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Offline jman123

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dealing with hostile family members
« on: October 25, 2012, 06:22:38 PM »
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  • How do you deal with cousins and extended family that derisively point out that you are weird, why do you keep having so many children, what is the point with having so many children that might eventually end up on welfare due to the inadequate education received while homeschooling etc.... etc......  

    Usually the people who say this are proponents of college education, high standard of living, have 2 kids, have good vacations, fancy cars, etc.....



        How do you deal with these people?   What if your kids like these people and separating them will cause emotional harm to the little kids, your children since they are family and they visit every Christmas?


       

    Offline Matthew

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #1 on: October 25, 2012, 06:26:54 PM »
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  • Quote from: jman123
    How do you deal with cousins and extended family that derisively point out that you are weird, why do you keep having so many children, what is the point with having so many children that might eventually end up on welfare due to the inadequate education received while homeschooling etc.... etc......  

    Usually the people who say this are proponents of college education, high standard of living, have 2 kids, have good vacations, fancy cars, etc.....



        How do you deal with these people?   What if your kids like these people and separating them will cause emotional harm to the little kids, your children since they are family and they visit every Christmas?


       


    If they visit every Christmas, it's not TOO often, and you should be able to counter it the other 11 1/2 months.
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    Offline Clelia

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #2 on: October 25, 2012, 06:32:43 PM »
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  • Quote from: Matthew
    Quote from: jman123
    How do you deal with cousins and extended family that derisively point out that you are weird, why do you keep having so many children, what is the point with having so many children that might eventually end up on welfare due to the inadequate education received while homeschooling etc.... etc......  

    Usually the people who say this are proponents of college education, high standard of living, have 2 kids, have good vacations, fancy cars, etc.....



        How do you deal with these people?   What if your kids like these people and separating them will cause emotional harm to the little kids, your children since they are family and they visit every Christmas?


       


    If they visit every Christmas, it's not TOO often, and you should be able to counter it the other 11 1/2 months.


    You missed the point: jman seeks advise; not a quick dismissal after a pat on the head.

    Many of us struggle and suffer with this just like you, jman - it's the most difficult thing, to spread the Faith to family and not have them counter your children.s Faith.

    One bite at a time, and share these concerns with your children. They need to follow along with what you are trying to accomplish in The Name of The Lord.

    Keep it cool and I always told my kids: if you cannot be a light to others and they are bring you down and away from The Faith, you may have to end ties. Or, at least take breaks and pray and seek Spiritual Direction. God help you.
    Leaving the Boyz Club of little popes. SWAK.

    Offline Cheryl

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #3 on: October 26, 2012, 01:18:37 PM »
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  • Quote from: jman123
    How do you deal with cousins and extended family that derisively point out that you are weird, why do you keep having so many children, what is the point with having so many children that might eventually end up on welfare due to the inadequate education received while homeschooling etc.... etc......  

    Usually the people who say this are proponents of college education, high standard of living, have 2 kids, have good vacations, fancy cars, etc.....



        How do you deal with these people?   What if your kids like these people and separating them will cause emotional harm to the little kids, your children since they are family and they visit every Christmas?


       



    Having always been the black sheep of the family as well as possessing an abbie normal brain, I do believe I can give a few suggestions.    First, remember the adage, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bs.  Now we know the first part of this adage applies to you.  Do your homework!  Research and find the answers to every question you know they're going to sling at you.  Why have so many children?  Pick an answer, gifts from God, more people to love you and who will take care of you in your old age.  On the subject of homeschooling, research those famous people who were homeschooled and succeeded.  For those who are proponents of a college education, ask them if the people who fix their cars, plumbing, electricity, hook up their cable television, etc., went to college?  Don't let these people put you on the defensive, turn the tables and make them explain their lifestyle and see how well they can defend their way of life.

    May God Bless!    

    Offline 1st Mansion Tenant

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #4 on: October 26, 2012, 04:26:09 PM »
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  • I am confused a little. Are home schooled children not accepted into college? Are Catholics not supposed to have a college education? I never heard this before. As for the rest, there are no quick, breezy answers. The relationships in every family are different. Try to keep a sense of humor and humility, they well help the insults slide off. On the other hand, you could tell them that you had so many kids so that there would be more prayers for their conversion....


    Offline Elizabeth

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #5 on: October 26, 2012, 04:41:02 PM »
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  • With family, every chance you get, return good for evil.  Over and over.  God gave us our families for a reason.  Most of the people in prison don't really have families. Our family members will all need someone when they are dying, if possible let it be you with a good priest.

    Offline Stephen Francis

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #6 on: October 26, 2012, 08:49:12 PM »
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  • +JMJ+

    As has been mentioned, humility is the key. THE key. I cannot stress that enough. When dealing with others, esp. those who are family and yet unconvinced of your right to live as God enjoins you, you MUST do all diligence to cultivate a simple, straightforward and humble conversational style that will allow others to both hear your words in a non-combative way AND understand that you will not sway from your convictions.

    The reason (or at least some of the reason) for the apparent failures of committed Catholic homeschoolers to raise well-adjusted and competent children is simply this:

    You CANNOT raise a child to be a faithful Catholic adult if you are going to allow them to be inculcated by the world at large when they reach age 18. I have seen too many parents who believe that their children became 'adults' at 18 just because the US government SAYS that 18 is the age at which they can vote and be drafted. Those parents sent their CHILDREN (and 18 is barely more than a child these days) out into the 'dating' world, the 'go to college 1000 miles from home without your family around' world and the 'go get a secular job and spend more time with work and with non-Christian co-workers than you do with Our Lord and receiving the Sacraments' world.

    You can guess what happens in those instances.

    Basically, if you want to raise a child and educate and train them at home, don't expect that the world NOW will understand, and don't expect that the world 20 years from now will like your choices or your children any better when they have spent all those years being shielded from the filth of society AND being nourished by the Sacraments and fed by Holy Church and Her dogmas.

    St. John Bosco, lover of youth, pray for us.

    Immaculate Heart of Mary, triumph soon!

    Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
    This evil of heresy spreads itself. The doctrines of godliness are overturned; the rules of the Church are in confusion; the ambition of the unprincipled seizes upon places of authority; and the chief seat [the Papacy] is now openly proposed as a rewar

    Offline tradlover

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    dealing with hostile family members
    « Reply #7 on: October 26, 2012, 10:15:25 PM »
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  • I can relate to having Protestant cousins southerners and methodists.     Trying to convert them is a very un ecumenical thing  :jester:


    Offline Telesphorus

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    « Reply #8 on: October 27, 2012, 03:40:47 AM »
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  • Quote
    You CANNOT raise a child to be a faithful Catholic adult if you are going to allow them to be inculcated by the world at large when they reach age 18.


    It can happen even among "trads" before 18 unless they're basically isolated from other children.  And too much isolation will be a recipe for disaster.  Carefully screening one's children's companions and teaching children to flee the immorality of vicious companions is important.

    Quote
    I have seen too many parents who believe that their children became 'adults' at 18 just because the US government SAYS that 18 is the age at which they can vote and be drafted.


    It's not the government that makes people fully grown.  Gives them rights?  Yes,  let's keep in mind, the government has never stopped 18 year old women from running away from home.  

    Parents who try to treat 18 year olds are minors will

    1) not have a legal means to do so
    2) cause serious problems later in life.  

    A lot of these people who say "children aren't grown up at 18" seem to be the same people who are very anxious to treat them as children as adults.  

    Raising children to be Catholic, and to remain Catholic, means raising them to their vocation so that they are ready to take their place in the world as soon as possible.

    What often happens is a period of stifling that extends into young adulthood - or a sudden disastrous throwing out of the nest.  

    If you're going to throw them out of the nest, they'd better be ready to fly.

    On the other hand, if they're ready and able to fly away, don't expect that trying to keep them in the nest is going to do you any good.

    Offline Telesphorus

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    « Reply #9 on: October 27, 2012, 04:00:43 AM »
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  • The belief that young people somehow aren't growing up is a myth and a rationalization of the baby-boomers.  It's a way for them to excuse themselves for the social and economic wreck they've created.  They've damaged marriage, the family, the economy, the education system, to such an extent that they need someone to blame for the miserable future they've created - so of course they're going to blame their own children for not being able to easily find a good-paying job and a reasonably affordable place to live by their early 20s.  

    All this crap about children "not growing up" is really a matter of economics.

    In the old days, and among lower classes, it wasn't uncommon for married children to live with their parents.  

    Of course when it was economically feasible in the mid 20th century to move into a brand new house and live independently from a young age, things were a lot different.  When a college degree was a ticket to a good livelihood, things were a lot different.  Things were a lot different 40 years ago.  However, as far as "getting what they want" and blaming others for the mess they've made, it's a lot easier to blame young people for being shiftless and "immature" rather than for parents to blame their own deficiencies in judgment.

    Human nature hasn't changed.  What has changed is we've been raised by a generation raised on television and cultural indoctrination, and they lack imagination.  Among traditionalists, they lack an understanding of just how serious being a traditionalist is.  That is, you can't have your happy home, and pass it on to the next generation, without sacrifices.  That is, you can't raise your children in the slack manner "the greatest generation" did - then expect children to follow the baby boomers worldly path to success, and to remain Catholic.  If you want to remain Catholic, you have to follow traditions based on human nature.

    Offline Telesphorus

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    « Reply #10 on: October 27, 2012, 07:55:49 AM »
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  • That is, you can't have your happy home, and pass it on to the next generation, without sacrifices.

    Sacrifices of human respect, particularly in respect to the way others view your children and their choices in life.


    Offline songbird

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    « Reply #11 on: October 28, 2012, 06:45:20 PM »
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  • Jman:  I am a cradle catholic.  From a family of 9 siblings and mom catholic and dad converted.  As a family, we did more family gatherings on my dads side and all were of different denominations.  To make a long story short, I was not comfortable when staying overnight or such.  Now one said night prayers, no one did the sign of the cross.  My cousins did not dress with morality in mind,   Our family was told that the other denominations can be saved as well.  What I would have liked as a young person, would be for my parents to take me to the side and to have a talk of the difference of our religion and why ours is correct and how the others are ignorant and how we pray for them and how to defend our faith and for the hope of conversion, something my parents never did.  That way our minds, as young as they are, do not form the   wrong perceptions.  Young people need these talks.  One time I asked my mom a question of the faith,  She was acting in shock and said, you need to just believe and don't question.  I said, but if you can answer me, maybe my faith would be stronger.  That shocked my mom.  Now, the result of 9 kids is this, I am the only traditional, 5 left completly with adultery.  One is N. O. and does not encourage even that and they suffer. Another is in N. O. and can't stand it or me because he got married by a minister along with my mom to her 2nd husband(1st died).  Another refused to go to N. O. after her husband was found to be homosexual giving her genital herpes.  How very sad.  So, my family has bee upset with me for at least 15 years and refuse to speak with me, except one.  That is very sad.  BUT if my parents knew the ways of the devil and the perceptions of protestants of catholics and such, maybe we as a family could have defended our faith.  But because my mom decided to marry a man twiced divorced, out of the church the scandal was to big and I spoke up and I did too our children.  I explained how dad and I are and will not change.  That this man is not your step grand dad and pray for them, for they are excommunicated and why.  I noticed on one of our trips home, that my mom was not signing herself from prayers at the table.  I told our family off to the side, did you notice?  Your grandma does not see herself, so, next time we are at the table, before she wants you to hold hands, do the sign of the cross and fold your hands and help to remind your grandmother of where she should be.  And when we did, my mom and her  2nd husband became very quiet.  My mom had to follow us in signing ourselves and folding hands.  Something so simple and yet is was so very important.  You do what you have to do.  We just had my sister over and her husband and 3  children ages 25 to 30.  of the N. O. and the dad has no religion.  He remarked that our side of the family was not into playing cards much.  Well, I said, in the 1600s it was very popular with the protestants and so catholic had more important things to do in their faith and hidden priests had to learn how to play cards and keep them in their pocket to keep their disguise.  So, that sounds wait out there, but some how we too must have our side explained. and defended!

    Offline Viva Cristo Rey

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    « Reply #12 on: October 29, 2012, 01:16:43 PM »
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  • I think most people have family problems.

    For instance, right now we haven't heard from my husband's 2 sisters  for five years  and one a NO nun and the other was on second marriage and eucharistic minister of NO years.  

    I encourged my husband to make peace with them.  He has tried to make contact several times over the last couple of years and no reply.
     
    Today, we are all facing a severe and deadly storm with maybe 95 mile per hour wind.  My husband called the one sister who is NO nun to make sure that they are ok and we would help them if needed.  No reply and yet she teaches family faith formation at  one of the biggest parishs of the biggest NO diocese on east coast.  We know she gets the messages because another relative has no trouble getting through...

    At least we tried..

    To live with the Saints in Heaven is all bliss and glory....To live with the saints on Earth is just another story!  (unknown)

     

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