I would say that probably the first thing single people need to do today, is to think long and hard about what it is they're getting into. I have heard of a priest who now refuses to marry anyone he believes is just "starry-eyed" because he knows the Church has been granting annulments like they are Catholic divorces, on the grounds of "we were too immature". And frankly, I applaud him for at least being ONE person to take the marriage seriously!
The fact is, many people, even many Catholics, while they realize in some sense that marriage is for children, and what not, they still have mostly the worldly idea of the whole thing. Most people retain the idea of marriage as just getting together and raising kids like dogs are raised: you feed and shelter them, and let nature take care of the rest. Not so, in the Catholic idea of marriage.
The Catholic idea is roughly that you will both be giving 100% of yourselves, sacrificing and nailing yourselves to the cross that is marriage, in order to raise souls for God and heaven, and to get there yourselves. The duties of the man will be to act as the head of the house, and in some sense, the spiritual head of the family, too.
From the beginning, this concept in itself changes the criteria for marriage partners. Is the woman willing to submit to the man's decisions? Or is she brainwashed with feminist ideas of the woman as the head and master? Is the man educated in the faith enough to lead in that department? Or is the woman educated in it enough to teach the children, and the man willing to learn and live what he learns in DEED? What will become of the SOULS of the children? How will they be shielded by their Catholic parents from the damning effects of public schools, the media and what not?
There are countless considerations Catholics ought to have when considering "falling in love" because this is the reality of marriage. It's not 50-50, it's 100-100, and it's not about the two people themselves, but about God and the souls they will be asked by God to raise for him. Those souls will need not only food and clothing, but affection, attention, education, the Faith... food for their minds and SOULS, and yes... food for their HEARTS, too.
Where does today's dysfunctional youth come from? The parents now have no concept of RAISING children. Just having them and letting them get bigger, and do what they want. Very few have even known the love, or any kind of real interaction with their parents. They grow up, and then do the same to their children. But children have hearts and, and they need attention and love as much as anything. All of this requires the couple to give, give, give. Are people prepared for that reality? And it's not over when they're out of diapers. You have to deal with them, their needs, and your duties toward them until they leave your house, essentially.
Women must be prepared to be mothers... Mothers of children, not mothers of dogs for the first 15 years, and then later, way down the road, MAYBE a child or two. They must be MOTHERS of children, not babysitters of them. Babysitters are the young girls who need spare money, so they come over and watch Junior to make sure he doesn't kill himself while mother is gone to work. But she doesn't NURTURE the child. She doesn't give of herself to the child. She doesn't love and teach and interact with and spend quality time with the child for the child's sake. She simply feeds, changes and makes sure the child doesn't kill himself or his siblings. Yet many women, when they become mothers, this is the exact concept they have of being a mother. She is just a full-time babysitter. Nothing more. As though the child has no needs but food and clothing, and to be clean. As though the child had no growing heart or soul or mind to be looked after. But a wife and mother must know these things, and be ready to do them to the best of her ability, not just while they're toddlers, but again, until they leave the house, more or less. Even after, the children should be able to come to their parents for advice or in some cases support or help.
But today, if children are born, they are simply treated like dogs by both parents. The dad pays for them, the mom makes sure they don't get killed while dad is gone to work. And that's more or less it. Or if they look after them, it's only until the child reaches the point where it can physically look after itself. Then it's like the child is an adult, and the parents think the child has no other needs to be met. They are not sick, they are not dirty, they have food and clothes... okay, they're good. But it's a recipe for a disaster in the mind, heart and soul to raise a child this way. And if you don't know yourself, then you can have no idea the torture in a child's heart, when they get older and come to feel that their parents view them like that... like an animal, who does not or should not have any needs beyond food and clothing, or else they are being selfish and unreasonable or bothersome. As though after the age of 7 or 8, one flips a switch and can turn the heart off simply because they have reached the age of reason.
So I think people who are thinking of marriage really should sit down and ask themselves what kind of ideas they hold in their heads about what it is going to entail, what it will be like, and most importantly, what is the TRUTH of the matter? What is REALLY necessary? What are REALLY going to be your duties and obligations, and are you REALLY going to be able to fulfill them? Are you even fit for this state of life? It's not a game, after all. These little souls may go to heaven or hell depending on your success or failures with raising them, and you will have to render an account to God of the job you did.
Back to mom and dad's qualifications, money is one thing. Maturity in terms of emotions is another. Maturity, in terms of an accurate picture of the reality is still another. A great intellect is something totally different still! Many people confuse being smart with being mature. But there is a great difference! One may be an emotional and psychological midget and be very, very smart intellectually! But a grave lack in any department may be disaster in a marriage. If a smart person marries, and has the emotional mindset or needs of a 7-year-old... what kind of father or mother will that person make, even if they are full of factual knowledge and very able-brained otherwise?
I would urge people who are thinking about marriage to really think about all of this stuff, and especially... most of all... to really think about the Faith aspect. If you mess up as parents, and your kids don't have the faith to cling to, it's going to be a much bigger mess! It's important that the Faith is a real, deep part of the family life, so that the children do not adopt the sense that religion is just an inconvenient side dish to an atheistic party life. Only if the parents live and breathe the Faith in a natural, real, every-day sort of way, are children going to adopt it in that way, too. All of this is very important.
If people go into a marriage unprepared, or with a wrong vision of what their duties really mean, or of their obligations, or if they go into it when they themselves are in some way gravely unfit... what can you expect will happen? It would be better to marry late or not at all, than to condemn yourself and the souls of your future children, because you married badly, or without any real concept of what you needed to do in that role.
The world's concept is dreadfully wrong and utterly empty. It gives nothing to the children but the ability to go on living physically. If the parents do not have the proper attitude, the children end up being nothing but nuisances to the parents' having a good time. And atheists at worst! They are hated and resented by the parents, because they are a bother. Because the parents were not prepared to sacrifice for them. Because they are not important to the parents in the way God meant them to be. A bad marriage is devastating for everyone involved in it. But a Catholic marriage, even if annulled under today's false pretext of "immaturity" (I believe) will still be binding in God's eyes. God said nothing about "as long as you both shall LOVE" or "as long as you're both having a good time". A marriage is permanent. It can never be dissolved in God's eyes. If a marriage DID take place, then it is forever. This means if you were able to make a real marriage in the first place, you're stuck in it. Your excuses 10 years down the road don't count. All that counts is that 10 years earlier, you were both sane, consenting adults who got married in front of a priest. You make your bed, and then you must lie in it!
If you educate yourself very well in the Faith, and especially upon your future duties as head of the house and as a father, then you will be truly ready. If you go into it the minute you can, simply because you're lonely, chances are you'll just end up being sorry instead. Relationships grounded in emotional necessity of one or both parties are by their very NATURE selfish, and will lead to trouble! It means one or both persons were looking to gratify themselves from the first. Only marriage will require sacrifice, and offer little selfish gratification of this kind. (Even if other kinds of happiness or gratification may result in a good marriage.)
I remained single because I knew myself to be unfit for the married state. No part of it has been easy. But while many people think I could not possibly know anything about marriage or love because of it, I have definitely noticed the relationships around me, and why they fail or stand. Almost uniformly, they fail or are disasters if one or both parties are either unfit or acting selfishly or without the proper idea of marriage. But I have also seen troubled marriages stand, because the parties knew that they had a duty to fulfill before God, and were selfless enough to do it.
All I can say in closing is, whatever you do, BE HONEST AND BE REALISTIC! Ask yourself the important questions, and be honest with yourself about the answers. Are you fit for it? Have you a real idea of the duties that are more than those the world teaches? Can you fulfill those obligations? Have you prepared yourself by trying to educate yourself properly about marriage and the Faith? And for the love of humanity, IS THE SAME TRUE OF YOUR POTENTIAL SPOUSE?!
God guide you! Surely passions won't!
Topic: Dating and girls (Read 3047 times)