Author Topic: Dilemma (Read 2848 times)

JoanScholastica · « **on:** September 04, 2010, 02:44:09 AM »

I want to become a nun but Fr. Daniels (SSPX Vocation's director here)told me it's better to wait for my parents' approval which would happen next next year.

Along the way, I meet decent guys. Much as I try avoiding them, it's useless since they're the ones who approach and wanted to be friends with me. When I frankly tell them of my desire of entering religious life, they eventually got shocked, depressed and heartbroken. It's obvious they wanted me to give them a chance but I remain unshaken to be just a friend. My problem here is that I don't feel any better knowing that I've been the cause of their depression but neither do I want to give up my vocation as well.

Any advice? It'll certainly be of great help.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #1 on:** September 04, 2010, 02:49:09 AM »

Quote from: JoanScholastica

I want to become a nun but Fr. Daniels (SSPX Vocation's director here)told me it's better to wait for my parents' approval which would happen next next year.

Along the way, I meet decent guys. Much as I try avoiding them, it's useless since they're the ones who approach and wanted to be friends with me. When I frankly tell them of my desire of entering religious life, they eventually got shocked, depressed and heartbroken. It's obvious they wanted me to give them a chance but I remain unshaken to be just a friend. My problem here is that I don't feel any better knowing that I've been the cause of their depression but neither do I want to give up my vocation as well.

Any advice? It'll certainly be of great help.

Hmmmm. You don't need your parents permission. See St. Alphonsus Liguori on this matter. The SSPX seems to err sometimes in its view of parental authority.

Anyway Miss Joan, it's a noble thing to wish to be a nun, but perhaps you should be patient, and seek discernment

And you can't worry about depressing those fellows. Unless you really are worried. Then, perhaps, you should ask yourself the reason why.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #2 on:** September 04, 2010, 08:26:57 AM »

Sounds like you are torn between a marriage or religious vocation.
When I was very young I too, wanted to be a nun, but my desire to have children was much greater. Today I am happy with my decision, especially when I see what happened with Vatican II.
You already know you need to pray, and you know the devil is tempting you, this guy here :devil2: does not want you to be a nun, he wants you out in the world, and the men out there today expect what they have no right to expect from young women, prior to marriage. Be careful, and may Our Lady help you choose according to the Will of God.

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #3 on:** September 05, 2010, 07:41:36 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: JoanScholastica
I want to become a nun but Fr. Daniels (SSPX Vocation's director here)told me it's better to wait for my parents' approval which would happen next next year.

Along the way, I meet decent guys. Much as I try avoiding them, it's useless since they're the ones who approach and wanted to be friends with me. When I frankly tell them of my desire of entering religious life, they eventually got shocked, depressed and heartbroken. It's obvious they wanted me to give them a chance but I remain unshaken to be just a friend. My problem here is that I don't feel any better knowing that I've been the cause of their depression but neither do I want to give up my vocation as well.

Any advice? It'll certainly be of great help.

Hmmmm. You don't need your parents permission. See St. Alphonsus Liguori on this matter. The SSPX seems to err sometimes in its view of parental authority.

Anyway Miss Joan, it's a noble thing to wish to be a nun, but perhaps you should be patient, and seek discernment

And you can't worry about depressing those fellows. Unless you really are worried. Then, perhaps, you should ask yourself the reason why.

Thanks... I guess you're right... I should stop worrying about them.

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #4 on:** September 05, 2010, 07:42:22 PM »

Quote from: MyrnaM

Sounds like you are torn between a marriage or religious vocation.
When I was very young I too, wanted to be a nun, but my desire to have children was much greater. Today I am happy with my decision, especially when I see what happened with Vatican II.
You already know you need to pray, and you know the devil is tempting you, this guy here :devil2: does not want you to be a nun, he wants you out in the world, and the men out there today expect what they have no right to expect from young women, prior to marriage. Be careful, and may Our Lady help you choose according to the Will of God.

Divided??? That's something unthinkable... I was still 16 when I made that decision to pursue religious life. But thanks for the advice... Much appreciated!

MaterDominici · « **Reply #5 on:** September 05, 2010, 07:46:48 PM »

I wouldn't worry about the young men. Be upfront with them. Just make sure and don't befriend a young man only to tell him weeks/months later that your plan is to enter the religious life. If you have no intention of courting anyone, just make sure they know that within the first few times they speak with you.

Matto · « **Reply #6 on:** September 05, 2010, 08:04:01 PM »

As a young man, I would suggest that if you are confident about your vocation, and you do not want to cause these young men distress, it would be best if you avoided becoming friends with them. It is very hard for most of us young men to just be friends with nice young women. Emotions and the devil usually get involved and then we start thinking we have fallen in love and then we start to covet.

Good luck with your vocation.

Vladimir · « **Reply #7 on:** September 06, 2010, 01:20:00 AM »

You must tell them this

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #8 on:** September 16, 2010, 04:31:09 AM »

Quote from: MaterDominici

I wouldn't worry about the young men. Be upfront with them. Just make sure and don't befriend a young man only to tell him weeks/months later that your plan is to enter the religious life. If you have no intention of courting anyone, just make sure they know that within the first few times they speak with you.

Thanks! I'll keep this advice....

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #9 on:** September 16, 2010, 04:34:18 AM »

Quote from: Matto

As a young man, I would suggest that if you are confident about your vocation, and you do not want to cause these young men distress, it would be best if you avoided becoming friends with them. It is very hard for most of us young men to just be friends with nice young women. Emotions and the devil usually get involved and then we start thinking we have fallen in love and then we start to covet.

Good luck with your vocation.

Thanks... Your description about men speak very much like the guys I meet...

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #10 on:** September 16, 2010, 04:35:35 AM »

Quote from: Vladimir

You must tell them this

Thanks... But the last words sounded scary...

wallflower · « **Reply #11 on:** September 16, 2010, 08:10:27 AM »

Just tell yourself that they will get over it. I broke a few hearts along the way and it used to really bother me as they were good men and I liked them, just not in that way. But then I realized, who am I to think they will pine after me forever, that I was their all? It comforted me to think they would get over it, which they did and we've all survived. Two are even priests now! I think things turned out quite well after all. :)

Belloc · « **Reply #12 on:** September 16, 2010, 08:17:11 AM »

Quote from: JoanScholastica

I want to become a nun but Fr. Daniels (SSPX Vocation's director here)told me it's better to wait for my parents' approval which would happen next next year.

Along the way, I meet decent guys. Much as I try avoiding them, it's useless since they're the ones who approach and wanted to be friends with me. When I frankly tell them of my desire of entering religious life, they eventually got shocked, depressed and heartbroken. It's obvious they wanted me to give them a chance but I remain unshaken to be just a friend. My problem here is that I don't feel any better knowing that I've been the cause of their depression but neither do I want to give up my vocation as well.

Any advice? It'll certainly be of great help.

speak to your priest about discernment process..also, you have to examine your own feelings as a woman, meaning, are you confused? pine for family? many are divided....

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #13 on:** September 16, 2010, 06:43:45 PM »

Quote from: wallflower

Just tell yourself that they will get over it. I broke a few hearts along the way and it used to really bother me as they were good men and I liked them, just not in that way. But then I realized, who am I to think they will pine after me forever, that I was their all? It comforted me to think they would get over it, which they did and we've all survived. Two are even priests now! I think things turned out quite well after all. :)

Thanks! Nice to know that they've become priests!

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #14 on:** September 16, 2010, 06:46:07 PM »

Quote from: Belloc

Quote from: JoanScholastica
I want to become a nun but Fr. Daniels (SSPX Vocation's director here)told me it's better to wait for my parents' approval which would happen next next year.

Along the way, I meet decent guys. Much as I try avoiding them, it's useless since they're the ones who approach and wanted to be friends with me. When I frankly tell them of my desire of entering religious life, they eventually got shocked, depressed and heartbroken. It's obvious they wanted me to give them a chance but I remain unshaken to be just a friend. My problem here is that I don't feel any better knowing that I've been the cause of their depression but neither do I want to give up my vocation as well.

Any advice? It'll certainly be of great help.

speak to your priest about discernment process..also, you have to examine your own feelings as a woman, meaning, are you confused? pine for family? many are divided....

I'm not divided like I said earlier. But thanks for your piece of advice as well!