Author Topic: children and being hurt by cliques (Read 1049 times)

Tiffany · « **on:** June 24, 2013, 09:06:26 AM »

One of the mother's in the homeschool group has basically bullied other mothers into shunning a family. I'm ashamed that I listened to the drama initially but when it got to the point where she wanted us to shun the family/exclude the children from activities my red flags went up and I refused. So now of course we are shunned too.
I wasn't close friends with the original family but they were polite people and I'm sure not going to exclude children because two mothers had words over something that should have been over in a few hours.

I know the bullying mother is very defensive. Once her toddler was rescued from the creek from a woman walking and she started screaming at the woman who rescued her because she felt she was calling her a bad mother. Another time she started screaming at the mother of a girl who has a same age daughter because she felt she was taking her daughter's best friend from her. That said I believe she really feels what she does. She really does feel she was being called a bad mother, or that her daughter's friend is being stolen, or that she was the victim when she had words with another mother. She doesn't ever "move on" from it though and the more time goes on the more she makes of it - I have the gmail chats to show it. (I blocked her from gmail since the first time she tried to get me to exclude those other children.)

What I don't get is where is the backbone of the rest of the mothers! They are going along with the shunning and going along with the clique. She literally contacts you non-stop you until you agree with her, and the group leader (they are best friends) steps in with shaming if you don't go along. Apart from one other mother all have gone along with it. The other one who didn't go along with it, she brought up a good point she said what are they teaching their children.

So my son is just heartbroken. They are being really nasty like saying to meet at the regular meeting place but then having a clique that meets someplace else. (So we show up and nobody is there.) And they just stopped inviting him to things. It's been going on for six months now ever since I refused to exclude the one family from something I planned. I told him that we cannot go along with them and understands but he is still sad. Any advice on something I can do to help him?

s2srea · « **Reply #1 on:** June 24, 2013, 09:22:58 AM »

How terrible. Children should never have to suffer for the mistakes parents make- but they often do. Take solice in knowing that you are setting a wonderful example for your son Tiffany. The word, "bullying" is being thrown around today as a tool for the spread of sodomy and other offenses to God; but it is real and does exist. I think that those close to God are able to easily see through a bully's tactics and resist it.

The other mothers are week. Stay your course! Pray for the woman, but don't feel afraid to point out her wrong actions; you are doing nothing wrong. You son has already suffered the consequences. The other women can see whats happening- they're adults. If they are willing to follow this woman, they will have to account for their actions as well. I'm sorry this happened, and hope this mess is cleaned up soon.

Stephen Francis · « **Reply #2 on:** June 24, 2013, 09:29:29 AM »

You're not in NJ by any chance, are you? Same thing happened to a friend of mine. An overly-pushy and controlling mother basically wanted to accept or reject people in their homeschooling group based on her personal acceptance of them.

Cliques are a sad but all-too-common occurrence in society, especially in the already fairly insular world of homeschooling (my family does it too!).

Praying for you.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, triumph soon!

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Elizabeth · « **Reply #3 on:** June 24, 2013, 01:51:47 PM »

That is so depressing; what a terrible example for the children. Prayers for you guys.

St. John Bosco had a lot of wisdom about what he called "fatal cliques".

songbird · « **Reply #4 on:** June 24, 2013, 02:03:36 PM »

When I home schooled we had a group and I left it and just minded my own business. The group would come together for rosary every now and then, they were New Order and we were too for a few years and went traditional. But I noticed that we were not desired. Some times they would not invite us, and then they would say, they forgot to phone us. We did not need a group. It would have been nice to find some play friends for the children, but not like that. so, I just stayed out. Besides the group wanted to come under the bishop of the dioceses and I wanted nothing to do with that.

Luker · « **Reply #5 on:** June 24, 2013, 03:20:08 PM »

I am sorry I can't offer any specific advice, but when I hear or read about cliques I remember reading C.S. Lewis' short story 'The Inner Ring' . Lewis was an Anglican not a Catholic, but that caveat aside I think his story on the desire of humans to 'clique' up and advice to avoid it is spot on. The whole story is not terribly long and well worth a read, here is a couple of relevant excerpts:

That is my first reason. Of all the passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things.

The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surprising result will follow. If in your working hours you make the work your end, you will presently find yourself all unawares inside the only circle in your profession that really matters. You will be one of the sound craftsmen, and other sound craftsmen will know it. This group of craftsmen will by no means coincide with the Inner Ring or the Important People or the People in the Know. It will not shape that professional policy or work up that professional influence which fights for the profession as a whole against the public: nor will it lead to those periodic scandals and crises which the Inner Ring produces. But it will do those things which that profession exists to do and will in the long run be responsible for all the respect which that profession in fact enjoys and which the speeches and advertisements cannot maintain.

Here is the link if anyone wants to read the whole thing:

http://www.lewissociety.org/innerring.php

Luke

Frances · « **Reply #6 on:** June 24, 2013, 09:57:18 PM »

Do what is right and never mind what others think. Better to go solo than to waste time on such nonsense.