Conversion happens through grace, we mostly have to show our faith by example. Then, when someone begins to open up to it, that's when we start sharing the truth with them. At least, that's how I handle it.
This is a pretty important point. We ourselves cannot "convert" anyone, because that is something only God can do in the soul of another. In other words, we can't change peoples minds just by words, or even actions. If their free will is set against it, only God's grace can move it. We can be instrumental in that, absolutely, but conversion is a great grace, and I've seen it happen before that someone I knew more or less roped someone into nearly converting, who later threw the idea off and went rather wild. We cannot change people that way, because grace does not come from us. It's God's to give to whom He will.
It is important that if we have such friends, however, to openly practice our faith and not back down on matters of faith and morals. We don't have to be obnoxious about it or condemn others, but (especially if asked) we must speak the truth and not be ashamed of it, either.
Sometimes it happens that we ourselves haven't started out with a very good life, and we feel like the crowd we meet in the traditional chapel on Sunday is coming at life from a totally different plain. When you've begun by living a worldly life, it's difficult to throw yourself in with lifelong devout Catholics, who can hardly understand where you are coming from, and how hard it is for you to get where you know you need to be in terms of morality.
This has been my story, for example. Being around people who have never betrayed their baptismal vows by embracing worldly behavior or ideas just made me feel like dirt, when I already felt that way because I had begun to realize I'd been living with a not-so-Catholic mindset. They were a living slap in the face which I well deserved, but which I had little courage to face. Around the non-Catholics I know, I feel I can be a good influence on them, and also be reminded of what I'm trying to leave behind, how far I still have to go, and try to encourage them to go the same way. Because I didn't have a holy, pius childhood and teen life, I will probably always feel grossly foreign around my Catholic peers in everything but matters of faith and morals. For me, I feel trying to associate personally with those who will raise an eyebrow at what I call progress, but which they lived (or did far better still) from their youth, would only make me feel more horrible than I already do about my past (and perhaps even present life). The example I know that I am to the few non-Catholic friends I have, also keeps me mindful that I need to continue to do better in the future, in order not to scandalize them.
Call me seriously insecure, but that's how it is for me. But having been around that particular "crowd" and in turn, their "crowds" (sometimes even to the third degree), I can certainly testify that depending on how one conducts oneself socially, you can quickly and easily end up in situations dangerous in themselves, let alone to morals. The problem with the "everybody's fine" attitude shared by the worldly, is that there is little distance between the "pretty good" and the "really bad". Going out with one of my friends in our teen years, had she not known my morals (or had I not made them known), I could have easily ended up in some unsavory parties before I even knew where we were going that evening. Whether or not the friend engages in really bad behavior, they may have no problem if others want to in the same room with them. I was lucky. The friend I was with (who had the car), actually asked me if I wanted to go here or there before just driving there. A lot of teens might not be so considerate.
I think one has to consider a lot of factors here, not the least of which is the maturity and solidness of the faith of the person with the non-Catholic friends. Then the friends themselves should be considered. Do they simply lead one into sin? Are they a bad influence? etc... Will they be constantly blaspheming Our Lord? Or will they respect the views of the Catholic party? If not in speech, then why would they in their actions or decisions?
Friendship is a pretty tough topic, precisely because we don't really choose who we identify with. Either you feel that a person will understand you and that you will be comfortable with them, or not. We do have an obligation to protect ourselves and our souls, and there is a lot of danger to both especially in the teen/early twenty-something scene. However there is a chance that we may become a very powerful force for good in the life of someone who shows promise in that direction.
Finally, we are born in this age into a very, very immoral world, wherein more or less everything around us is stacked against the salvation of our souls. We are lucky anymore to be born into a Catholic family. Because of this, I'm sure I'm not alone. There are probably many other Catholics who just cringe with shame when they meet people who have been living it from birth, but who never could feel comfortable enough with them or understood by them well enough to confide in them or really connect with them. That is an unhappy reality of this immoral world. I continue to be drawn to people who are, like me, full of problems and still in need of working on themselves. Life has been pretty humbling for me in the last several years, and I don't mind stooping to the dirt to pass on a little light to a few souls gravely in need of it. But I also know enough not to step into the mud. Dirt you can brush off. Mud leaves stains.
Those who have been fortunate enough to live a totally Catholic life from the cradle, probably are in a lot more danger here than they may do good, depending on themselves. For those of us just climbing up the ladder, we've just come from the pit those people are in. Because perhaps we've been weak in our own lives and not done so well, we understand how important it is to be encouraged and not condemned. Perhaps more than that, those coming up from the bottom of perfection's ladder, understand a lot better why those who are at the bottom haven't started climbing, and more importantly, the endless frustrations and pain that they will suffer the longer they stay where they are. That kind of understanding, I think, can't come from the people who have never been down there. But it makes those of us who have (and who have a faith strong enough and prudence enough to not get pulled down) a vital stepping stone. To ask the non-Catholics to make a step from vice, sin and worldliness to perfection is far to great a distance for those souls who are still in their spiritual coma and whose wills have long since atrophied. But when they see someone who was like them starting up toward something better... I think that's worth a thousand words to some of those lost souls. And it speaks volumes about what's waiting at the top.
I would say having non-Catholic friends can be very dangerous. I would say it's certainly not ideal, and perhaps not even advisable. (Just so everyone understands, I'm saying the words in bold are the RULE, not the exception to it.) But I think there is room in God's plan for those who aren't perfect yet (but who are trying to get there), to act like stepping stones for those who otherwise might never have the heart to try.
I would say, then, let the more perfect and the saintly be the light for those only halfway up perfection's ladder, and let those who aren't in danger of falling from the middle of it, be the light to those at the bottom, or who haven't even started yet. We are the light of the world. If we all go into the closet and shut the door, the closet will be nice and bright, but the world outside will be a lot darker. And those in the darkness, if they came into perfect light, would hardly have the eyes to take it in.
Happily, I have found God can use the imperfect Catholics as well as the perfect, to call to His lost sheep who are outside of the fold. But to others, non-Catholic friends (or the wrong kinds of them) are a serious stumbling block, and perhaps a threat to their faith (if not other well being) in general. Such souls who find themselves going to confession more (or confessing more) when they've been with their non-Catholic friends, would probably do well to avoid them.
Topic: Companions and charity (Read 4984 times)