Read an Interview with Matthew, the owner of CathInfo

Author Topic: CNN hit piece on marriage and children  (Read 1196 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline qeddeq

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 164
  • Reputation: +43/-129
CNN hit piece on marriage and children
« on: July 11, 2016, 12:29:34 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/08/health/how-kids-ruin-relationships/index.html

    This article is really low. Kids get in the way, don't have kids.

    Offline Matthew

    • Mod
    • *****
    • Posts: 21832
    • Reputation: +19176/-111
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #1 on: July 11, 2016, 02:09:44 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Lots of women look forward to motherhood -- getting to know a tiny baby, raising a growing child, developing a relationship with a maturing son or daughter. All over the world, people believe that parenting is the most rewarding part of life. And it's good that so many mothers treasure that bond with their child, because the transition to parenthood causes profound changes in a woman's marriage and her overall happiness... and not for the better.

    Families usually welcome a baby to the mix with great expectations. But as a mother's bond with a child grows, it's likely that her other relationships are deteriorating. I surveyed decades of studies on the psychological effects of having a child to write my book "Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage," and here's what the research literature shows.
    Nowhere to go but down?

    When people marry, they're usually in love and happy to be tying the knot. But after that, things tend to change. On average, couples' satisfaction with their marriage declines during the first years of marriage and, if the decline is particularly steep, divorce may follow. The course of true love runs downhill. And that's before you factor in what happens when it's time to start buying a carseat and diapers.

    For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: the relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along. Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship.

    The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines, the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. So, having children may make you miserable, but you'll be miserable together.

    Worse still, this decrease in marital satisfaction likely leads to a change in general happiness, because the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction is one's satisfaction with their spouse.

    While the negative marital impact of becoming parents is familiar to fathers and mothers, it is especially insidious because so many young couples think that having children will bring them closer together or at least will not lead to marital distress. Yet, this belief, that having children will improve one's marriage, is a tenacious and persistent myth among those who are young and in love.

    Lovers morph into parents
    It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics. And indeed, the arrival of children changes how couples interact. Parents often become more distant and businesslike with each other as they attend to the details of parenting. Mundane basics like keeping kids fed, bathed and clothed take energy, time and resolve. In the effort to keep the family running smoothly, parents discuss carpool pickups and grocery runs, instead of sharing the latest gossip or their thoughts on presidential elections. Questions about one's day are replaced with questions about whether this diaper looks full.

    These changes can be profound. Fundamental identities may shift -- from wife to mother, or, at a more intimate level, from lovers to parents. Even in same-sex couples, the arrival of children predicts less relationship satisfaction and sex. Beyond sexual intimacy, new parents tend to stop saying and doing the little things that please their spouses. Flirty texts are replaced with messages that read like a grocery receipt.

    As gatekeepers, moms hold keys to shared parenting duties
    With nearly half of all births being to unmarried couples (PDF), some parents may think they have gamed the system by skipping the wedding. Not so. The relationship burden of having children is present regardless of marital status, gender orientation or level of income. In addition, the adverse impact of becoming a parent is found in other countries, including those with greater rates of nonmarital parenting and more generous family policies.

    Moms bear the brunt
    Not surprisingly, it is mothers, not fathers, who bear the heaviest cost of becoming parents. Even when both parents work outside the home and even in marriages in which both spouses describe themselves as sharing the burden of household chores, most parents slide toward gender-stereotypical ways of parenting. Women are more likely to become the "on call" parent, the one who gets up in the night to bring a child a tissue or who's called by the school nurse.

    As part of this pattern, new mothers tend to cut their hours in outside work, which often leads fathers to feel more of the burden of financial responsibility. A common pattern emerges in which dads start spending more time and energy on outside work and moms start doing an increasing percentage of the childcare and housework. Cue the feelings of frustration, guilt and distress for both parents.
    The new battleground for same-sex couples is equal rights for their kids
    New mothers often talk about their social isolation, becoming disconnected from friends and colleagues and how their world feels like it's shrinking. All of these changes lead to fundamental and long-lasting effects on new mothers' circle of support, including with their spouses.

    The consequences of the relationship strain can be serious. Marital stress is associated with many serious physical health problems as well as symptoms of depression and other mental health problems. The link between psychological and marital problems is strong enough that researchers have found that couples therapy is one of the most effective ways of treating depression and some other mental illnesses.

    A light at the end of the tunnel?
    If the arrival of children is hard on marriages, is the departure of children good for marriages? Some marriages do improve once the children leave the nest. In other cases, the successful launch of the children leads spouses to discover they have few shared interests and there's nothing keeping them together.

    These downsides to having children may partly explain why more and more women in the United States and around the world are choosing not to procreate. According to the U.S. Census, the percent of childless American women (ages 15-44) increased a staggering amount in just two generations: from 35 percent in 1976 to 47 percent in 2010.

    Despite the dismal picture of motherhood painted by researchers like me (sorry Mom), most mothers (and fathers) rate parenting as their greatest joy. Much like childbirth, where nearly all mothers believe the pain and suffering was worth it, most mothers believe the rewards of watching their children grow up is worth the cost to their romantic relationships.
    Start your Amazon.com session by clicking this link, and my family and I get a commission on your purchase!


    Offline Capt McQuigg

    • Hero Member
    • *****
    • Posts: 4624
    • Reputation: +2597/-9
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #2 on: July 11, 2016, 02:30:51 PM »
  • Thanks!2
  • No Thanks!0
  • Secular articles on parenthood are generally worthless.  Sometimes they will have a few tidbits of facts to think about but you should read a secular article only to point out the falsehoods or half-truths or truths hidden "between the lines".  Then again, it probably is just a waste of time reading secular articles on anything related to marriage and parenting.  

    This article, quoted by Matthew in full, is no different.  It highlights the fact that marriages are more likely to last if their are children but it points this fact out as if it was some form or irony.

    Look at the superficiality of thinking demonstrated by the author.  The author thinks gossip is an important thing to talk about but is being replaced by the day to day duties of parenting.   :facepalm:

    Online Pax Vobis

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    • Posts: 3219
    • Reputation: +1954/-976
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #3 on: July 11, 2016, 02:38:51 PM »
  • Thanks!2
  • No Thanks!0
  • Since most women work full time now, having children is just another 'chore', once the novelty wears off.  There's not enough time in the day to have a good career and be a good mother.  If you polled 'stay at home' mothers, i'd bet the results would drastically different.

    Offline qeddeq

    • Jr. Member
    • **
    • Posts: 164
    • Reputation: +43/-129
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #4 on: July 11, 2016, 03:11:47 PM »
  • Thanks!2
  • No Thanks!0
  • i just thought it was bizarre to say that the "light at the end of the tunnel" is that the marriage improves once the kids are gone. The idea is that kids are harmful to marriage. So get married but don't have kids because it will ruin your marriage and career. This practice is especially true of educated women who have very low fertility rates, the higher the education the lower the rate. Kids are seen by these women(mostly white) as a ball and chain around their ankle, preventing them from having a good life. A good life is the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want. Kids reduce that freedom to an enormous extent. I realize that this view of things is 100% secular, and it made possible by advances in contraceptive tech.


    Offline Capt McQuigg

    • Hero Member
    • *****
    • Posts: 4624
    • Reputation: +2597/-9
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #5 on: July 11, 2016, 04:05:05 PM »
  • Thanks!2
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: qeddeq
    i just thought it was bizarre to say that the "light at the end of the tunnel" is that the marriage improves once the kids are gone. The idea is that kids are harmful to marriage. So get married but don't have kids because it will ruin your marriage and career. This practice is especially true of educated women who have very low fertility rates, the higher the education the lower the rate. Kids are seen by these women(mostly white) as a ball and chain around their ankle, preventing them from having a good life. A good life is the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want. Kids reduce that freedom to an enormous extent. I realize that this view of things is 100% secular, and it made possible by advances in contraceptive tech.


    You are correct in your assessment.  

    Read Traditional Catholic books on marriage and family, and consult with a Traditional Catholic Priest, if you want good advice.

    Offline Matthew

    • Mod
    • *****
    • Posts: 21832
    • Reputation: +19176/-111
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #6 on: July 11, 2016, 04:09:34 PM »
  • Thanks!1
  • No Thanks!0
  • Yes, marriage and children will help one to overcome selfishness.

    The World says: "heaven forbid!"

    If you worship yourself, pleasure, or money, then NO of course you shouldn't get married OR have any children.

    But if you're interested in TRUE happiness, or even salvation, then (for a married person) having children is God's will for you.

    (Assuming you can physically have children. If you can't, then obviously it's not God's will for you.)

    Start your Amazon.com session by clicking this link, and my family and I get a commission on your purchase!

    Offline Immaculata001

    • Jr. Member
    • **
    • Posts: 217
    • Reputation: +158/-13
    • Gender: Female
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #7 on: July 11, 2016, 09:06:13 PM »
  • Thanks!3
  • No Thanks!1
  • Quote from: Pax Vobis
    Since most women work full time now, having children is just another 'chore', once the novelty wears off.  There's not enough time in the day to have a good career and be a good mother.  If you polled 'stay at home' mothers, i'd bet the results would drastically different.


    Housewives actually have higher rates of dissatisfaction. It seems that it's because of the double-speak and duplicity of modern society.

    You hear people saying that motherhood is "the most important job in the world," but women who mother are not given any real validation or support from the society, if that is all they do, and the qualities that a good mother/teacher/caregiver must possess (wisdom, ceaseless self-sacrifice, singular commitment to others' needs, boundless love and acceptance, inattention to one's own desires, possession of principles and dignity, kindness, meekness, vulnerability) are viciously derided and condemned; meanwhile, women who display the most aggressive and mannish qualities in career, finances, sexual behavior, you-name-it are praised and lauded...Examples: Hilary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, any female pop-star who is overtly and aggressively sexually self-exploitative, female journalists...

    But as it concerns the article, yes, modern, secular/Godless parents are dissatisfied and miserable, but because leftists are dogmatists (these social ideologies are dogmas), they can't offer an authentic analysis of the reasons why.

    I can remember my grandmother, when she was disgusted by the parenting and religious indifference of my own mother and other relatives, would shout, in French, that parents are burdened with the charge of their children's souls. This is the most intense and significant responsibility that a person can have, and all parents WILL BE ACCOUNTABLE to God for how they have either maimed or nurtured that soul. It's part of the reason I haven't really tried to thwart God's will for my life in not having a relationship or having children, because I know I would not be able to live with myself if I should fail at that responsibility. I think I might rather die.

    Contrast that traditional Catholic idea with the implicit modern understanding of the purposes of family, relationships, sex, and/or children: the Godless believe that children are accessories that contribute to their personal fulfillment and accomplishment. Think about it. Why else would extremely large numbers of people have children without ever having been married, knowing, explicitly, that it is contrary to the welfare of the children born?

    One of the most crushing and demoralizing aspects of being a teacher in this country is the reality that many American parents simply forfeit their obligations to their children if they no longer feel fulfilled by their children, whether through divorce, creating new abusive relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends and being sure to give those relationships precedence over their children, or simply stopping parenting when things become too difficult . That's what devices like these phones are for: they get the children out of the way and quiet; the "problem" is eliminated, and then the parents can find other sources of self-worship and fulfillment. Inevitably, when the children become suicidal, drug-addicted, violent, criminal, or deviant, the parents can feign ignorance as to how the children got there...
    "But 'tis strange:
    And oftentimes, to win us to our harm,
    The instruments of darkness tell us truths,
    Win us with honest trifles, to betray's
    In deepest consequence.." Banquo, from Shakespeare's Macbeth


    Offline Degrelle

    • Newbie
    • *
    • Posts: 112
    • Reputation: +87/-7
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #8 on: July 13, 2016, 03:04:19 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote


    ... yes, modern, secular/Godless parents are dissatisfied and miserable, but because leftists are dogmatists (these social ideologies are dogmas), they can't offer an authentic analysis of the reasons why.

    <snip>

    Contrast that traditional Catholic idea with the implicit modern understanding of the purposes of family, relationships, sex, and/or children: the Godless believe that children are accessories that contribute to their personal fulfillment and accomplishment. Think about it. Why else would extremely large numbers of people have children without ever having been married, knowing, explicitly, that it is contrary to the welfare of the children born?

    <snip>


    Very well said, and I think this sums up the article well.

    Yes, modern people are miserable -- and it's not surprise. They don't have God, first and foremost, but they are also trying to operate in a situation completely inimical to human nature and to the family. Feminism has turned things upside-down, and although they can't admit it, this makes them miserable. It makes women feel "guilt" for not pursuing their career and then they get piled-on by society who condemns them if they stay at home.

    I notice that all my secular colleagues at work seem to hate or at least do not get along with their children. This is because the children are little monsters behaviourally from having never been disciplined due to modern concepts of parenting that are pushed (in come countries like Canada forced by law upon parents), plus they are alienated from their parents by the local brainwashing centres (public schools), and the media they constantly imbibe. But no one knows to turn the TV off because that is all they know.

    Above all, people do not accept their crosses because of the hedonistic self-centred ethos of our pagan society. So any amount of suffering makes them disproportionately unhappy and they beleive the liars in the media that if only they had a different spouse things would be better (everyone has such temptations from the devil, but secular folk have no immune system to defend against it). As a parent myself I can say yes, there are a lot of crosses, but there is corresponding joy and I wouldn't sacrifice a single of the crosses I've had.

    EDIT: fixed formatting error

    Offline qeddeq

    • Jr. Member
    • **
    • Posts: 164
    • Reputation: +43/-129
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #9 on: July 13, 2016, 03:55:08 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • let me just ask this question though: is there anything that can be done to make parenting a bit easier? The TFR in this country is 1.88 and falling. It's at that level only due to the hispanic women. Once they start acting like white and black women the rate will go down to very low levels, like in Japan and germany, or Singapore. Replacement level is 2.1. Less than that and a population contracts.You do the research for yourself, the statistics are well understood.

    Offline Degrelle

    • Newbie
    • *
    • Posts: 112
    • Reputation: +87/-7
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #10 on: July 13, 2016, 06:31:30 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • geddeg, that's a million dollar question, isn't it?

    Honestly I think modern society is do FUBAR that parenting is a monumental task no matter what and especially for pagans. Without converting to the true faith and cultivating a Catholic marriage I don't know what can be done for seculars.

    For Catholics we have the grace of state and graces from frequent reception of sacraments. In that vein I think relocating (if possible) to an area where you have regular access to the sacraments can make things easier a bit. Before that being discerning and choosing a good spouse will help. Mixed marriage to a non Catholic should be a non-starter but I see way too many trads enter into such disasters.


    Offline qeddeq

    • Jr. Member
    • **
    • Posts: 164
    • Reputation: +43/-129
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #11 on: July 14, 2016, 12:46:42 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • If anyone is interested, here's a breakdown of population projections to the year 2060.
    Population expected to increase about 30% to about 417 million. This will be due largely to factors such as immigration, population momentum,  increased longevity and decreasing infant mortality.  

    http://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2015/demo/p25-1143.pdf

    Online Pax Vobis

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    • Posts: 3219
    • Reputation: +1954/-976
    • Gender: Male
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #12 on: July 14, 2016, 08:37:12 AM »
  • Thanks!2
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote
    Housewives actually have higher rates of dissatisfaction.


    Who's reporting this?  The same liberals who don't want women to be at home with their kids?  I don't trust the data.  

    There's actually reports that Fortune 500 companies are concerned because many women, once they reach their 30s, are leaving the workforce and returning home, because they want a stronger family and they have finally seen that a career isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Larger companies are being disrupted because of this trend and they want to know if it's growing and how to plan for it.

    Offline Viva Cristo Rey

    • Hero Member
    • *****
    • Posts: 6720
    • Reputation: +1889/-109
    • Gender: Female
    CNN hit piece on marriage and children
    « Reply #13 on: July 14, 2016, 08:53:21 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Pax Vobis
    Quote
    Housewives actually have higher rates of dissatisfaction.


    Who's reporting this?  The same liberals who don't want women to be at home with their kids?  I don't trust the data.  

    There's actually reports that Fortune 500 companies are concerned because many women, once they reach their 30s, are leaving the workforce and returning home, because they want a stronger family and they have finally seen that a career isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Larger companies are being disrupted because of this trend and they want to know if it's growing and how to plan for it.


    Many women are getting college degrees and becoming stay at home moms.  

    To live with the Saints in Heaven is all bliss and glory....To live with the saints on Earth is just another story!  (unknown)

     

    Sitemap 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16