Author Topic: Do not treat your husband like a child  (Read 5785 times)

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Offline Matthew

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Do not treat your husband like a child
« on: November 02, 2012, 05:33:50 PM »
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  • Don’t Treat Your Husband Like a Child
    BY STEPHANIE, ON OCTOBER 12TH, 2010

    When I was … less mature (ahem)… I had no idea that women were designed differently from men – in more than just the anatomical ways.

    Some people will think the differences stem from strictly scientific means (hormones, etc.), but I think that is just part of it. From the beginning, man and woman were created in different ways and for different purposes within their relationship (Eve being created as a “corresponding companion” to Adam).

    I say I had no idea, but rest assured, some very good Bible teachers had relayed this message to me while I was in college. I took it in, processed it, and stowed it away in my Very Important Biblical Information file in my brain. I then heard more very good Bible teachers preach on the very same message multiple times in my first several years of marriage.

    And then I carried on my way doing one of the exact things I was created to do: Nurture. To my husband.

    Right behavior, wrong subject.

    So, ladies, you’ve already pointed your mates to Servant Leaders Are Sexy, now what’s our role in all of this? Let me tell you this very plainly:

    My job is NOT to love my husband.
    My job is to RESPECT my husband.

    Let me also say this, if you’re anything like me, You don’t know what that means!!!! I truly thought that if I would just love Brad to death, then he would have everything he needs to thrive as a man. W.R.O.N.G. The reason I truly thought that is because that is what I long for as a woman.

    I thought men and women needed the same things (and, you know, we just call them different things). No. Men and women need very different things. I need love; he needs respect. Our community group went through a study based on the book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs*, by Emerson Eggerichs. And finally, I started to see what respect really looks like.

    Ladies, there are ways you can encourage your husband (or boyfriend or fiance) to thrive in servant-leadership. In fact, even if your husband is not a good servant leader at all, you should still start with respect.

    Now I am no expert, believe me (or ask my husband!). My heart here is just to share with you some things that have worked for us. In most situations, ask yourself what would empower your man. In no particular order, here are some suggestions.

    Your husband is not your child. Do not offer to cut his meat for him. You do not need to ask his opinion on exactly how he wants his sandwich made for lunch; that kind of behavior is belittling, naggy, and makes him seem incapable. I’m pretty sure you already know what kind of sandwich your husband likes anyway.
    When your husband leaves the house, don’t say, “Be careful.” He is not made to be careful. He is made to be a risk-taker, a wild man. I just say, “I love you.” He knows I want him to come home safely.
    Pet names: Instead of “widdle widdle wammy poo poo”, call your husband by something that makes him feel like a man. I like “My Warrior”, “Strong Man”. FYI, I do have other gushy pet names, but they do not in any way make my husband out to be a child. E.g., “My One and Only”.
    Trust him. If you’re anything like us, and you as the wife is the left-brained one, you might have the tendency to question his every decision. I’m not saying it’s bad to talk through decisions together; in fact, I hope you do! But you absolutely need to trust him in some things to give him room to lead.
    STOP NAGGING. I have never thought I was a nagger, but then I found out that even “gently reminding” my husband of an undone project is a nag and makes him want to check out. Here’s the way we work around this. We have a list (yes, you probably have a similar honey-do list). The list is on a bulletin board. When there are projects, big or small, that need work, either of us can put it on the list. Once a week, hubby has a man-check morning. As part of this ritual, he asks himself some questions to make sure he is doing what needs to as a servant leader. One of his tasks is to check the list and make plans towards those projects. I don’t have to nag, and he is empowered in his efforts.
    But DO communicate! We have a monthly “Team Pete” meeting where we discuss calendars, budget, spiritual goals, and anything “big” coming up. This is a great time to discuss things that are and are not working. This isn’t the only time you communicate, but it’s one big download session that we both mentally prepare for.
    Don’t constantly correct him on how to play with the kids. His ways are different, and it’s supposed to be that way. (I hope you know that I do not mean that you should not be unified, but that it’s OK for him to be more rough and wild with the kids than you would be.)
    Now, I’m sure some of you are much better at this than I am. Tell me in the comments what you do to empower your husband.
    Start your Amazon.com session by clicking this link, and my family and I get a commission on your purchase!

    Offline s2srea

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #1 on: November 02, 2012, 06:23:08 PM »
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  • Great article, I will share with my wife and sister!


    Offline alaric

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #2 on: November 03, 2012, 07:59:29 AM »
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  • If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.

    Offline Graham

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #3 on: November 03, 2012, 08:43:29 AM »
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  • She comes across so annoying (honey-do, man-check, my heart is) that she must be wrong somehow. No time to read it carefully.

    Offline lefebvre_fan

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #4 on: November 03, 2012, 09:23:18 AM »
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  • Quote from: alaric
    If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.


    Eh, it's kind of a chicken and egg thing. Personally, though, I'm more inclined to agree with the author of the article. It's true, a lot of men aren't very good leaders, but if women encouraged them instead of tearing them down, I'm sure a lot of them could become real leaders. I think women don't realize how important their role is in creating real men, both as mothers and wives.

    It's kind of like raising children. Simply saying, 'don't act so childish' never does any good, but actually treating children like adults (including both privileges and responsibilities) often inspires them to behave more like adults.

    Just my two cents.
    "The Catholic Church is the only thing which saves a man from the degrading slavery of being a child of his age."--G. K. Chesterton


    Offline Ethelred

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #5 on: November 03, 2012, 10:00:26 AM »
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  • Quote from: alaric
    If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.

    Yes, indeed. :-)

    A wise and true man once said :


    »The human family is a small society, consisting basically of father, mother and children. Now common sense tells us that every human society needs a head to be able to function. If no head directs or commands, the society loses its direction and falls apart. A football team needs a captain, a corporation needs a chief executive officer, a country needs a king or president, a town needs a mayor, a fire brigade needs a chief, an army needs a general, a university needs a rector, a court needs a judge, and so on, and so on.

    Above all, a family needs a father, because the human family is not only a human society, it is the most basic and natural of human societies, in fact it is the basic model for all other societies. This is because in no other society can the bonds which tie the members together be so deep or natural as the bonds which tie husband to wife and parents to children. Also in no other society is it so clear how the head must both command and care for the members. If a father commands without caring, the family suffers from his harshness. If he cares without commanding – rather more often the case today – it suffers from his softness. Thus family fatherhood is the model for all human authority. That is why (cf. EC 145) the Fourth Commandment to honour father and mother stands at the head of the seven Commandments governing relations in human society.

    Now family fatherhood, like all fatherhood or authority, derives from God the Father. St Paul says, "I bow my knees to the Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom all fatherhood is named" (Eph. III, 14,15). In other words, says the Word of God, from the fatherhood of God the Father all fatherhood in the human family, all headship in any human society, derives its nature, because the "name", or word, signifies the nature or thing. Then it stands to reason that in any world which kicks out God the Father, as our world is now doing, the name and nature of fatherhood will be drained out of our minds, and all fatherhood and all authority will be emptied out of our lives.

    Family fathers, lead your families to God! Put yourselves under him, and your wives and children will put themselves that much more easily under you. "The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God", says St Paul (I Cor. XI, 3). Give to wife and children the example of a manly piety, as natural as it is "supernatural", and whatever our mad world may get up to for its part, you at least will be doing the best you can for the family that God has entrusted to you.«

    Offline Marlelar

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #6 on: November 03, 2012, 10:53:12 AM »
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  • "The human family is a small society, consisting basically of father, mother and children. Now common sense tells us that every human society needs a head to be able to function. If no head directs or commands, the society loses its direction and falls apart. A football team needs a captain, a corporation needs a chief executive officer, a country needs a king or president, a town needs a mayor, a fire brigade needs a chief, an army needs a general, a university needs a rector, a court needs a judge, and so on, and so on."


    And when the captain is on the bench, the CEO is AWOL, and the king is watching football...

    Then what happens?  The team, the employees, the subjects muddle along as best they can.  (read women and children)

    I find it amusing that "people" blame women for the fact that men no longer are leaders.  Aren't leaders suppose to take initiate and lead, rather than waiting for someone to give them the ok to do so?   I personally don't think it's a problem of the chicken and the egg, the problem is the Rooster sitting on the fence.

    Men stopped following God's plan for their role in creation and women have tried to pick up the pieces with disastrous results for all concerned.  I think the real question is how are men to reclaim their place in society?  Get off the couch, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible !

    It is a very complicated issue I realize,  involving our entire social structure, our educational, legal, and economic systems but I still think a good start would be reading a chapter of Proverbs a day (for both men and women), there are 31 chapters which dove tail nicely with our calendar.

    Marsha

    Offline lefebvre_fan

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #7 on: November 03, 2012, 02:33:18 PM »
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  • Says the woman.

    (Note that I didn't vote you down.)

    I'm not claiming to be unbiased, either. Still, I think if more women took the first step and decided to support their husbands, lovers, etc., more men would be inspired by their in-built chivalry to reach for a higher ideal. History and literature are filled with stories of women who inspired men to great acts of bravery, leadership, works of art, etc. Unfortunately, in today's society, men are too often depicted as little more than oversized children, and after a while, men really start to believe that that's all that's expected of them. Many of them need women to hold them to a higher standard and provide encouragement to them to reach it. It's often said that "behind every strong man is an even stronger woman," and I believe it (although there are some really strong priests and lay brothers as well).
    "The Catholic Church is the only thing which saves a man from the degrading slavery of being a child of his age."--G. K. Chesterton


    Offline Traditional Guy 20

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #8 on: November 03, 2012, 02:50:21 PM »
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  • Quote from: Marlelar
    "The human family is a small society, consisting basically of father, mother and children. Now common sense tells us that every human society needs a head to be able to function. If no head directs or commands, the society loses its direction and falls apart. A football team needs a captain, a corporation needs a chief executive officer, a country needs a king or president, a town needs a mayor, a fire brigade needs a chief, an army needs a general, a university needs a rector, a court needs a judge, and so on, and so on."


    And when the captain is on the bench, the CEO is AWOL, and the king is watching football...

    Then what happens?  The team, the employees, the subjects muddle along as best they can.  (read women and children)

    I find it amusing that "people" blame women for the fact that men no longer are leaders.  Aren't leaders suppose to take initiate and lead, rather than waiting for someone to give them the ok to do so?   I personally don't think it's a problem of the chicken and the egg, the problem is the Rooster sitting on the fence.

    Men stopped following God's plan for their role in creation and women have tried to pick up the pieces with disastrous results for all concerned.  I think the real question is how are men to reclaim their place in society?  Get off the couch, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible !

    It is a very complicated issue I realize,  involving our entire social structure, our educational, legal, and economic systems but I still think a good start would be reading a chapter of Proverbs a day (for both men and women), there are 31 chapters which dove tail nicely with our calendar.

    Marsha


    Marxian feminism compels you to blame the man for all of the woman's woe, although it is the freedom and liberation of women that has actually led to the woe of the entire family. I do agree that watching television is a bad thing for the man to do but playing sports, and yes that includes physical fitness and gymnastics for women as well, is a good thing.

    Offline Traditional Guy 20

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #9 on: November 03, 2012, 02:52:39 PM »
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  • Quote from: alaric
    If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.


    I don't know why someone voted you down. This is also the truth. Look at all of the feminized men we have around these days along with weak-willed intellectual pacifists who are called 'men' when they should instead be called boys. If the men were masculine men, we wouldn't have such a homosexual metropolis like we have these days.

    Offline LaramieHirsch

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #10 on: November 03, 2012, 05:39:56 PM »
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  • Howdy.  Just lurking today.  The OP mentioned a good book.  I'll check it out later.

    Take care y'all.

    -Laramie
    .........................

    Before some audiences not even the possession of the exactest knowledge will make it easy for what we say to produce conviction. For argument based on knowledge implies instruction, and there are people whom one cannot instruct.  - Aristotle


    Offline Jaynek

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #11 on: November 03, 2012, 08:08:52 PM »
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  • Quote from: Graham
    She comes across so annoying (honey-do, man-check, my heart is) that she must be wrong somehow. No time to read it carefully.


    From the terminology she is using, I'm pretty sure she is Protestant.  That qualifies as wrong somehow. :smile:

    Offline guitarplucker

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    Do not treat your husband like a child
    « Reply #12 on: November 03, 2012, 08:52:41 PM »
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  • Quote from: Jaynek
    I'm pretty sure she is Protestant.  That qualifies as wrong somehow. :smile:


    It's a complex topic that should be discussed with care and precision.

    Offline Marlelar

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    « Reply #13 on: November 03, 2012, 09:54:10 PM »
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  • Quote from: Traditional Guy 20
    Quote from: Marlelar

    And when the captain is on the bench, the CEO is AWOL, and the king is watching football...

    Then what happens?  The team, the employees, the subjects muddle along as best they can.  (read women and children)

    I find it amusing that "people" blame women for the fact that men no longer are leaders.  Aren't leaders suppose to take initiate and lead, rather than waiting for someone to give them the ok to do so?   I personally don't think it's a problem of the chicken and the egg, the problem is the Rooster sitting on the fence.

    Men stopped following God's plan for their role in creation and women have tried to pick up the pieces with disastrous results for all concerned.  I think the real question is how are men to reclaim their place in society?  Get off the couch, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible !

    It is a very complicated issue I realize,  involving our entire social structure, our educational, legal, and economic systems but I still think a good start would be reading a chapter of Proverbs a day (for both men and women), there are 31 chapters which dove tail nicely with our calendar.

    Marsha


    Marxian feminism compels you to blame the man for all of the woman's woe, although it is the freedom and liberation of women that has actually led to the woe of the entire family. I do agree that watching television is a bad thing for the man to do but playing sports, and yes that includes physical fitness and gymnastics for women as well, is a good thing.


    You completely misunderstand.  I am not a Marxist, nor a feminist, and I am not complaining about any man or any imaginary "woe".  I am commenting on what my, admittedly outsider's view, is about why men are no longer leading.  Our educational system as emasculated him, our legal system has made him superfluous, our economic system has robbed him of his ability to earn a family wage;  Hey, I'm on the man's side and I think there is a war against men in our age and I am PO'd about it!

    By the way I said nothing about PLAYING sports, I merely think it is a waste of time and perhaps money to WATCH someone else play games.  I think it contributes to our national ennui, and I apply that equally to men, women, and children.  

    Remember the Romans and their "bread and circuses"?  Now it is Americans with their EBT cards and football, basketball, baseball...

    Offline alaric

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    « Reply #14 on: November 04, 2012, 09:17:43 AM »
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  • Quote from: Traditional Guy 20
    Quote from: alaric
    If men would stop acting like children their wives would stop treating them like one. Unfortunately we have many big "children" leading the households in this country.


    I don't know why someone voted you down. This is also the truth. Look at all of the feminized men we have around these days along with weak-willed intellectual pacifists who are called 'men' when they should instead be called boys. If the men were masculine men, we wouldn't have such a homosexual metropolis like we have these days.
    Then again, some of these "metrosexuals" worship the body and appearance, just look at all those bodybuilding queers you have out there with their gelled hair and designer tans yet they're as faggoty as the day is long.

    There's much more to being a true man than just being "in shape".

     

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