When I was a kid in college I did "magic mushrooms" (psilocybin, not amanita) with my two Jєωιѕн roommates and one "goy" roommate. I had bad influences and fell into the wrong crowd. Demonic vampires in human form it seemed to me. Thinking back to it, the whole ordeal felt like a blood sacrifice to satan. I forget most of what went on and I am glad I forgot it. Who knows the secrets of the heart. When it was over I felt happy. My Jєωιѕн roommate who went by the internet handle of "Big Baby Jesus" told me something after the ordeal was over. He said "I am surprised you did not die." What did he mean exactly? I think now that my guardian angel and my grandmother (In my heart I firmly believe that my grandmother Helen and my uncle David were saints, the two best human beings I know except for Church friends [and my grandmother was always in Church (Byzantine like "Sigismund") and she turned her house into a shrine filled with sacramentals]) were watching over me and defended me that night. So I survived. And a few years later I repented and started praying the Rosary.
When you do drugs you wander through the woods at night and you get lost. And when you repent the Blessed Mother finds you and shines a beacon like a lighthouse or the star of the sea and you have to follow her and if you trust in her she will get you home. But you have to wander all the way back and you have to do it backwards and blindfolded {and I mean that literally, not as some sort of parable. Literally}. Or perhaps that was just my experience. When I went to confession the priest would say pray three Hail Marys, but Our Lord made gave me a penance of his own me wander through the wilderness and sent me to hell and back and I suffered for a long time. It would have been easier if the priest just said please copy out the New Testament by hand three times instead of the ordeal I went through. I laugh at myself for my ingratitude and for the silliness and stupidity of my actions, including my prayers. Oh the idiotic things one says to God when one is alone in the night with a broken heart. Every Idle Word? Who can face that Judgment.
I feel better now. But I do not know anything. I have no idea what I am doing and if anything I do is a sin or not. I think I am brewing coffee but I am really cutting cucuмbers. I think I am watering my wildflowers but I am really kissing a girl on the cheek. I do not even know if I am blind or if I can see. At one time I believe that my eyes had been gouged out and replaced with cat's eyes and I tried to get my eyes back through prayer to the Blessed Mother. Are my eyes real. I prayed to Saint Lucy for new eyes for Julian and new eyes for myself.
So don't ever do illegal drugs unless you want to go to hell and back as many times as you crucify Our Lord. Ever. Especially hallucinogens as they open the door for the devil to enter into your soul. When you see the demons they are real demons, and they will try to ensnare you, and since you committed a mortal sin in taking those drugs, unless you didn't know any better, you will be defenseless. Not a good idea.
The poor Jews' names were Jason and Michael. I should pray for them. And the other victim was named Geoffrey. I loved him but we lost touch. Perhaps I should look him up.
But I did so many silly things and even now, I am a silly fool. I have no idea what is going on except that I should obey my parents. And I am not even good at that. My father told me to go to bed but I feel drawn to write this post so I made it. In the dark of the night. My aunt used to tell me that "the freaks come out at night" so women should never walk alone after dark unless they want to be abducted, and you should always have a candle for fear that one might get lost.
So many Rosaries and so many Ave Maris Stella's. I think I am ready now to try to be good. I have decided that I am going to ask Mr. Steve to teach me how to play the guitar or find me a suitable teacher. I have the most beautiful guitar in the world. I found it at guitar center for 350 dollars. It was a true bargain. My favorite style is finger-picking using all five fingers on both hands, but I am trying to learn how to use a pick also. I have found that the faith seems to increase with all work no matter what kind of work you are doing. So if you play the guitar, you get better at sewing, and if you pray, you get better at cooking, and if you drive a car, you get better at singing. Does this make sense to anyone?
I want to play the guitar and get married to and start a family. I have prayed for the details, who knows how exactly my prayers will be answered. I have a long way to go, but I do not know how long it will take. I know God will provide but I do not know how much he will provide and how quickly he will provide it. I will tell you part of one of my foolish prayers. You know how it begins . . . but it ends with: ". . . All I want is to be with Saint Gemma.' Of course that is referring to Saint Gemma Galgani who I guess is my special Saint who I am devoted to. What a foolish prayer. I have no idea where it will lead me, though I do hope it will end in heaven.
This a strange post. I hope my father does not get angry with me for staying up past my bedtime. I am trying to a good work by posting here so I hope it is alright. Good night, my friends. Have peace. Tomorrow is Church (though it is past midnight so it is today). God bless you.
Topic: Don't do "magic mushrooms"! (Read 678 times)