I survived. I don't have much time but wanted to confirm I didn't chicken out, though, I can't lie, I had a very creepy feeling about it and I think maybe I am just conditioned to think Sede=Rebellious.
I am a bit overwhelmed by everything, but I feel pretty good about it. I need to just sort through it all in my head (information overload) and pray on it.
Two things I was asked to work on now that are really sticking out to me are:
1) "Strongly consider" getting rid of Facebook. It seems so silly, but having been on it since High School it is hard to let go. I've deactivated it before when I felt the drama of it was presenting an occasion of sin, but I have always ended up giving in and starting up again.
2) Finding a way to live without the night job, but also finding new childcare arrangements for my day job. Much easier said than done, and I'll refrain from speaking to much about this right now because I tend to be overly defensive and sensitive about the topic of daycare and I already know how bad it is.
As far as the marriage/courtship stuff, we didn't get into much detail. He said sounds like a good direction but for now I should pray about it and he could discuss with me courtship itself at another time, maybe in a few weeks.
I tried really hard not to cry (even though my nerves made me feel sick to my stomach) but I did get a little emotional when he talked about how the Church is not an exclusive club and that my past will in no way "disqualify" me from it. He said that is not self-righteous to smile or try to meet people and that while people should certainly be selective in who they involve themselves with (friendship, courting etc.) that everyone is still called to treat others as Christ would. This was very reassuring for me, as I have been most worried about how to "behave" around other people. Hearing that from someone "In Persona Christi" is a big relief. He did say not to introduce myself as unwed and just answer if someone asks me.
Also, to those of you who have asked me about the specific church/priest (either in the personal messages or here) please do not think I am ignoring you if I don't answer right away. I know that I have already given up the expectation of privacy by posting so much information on a public forum, but I feel right now it is better to at least try to maintain at least a tiny bit of anonymity, just for my own peace.
I know that with the information I have given already it wouldn't be to hard to figure out where I went today, but I guess if someone does that, at this point I'd rather not know. This is all so incredibly new to me and I'm a bit paranoid about who to trust. That isn't a dig on anyone (I know you're all great people!) It is just that I have noticed that I have been given (through pm) a lot of contradictory ideas, and to some degree, advice about things I've discussed here. There isn't a fully unified view from all the posters and I need a little more time to digest things and I decide for sure what I believe personally. By no means am I rejecting the sedevacantist position, it is just that it is a huge leap from NO, and there wasn't enough time to really get into the specific beliefs of the CMRI with the priest yet.
Another thing is that a few months ago I posted on another forum some things that really upset some people and one person in particular was really relentless in trying to get me to say the name of my Novus Ordo parish, and I am suspicious there was a motive for it. Even if the NO church is a bad thing, I'd really prefer not to be publicly ex-communicated (which would cause a lot of turmoil in my personal life considering some people already think I am becoming "radical") and I don't want the NO priest who first discussed Traditionalism with me to get in trouble either. I'm a little paranoid, because I haven't yet been able to shake the feeling that I am rebelling. Being raised a cafeteria NO Catholic, it is a hard thing to do even if it is objectively the "right" thing.
I feel in a sense that like I am walking down a very dark hallway (sort of like that narrow path we need to follow for salvation) and I know that if I keep walking straight I will get to where I need to be, but if I take off and run, I risk hitting a wall. I don't want to hit a wall. So I hope there is patience with me as I share my journey and try to figure this all out.
I feel so blessed to have had so many prayers. It definitely helped nudge me over the edge so I could put this in motion.
I have a ton of scripture (and other things) to read, and I am feeling pretty anxious. I think I will go to mass at this church on Sunday, but then after that I might choose somewhere closer just because of cost of travel. I'll have to pray on it.