I have been discussing the issue of contraception with my long term girlfriend (we've been dating for about 4 years, 3 of them during college).

She doesn't consider using condoms a sin, and she wants to use them to regulate the number of children we have when we are married.  I have told her that I have no intention of using contraception when we are married because it is against Church teaching and the purpose of marriage.

I want to marry this girl, but I don't want to use contraception.  

How do I convince her to change her mind?  And if I am unable to convince her, should I break up with her?

Major red flag --

Disagreeing about something so fundamental will cause endless suffering and discord for the rest of your life.

I don't enjoy being the bearer of bad news (I'm sure you've met people who take pleasure in delivering said bad news!), but it doesn't sound like your girlfriend is on the same page as you when it comes to attitude toward God.

You trust God; she doesn't. You want to follow God's law; she is making her own law.

Lastly, even if you did seem to convince her, you'd have to be very wary that she's just agreeing for the sake of marrying you. If she's not truly convinced, you'll have all kinds of problems later.

Motherhood is a kind of martyrdom -- but as you know, martyrdom must be voluntarily accepted. If she wasn't prepared to give herself completely to her vocation (mother), she would be miserable with her 4, 5, or 8 kids and would take it out on you and everyone else.

In Christ,

Matthew

Major red flag --

Disagreeing about something so fundamental will cause endless suffering and discord for the rest of your life.

I don't enjoy being the bearer of bad news (I'm sure you've met people who take pleasure in delivering said bad news!), but it doesn't sound like your girlfriend is on the same page as you when it comes to attitude toward God.

You trust God; she doesn't. You want to follow God's law; she is making her own law.

Lastly, even if you did seem to convince her, you'd have to be very wary that she's just agreeing for the sake of marrying you. If she's not truly convinced, you'll have all kinds of problems later.

Motherhood is a kind of martyrdom -- but as you know, martyrdom must be voluntarily accepted. If she wasn't prepared to give herself completely to her vocation (mother), she would be miserable with her 4, 5, or 8 kids and would take it out on you and everyone else.

In Christ,

Matthew

Originally during college, she was always the "good Catholic," while I was the frat boy drunken moron.  So, she influenced me to become a better Catholic since then.

So, she doesn't take me seriously in this because I haven't always been the good boy.  She mentioned, "Why follow this teaching of the Church when you don't follow other teachings, like on racism?"  That opens a can of worms, of course.  Suffice it to say that I always win the debate and lose the argument.

I think you are clearly on to something with this post, which is indeed unfortunate.  This is a recent conversation she and I have had, so perhaps we will come to an agreement with time.

And, should I choose to end it, it's difficult to find a good Catholic girl nowadays... :thinking:

Is she Novus Ordo? It sounds like touchy-feely novus ordo psychobabble to me.

Indeed.  It seems a lot of young people think this is the way the Church has always been, and that when I say something about "the Jєωs," it is uncomfortable and utterly sinful.  I wonder what they'd think of St. Paul's comments about the Jєωs!

These kids in college were a part of the Church because of the cool folk masses and homilies that bordered on blasphemy every week.  That was part of the reason I was so turned off by the campus Catholics - I wanted to be told that I was not doing the right thing and that I needed to amend my life, or I would burn.  These kids used confession as a free psychiatrist!

At the very least, I asked this girl, "If Benedict XVI made the TLM mandatory for all churches from now on, would you remain a Catholic?" and she said yes.

Still, the novus ordo Church still teaches against contraception, so I am not alone in that argument.  If she wants to practice contraception, she must not want to remain Catholic - a dealbreaker to be sure.

At any rate, I'd be careful not to get desperate. A young man who is intelligent and mortified (able to control himself) will find the woman God picked out for him eventually, if marriage is God's will for him.

I speak from experience -- I was desperate once (as in, most of the time I was single), and I came very close to making several dreadful mistakes. Luckily God's providence intervened on several occasions so I wouldn't ruin my life.

I say God's providence, because that's the only explanation. The fact that I met someone eventually who was SO RIGHT for me, practically hand-crafted by God just for me -- it explains why I got dumped so many times! I was never able to reject anyone, sad to say.

Matthew

Ah yes, not able to reject anyone.  A difficult problem, that.  In time and through prayer, I will see God's plan more clearly.

Indeed. I think yall need to have serious discussions more often, such as philosophy and dogma. Talks on those topics really give you a better picture of that person. But if she's the talker and your the listener then that can be a little difficult.   Im a listener.

There are many fish in the sea. Gladius is right.

The fact that she wants you to use the birth control via condoms and she did not offer to use it herself via pills is telling.

You guys are harsh.
I'd at least speak to her a bit of the beauty of God's plan for women and the joys of raising children to see if she might possibly embrace such a life before he decides it's necessary to give her the boot.