Don’t Treat Your Husband Like a Child
BY STEPHANIE, ON OCTOBER 12TH, 2010

When I was … less mature (ahem)… I had no idea that women were designed differently from men – in more than just the anatomical ways.

Some people will think the differences stem from strictly scientific means (hormones, etc.), but I think that is just part of it. From the beginning, man and woman were created in different ways and for different purposes within their relationship (Eve being created as a “corresponding companion” to Adam).

I say I had no idea, but rest assured, some very good Bible teachers had relayed this message to me while I was in college. I took it in, processed it, and stowed it away in my Very Important Biblical Information file in my brain. I then heard more very good Bible teachers preach on the very same message multiple times in my first several years of marriage.

And then I carried on my way doing one of the exact things I was created to do: Nurture. To my husband.

Right behavior, wrong subject.

So, ladies, you’ve already pointed your mates to Servant Leaders Are Sexy, now what’s our role in all of this? Let me tell you this very plainly:

My job is NOT to love my husband.
My job is to RESPECT my husband.

Let me also say this, if you’re anything like me, You don’t know what that means!!!! I truly thought that if I would just love Brad to death, then he would have everything he needs to thrive as a man. W.R.O.N.G. The reason I truly thought that is because that is what I long for as a woman.

I thought men and women needed the same things (and, you know, we just call them different things). No. Men and women need very different things. I need love; he needs respect. Our community group went through a study based on the book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs*, by Emerson Eggerichs. And finally, I started to see what respect really looks like.

Ladies, there are ways you can encourage your husband (or boyfriend or fiance) to thrive in servant-leadership. In fact, even if your husband is not a good servant leader at all, you should still start with respect.

Now I am no expert, believe me (or ask my husband!). My heart here is just to share with you some things that have worked for us. In most situations, ask yourself what would empower your man. In no particular order, here are some suggestions.

Your husband is not your child. Do not offer to cut his meat for him. You do not need to ask his opinion on exactly how he wants his sandwich made for lunch; that kind of behavior is belittling, naggy, and makes him seem incapable. I’m pretty sure you already know what kind of sandwich your husband likes anyway.
When your husband leaves the house, don’t say, “Be careful.” He is not made to be careful. He is made to be a risk-taker, a wild man. I just say, “I love you.” He knows I want him to come home safely.
Pet names: Instead of “widdle widdle wammy poo poo”, call your husband by something that makes him feel like a man. I like “My Warrior”, “Strong Man”. FYI, I do have other gushy pet names, but they do not in any way make my husband out to be a child. E.g., “My One and Only”.
Trust him. If you’re anything like us, and you as the wife is the left-brained one, you might have the tendency to question his every decision. I’m not saying it’s bad to talk through decisions together; in fact, I hope you do! But you absolutely need to trust him in some things to give him room to lead.
STOP NAGGING. I have never thought I was a nagger, but then I found out that even “gently reminding” my husband of an undone project is a nag and makes him want to check out. Here’s the way we work around this. We have a list (yes, you probably have a similar honey-do list). The list is on a bulletin board. When there are projects, big or small, that need work, either of us can put it on the list. Once a week, hubby has a man-check morning. As part of this ritual, he asks himself some questions to make sure he is doing what needs to as a servant leader. One of his tasks is to check the list and make plans towards those projects. I don’t have to nag, and he is empowered in his efforts.
But DO communicate! We have a monthly “Team Pete” meeting where we discuss calendars, budget, spiritual goals, and anything “big” coming up. This is a great time to discuss things that are and are not working. This isn’t the only time you communicate, but it’s one big download session that we both mentally prepare for.
Don’t constantly correct him on how to play with the kids. His ways are different, and it’s supposed to be that way. (I hope you know that I do not mean that you should not be unified, but that it’s OK for him to be more rough and wild with the kids than you would be.)
Now, I’m sure some of you are much better at this than I am. Tell me in the comments what you do to empower your husband.

If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.

If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.

Eh, it's kind of a chicken and egg thing. Personally, though, I'm more inclined to agree with the author of the article. It's true, a lot of men aren't very good leaders, but if women encouraged them instead of tearing them down, I'm sure a lot of them could become real leaders. I think women don't realize how important their role is in creating real men, both as mothers and wives.

It's kind of like raising children. Simply saying, 'don't act so childish' never does any good, but actually treating children like adults (including both privileges and responsibilities) often inspires them to behave more like adults.

Just my two cents.

"The human family is a small society, consisting basically of father, mother and children. Now common sense tells us that every human society needs a head to be able to function. If no head directs or commands, the society loses its direction and falls apart. A football team needs a captain, a corporation needs a chief executive officer, a country needs a king or president, a town needs a mayor, a fire brigade needs a chief, an army needs a general, a university needs a rector, a court needs a judge, and so on, and so on."


And when the captain is on the bench, the CEO is AWOL, and the king is watching football...

Then what happens?  The team, the employees, the subjects muddle along as best they can.  (read women and children)

I find it amusing that "people" blame women for the fact that men no longer are leaders.  Aren't leaders suppose to take initiate and lead, rather than waiting for someone to give them the ok to do so?   I personally don't think it's a problem of the chicken and the egg, the problem is the Rooster sitting on the fence.

Men stopped following God's plan for their role in creation and women have tried to pick up the pieces with disastrous results for all concerned.  I think the real question is how are men to reclaim their place in society?  Get off the couch, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible !

It is a very complicated issue I realize,  involving our entire social structure, our educational, legal, and economic systems but I still think a good start would be reading a chapter of Proverbs a day (for both men and women), there are 31 chapters which dove tail nicely with our calendar.

Marsha

"The human family is a small society, consisting basically of father, mother and children. Now common sense tells us that every human society needs a head to be able to function. If no head directs or commands, the society loses its direction and falls apart. A football team needs a captain, a corporation needs a chief executive officer, a country needs a king or president, a town needs a mayor, a fire brigade needs a chief, an army needs a general, a university needs a rector, a court needs a judge, and so on, and so on."


And when the captain is on the bench, the CEO is AWOL, and the king is watching football...

Then what happens?  The team, the employees, the subjects muddle along as best they can.  (read women and children)

I find it amusing that "people" blame women for the fact that men no longer are leaders.  Aren't leaders suppose to take initiate and lead, rather than waiting for someone to give them the ok to do so?   I personally don't think it's a problem of the chicken and the egg, the problem is the Rooster sitting on the fence.

Men stopped following God's plan for their role in creation and women have tried to pick up the pieces with disastrous results for all concerned.  I think the real question is how are men to reclaim their place in society?  Get off the couch, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible !

It is a very complicated issue I realize,  involving our entire social structure, our educational, legal, and economic systems but I still think a good start would be reading a chapter of Proverbs a day (for both men and women), there are 31 chapters which dove tail nicely with our calendar.

Marsha

Marxian feminism compels you to blame the man for all of the woman's woe, although it is the freedom and liberation of women that has actually led to the woe of the entire family. I do agree that watching television is a bad thing for the man to do but playing sports, and yes that includes physical fitness and gymnastics for women as well, is a good thing.

Howdy.  Just lurking today.  The OP mentioned a good book.  I'll check it out later.

Take care y'all.

-Laramie

I'm pretty sure she is Protestant.  That qualifies as wrong somehow. :smile:

It's a complex topic that should be discussed with care and precision.

Quote from: alaric

If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.

I don't know why someone voted you down. This is also the truth. Look at all of the feminized men we have around these days along with weak-willed intellectual pacifists who are called 'men' when they should instead be called boys. If the men were masculine men, we wouldn't have such a ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ metropolis like we have these days.

Then again, some of these "metrosɛҳuąƖs" worship the body and appearance, just look at all those bodybuilding queers you have out there with their gelled hair and designer tans yet they're as fαɢɢօty as the day is long.

There's much more to being a true man than just being "in shape".