting his prayers, solo, on a crowded subway. If I see a group of Hindus sitting on mats on the ground at lunchtime in Central Park, all meditating, I’m not taken aback. If one of their number arrives late, he shows no social humiliation at how he is dressed or that he’s carrying his mat as he takes a seat near his fellows and gets into lotus position. I would not be surprised to see him do this on his own, and not join a group, either. He’d show no embarrassment.
It’s different with Catholics. I’ve experienced this personally on many occasions. Imagine a conservatively dressed lady with four children, wearing casual but modest clothes, a 16 y.o. girl, 14 y.o. boy, 9 y.o. boy, and 4 y.o. girl walk into a local pizza restaurant and take a table. They inspect the menu, decide what they want, etc. The waitress comes over, takes their orders which are delivered. The 14 y.o. boy immediately drinks a gulp of his Coke and grabs a few fries. His mother quietly but swiftly reminds him to wait. Mom makes sure everyone is paying attention as she makes the sign if the Cross, speaking at normal volume. She realizes others are staring at her, and if she’s honest, she prefers they wouldn’t, not because she’s embarrassed to be Catholic, but because she’s female and more socially attuned to other’s behaviors. Her husband is at work. The 4 y.o. follows along with Mom, still innocent, more concerned about pleasing Mom and Our Lord and not very much aware of the reactions of total strangers. The 9 y.o. boy wants to eat so hasn’t any feeling, one way or the other about praying in a restaurant, although by now, he knows his family is an exception, that most families don’t say grace or pray together. The two teens, however, are embarrassed. Why can’t they just bow their heads and pray silently, and skip the sign of the Cross? Being religious in public isn’t the cool thing to do. They cross themselves hastily with their heads down, hoping nobody notices, mumble their prayers almost inaudibly, and don’t really complete crossing themselves, but reach out for their beverage, utensils, or their pizza slice. The 16 y.o. girl tries to sit so that her denim skirt will be mistaken for jeans. Her mother is wearing a skirt, and that’s embarrassing because nobody else’s mother of her classmates wears dresses or skirts except maybe to go to their Protestant church or to eat out at a fancy restaurant, and at the latter, they dress a bit sexy, not like they’re going to be in a play about Little House on the Prairie. The 14 y.o. boy is asked to lead the prayer after the meal. His mother wants him to stand up, but he ignores the request and “leads” the same way he prayed before the meal, only faster. His face is red and his older sister barely participates at all. Once in the van, Mom announces they’ll start the Rosary on the way home as Dad is working late tonight. Before starting the ignition, she hesitates, but decides she must speak her mind. Her two oldest did not pray well in the restaurant. They set a bad example for their younger siblings and for anyone who happened to hear or see them. Are they ashamed of being Catholic? Because that’s the message given by their behavior. She intends to tell their father and hopes they’ll go to Confession on Saturday. In most other religions, the men take the lead as does most of the natural world. (Yes, there are exceptions, for example, elephants are lead by a matriarch while the males go solo until mating season. Female spiders call the shots. In many species, if the male isn’t fast enough in getting away, he becomes dinner.). The exception serves to prove the rule, not change it. Why, then, do we see so many Catholic men fail being the spiritual leaders of the family? Despite the full support of their wives, they soon leave off religion in their personal lives, leaving the wife to do the job, for which she is ill-suited. So long as the children are home, they obey Mom, but no sooner do they leave, they walk away as if the 18 or 21 years never happened. True, a few go out for awhile, try the world, discover it isn’t so great after all, and return. That even happens in the best of families.
Why, though, do Catholics lack the basic social constructs needed for a truly Catholic life? In so many situations, the people at Sunday Mass even in Traditional chapels give evidence of social deterioration, leading to spiritual and moral disintegration, the loss of the faith. One sees women, sometimes with many children, but their father is seldom if ever seen. You see Mom with a few children, again, no father. Often, there is a father, but he’s home in bed or out playing sports, watching TV, online, or working when he wouldn’t have to. Or perhaps he’s divorced Mom and gone off to sow his wild oats. (Again, there are legitimate exceptions; we need emergency services, medical care, operators of utilities, of transportation, of certain types of retail on Sundays and holy days. He could have fallen ill or had an accident and is now homebound or confined to a nursing home.) But surely the majority of missing men at our chapels do not fall into the exceptions category. Could so many women have knowingly married men whom they knew to be irreligious? Catholic women and even non-Catholic women do not generally grow up with the thought, “When I grow up, I want to be a single Mom, responsible to raise all my children by myself with no help. I can’t wait to sign up for Medicaid and SNAP, work three minimum wage jobs and still struggle to make ends meet. I can’t wait to rarely see my children so Head Start and maybe my mother can raise them!” Women in this position most often arrive there by default, by not making a plan or not realizing the true consequences of their actions. I’m not speaking of these women, although if they convert, they not only save their own souls but significantly up their children’s chances of saving theirs!
On second thought, maybe it’s best for Catholics not to be identifiable by how they dress if their social and moral lives are in disarray. I know of holy priests who, when in public, get treated like trash and from whom people shield their children in fear. Why? They’re dressed like priests, clearly detached from the world, but in public perception, they’re detached in order to molest little boys and engage in sɛҳuąƖ perversion.
What’s the answer? Is it some sort of identifiably Catholic uniform clothing style? Someone brought up the topic of “blessed dresses” a few weeks ago. What about the men? Should a suit with tie be required?
It’d stand out if he works repairing tractor trailer engines, but if he’s the manager of a realty group in a city office, nobody will know his religion by looking at his clothes! Besides, since the Catholic Faith is the One True, Universal religion, are all people from all cultures around the world going to wear blessed dresses and suits and ties? In many parts of the world, the clothing is inappropriate to the climate, to the surrounding culture, and to different kinds of work. A suit and tie and blessed dress aren’t going to do if you live and work in Siberia! In some cultures, a blessed dress would be considered too revealing, scandalous, like going about in one’s underwear!
To be sure, Catholics should dress modestly and somewhat in accord with the clothing of their culture, if possible. (In some places, it is not possible, ie. If you start a Catholic community in the jungle of Papua New Guinea, Catholic women should not go topless, men should not wear hollowed out gourds attached in back with vines, and children run about in their birthday suits! Maybe wear loose, lightweight clothing with colors from nature and grasses or other natural fibers woven into them. Most people, when starting to attend traditional Mass, will slowly adopt the proper attire if at first they come in their novus ordo garb. Those from all but ultra liberal Protestant groups often have no need of a clothing change. In fact, I’ve been to Baptist churches that put Traditional Catholics to shame when it comes to clothing.
Of greater importance so far as being detached from the world are solid catechesis and strong faith, the latter of which only strengthens by much prayer and meditation, worthy reception of the Sacraments, and yes, the social support of other Catholics. In this time of crisis, the clothing is of minimal (I didn’t say “no”) importance. It is the other, weightier matters that are in short supply. From where, and from whom do Catholics receive solid catechesis? In times past, it appeared less important because the surrounding culture supported generally good morals. Go back a little less than a century and the vast majority of Americans followed the “basic 10,” or at least claimed to agree with them despite personal lapses in behavior. When my parents were in grammar and high school in the 1930’s, children who openly disrespected teachers, stole, lied, swore, or were irreverent were looked down upon by the majority. In high school, anyone who was “fast” or morally “loose” was socially shunned, girls in particular. If a young lady turned up pregnant, there were two choices. Send her away to an unwed mother’s home under some other pretense and give up the baby for adoption, or get married to the young man ASAP! Most people knew anyway, but it was considered improper to speak of it. If they married, both were done with school. The girl became a woman, a wife and mother, and the boy became a man, a father, a husband, and had a job. Options not considered were abortion (illegal, considered immoral by most) and raising the child as a single mother. Sometimes, if a willing party were found, the young lady went away to stay with another family or often an unmarried aunt in a far away state, had the baby, and had an arranged adoption. At that time, even the very poor dressed better than many well-off people today. If Catholics don’t know what to wear, look at some pictures from the Depression. (We’re entering another one at present, anyhow!). Don’t replicate the exact style, but take note of what’s covered when out in public both for everyday life and for dress up. Take note that even poor people managed to mend rips and tears, wash their hands and faces, and groom their hair. If a man’s pant's legs had torn open knees and other rips all over, his wife would find some way to at least improve them. Sew up the straight tears, darn across small holes, and sew matching patches over the knees. Whatever he did, he probably didn’t wear them “as is” to church! Nowadays, it’s considered stylish for women to wear skintight ripped up jeans, even to church! I’ve seen them coming out of the novus ordo. Find out what’s appropriate for Mass and dress that way.
The other aspects of the crisis are much harder to solve. How does one get solid catechesis if there’s no priest or Mass available on a regular basis? Many Catholics get Mass a few times per year and it’s all the priest can do to fly in, hear Confessions, say Mass, baptize two babies and a toddler, and fly out. Often there are maybe two dozen or fewer people in attendance, all of whom live great distances from one another.
In such cases it’s up to the parents to teach the children and prepare them for Sacraments. If the parents are not well catechized or new to the faith themselves, they need to teach themselves and learn along with the children. I’ve heard of one case where the parents were illiterate and the children had to read the catechism to the adults. Internet was not an option due to remote location.
Some of us simply need to educate ourselves. Get hold of the Baltimore Catechisms and start studying, add a little per day to spiritual reading and prayer. Set up a mini Seminary curriculum for yourself, or ask a priest to send you one. Also, consider getting hold of a homeschooling program for whatever your religious level. (Not your reading level!). Learn the religion, ignore the simple language! Parents need to prepare their children for reception of the sacraments. This includes knowing if and when your child is ready. Not every child is ready for Confession and Communion at age seven. They may be able to memorize the answers, but don’t understand the concepts. Other children are ready before age seven. The trend in the novus ordo is to wait until ages 15-18 for Confirmation. IMO, it’s far too late, especially for the world most of us, children included, have to live in and navigate through. Waiting until the late teens means the child has almost definitely fallen into some sort of mortal sin, often of a impure nature. Our Lady tells us most souls are lost to impurity. Why would one allow one’s child to have to fight the fiercest battle for six to eight years before giving him the necessary weapons and armor? Don’t wait for the chapel or priest to ask about the Sacraments. Parents, you need to be your children’s spiritual directors.
This is a time in which adults cannot find a priest to be their spiritual director. Sometimes adults can be spiritual directors or guides for one another, but many of us have to go directly to Heaven, a Saint, Our Lady, Our Lord Himself because there IS nobody available who can both do the job and who knows us well enough.
As for having Catholic social support, that’s a huge cross. Unlike in times past, families tended to stick together, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and geographically. There’s only so much that can be done over Zoom. A conversation, yes, but can the kids all sit on the living room floor and play together? No. Do they learn self-discipline, how to share, how to resolve conflicts? No. Do they engage in hands-on, creative, cooperative and spontaneous play? Not possible. You can’t receive Sacraments or validly hear Mass on Zoom. (If the novus ordo or current occupant of the Chair says so, it’s a lie.) You can learn about those things, listen in, catch a good sermon or conference, but the real thing must be in real life. You can’t receive Our Lord in Holy Communion on Zoom any more than a mother can nurse her baby on Zoom. I’m not saying don’t use technology. It has its place. I’m using it right now to explore and share ideas. If anyone has ideas regarding social support for isolated Catholics, alone or single families spread over vast geographical areas, please speak up. Does anyone know of examples from history when successful Catholic communities, not just for religious, were founded and operated for at least a few generations? Why did they succeed? Why did they fail?
Topic: Dress as a Detachment from the Perils of the Modern World? (Read 2828 times)