Author Topic: Charity with baggage (Read 1536 times)

Matthew · « **on:** May 30, 2016, 02:52:25 PM »

What do you do about a widow who deserves charity, only she has personally (and foolishly) taken responsibility for 2 adult children (in their 20's or even 30's), neither of which have any disabilities? Neither child qualifies for SSI (Social Security).

Both of these children have never gone to college or lived away from home. They still live at home with their mother, only now she can't really afford it. They use electricity, water, eat food, and of course require much more living space than a single widow.

How do you give to a worthy cause when that worthy cause has "chained herself" to a very UNworthy cause, a cause which is actually enabling of adults to live a carefree child-life for decades?

What are those children going to do when this older woman dies? We human beings don't live forever on this earth.

Neither child has anything resembling a job that could support even ONE of them, much less a career. They are living off the widow's social security, plus a few "benefactors".

The children are 25 and 35. A "boy" and a "girl".

songbird · « **Reply #1 on:** May 30, 2016, 03:08:52 PM »

The adult children are caring for mom? She is most blessed to have them. I know of a woman who has no one. No one. She is disabled and is just hanging in there.We take her to Mass and a meal in our home and visit at least another day. A neighbor takes her to doc appts. and brings in the mail and puts out the garbage for pick up.

Centroamerica · « **Reply #2 on:** May 30, 2016, 03:22:33 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

adults to live a carefree child-life for decades?
.

They should move to Brazil. The cultural norm of the day...

Nadir · « **Reply #3 on:** May 31, 2016, 06:08:35 AM »

There is no cure for stupidity!

Seeing she has encouraged their selfishness and laziness, she will probably have to dig her own grave.

This is a grave western problem.

Nadir · « **Reply #4 on:** June 01, 2016, 03:47:39 AM »

I am seeing similar situations all around me. The parents fear to alienate their children and act like doormats and slaves. They cook separate meals for both children, which differ from what the parents eat and from each other. Yes I chose the word both, because generally there's just the two, sometimes just one (by choice). I am afraid it's a consequence of the idolatry of Child Worship. They never correct them when they are out order.

Thou shalt not have false gods before Me!

Tiffany · « **Reply #5 on:** June 03, 2016, 11:58:13 PM »

Do the adult children work? Many parents help their adult children, if they live with them or not. Do they help their mother with chores or errands? If they qualify for assistance they might not be a drain because the more people in a household the higher the income levels can be. The son should definitely be working if he is not in school or in poor health.

AMDGJMJ · « **Reply #6 on:** June 04, 2016, 11:46:32 AM »

Perhaps consider taking the elder woman in to help her, and convincing the other adults to get jobs to support themselves?

LittleFlowers · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2016, 03:18:54 AM »

I feel bad for the mother.

But, perhaps, there is more to the story? Maybe the adult children are dealing with depression, or a broken heart?

Either way, I personally refrain from judgment, but would want to help the mother. I hope she finds some more help from St. Vincent de Paul and Catholic Charities.

And, perhaps, receive some encouragement to work with her children, find out the issue(s) and work to help them, too.

With prayer.

Nick · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2016, 07:40:40 AM »

Quote from: Nadir

There is no cure for stupidity!

Seeing she has encouraged their selfishness and laziness, she will probably have to dig her own grave.

This is a grave western problem.

It is a grave problem, unfortunately it's no longer limited to being soley a western problem.
This affliction is becoming more prevelant amongst many of the more recent generations from the East ( parts of Asia ) as well.

There are far too many " adult children " around, and the existence of social security has often allowed for the establishment ( even inter generational ) of an entitlement mentality.

Many of them are qualifiers for the " Darwin Awards ".

Nadir · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2016, 10:46:59 AM »

In former days and in some other cultures, parents depended on their children for support by helping in the fields and in the house or family business. Children learned to look after themselves, their younger brothers and sisters and their parents in their old age. This was a healthy way to live and Catholics should be training their children in this way.

Recently I discovered that an 11 year old nephew was still unable to tie his own shoelaces. I asked his mother why. Because he is lazy, she said. He is an only child and his parents and grandmother have always done everything for him, indulging him with whatever he wants. What a tragedy for him.

AMDGJMJ · « **Reply #10 on:** June 06, 2016, 02:38:18 PM »

Quote from: Nadir

In former days and in some other cultures, parents depended on their children for support by helping in the fields and in the house or family business. Children learned to look after themselves, their younger brothers and sisters and their parents in their old age. This was a healthy way to live and Catholics should be training their children in this way.

Recently I discovered that an 11 year old nephew was still unable to tie his own shoelaces. I asked his mother why. Because he is lazy, she said. He is an only child and his parents and grandmother have always done everything for him, indulging him with whatever he wants. What a tragedy for him.

So sad...

So many people are spoiled these days...

But at the same time there are those who are also destitute and work 14 hour days just to barely make a living...

Nadir · « **Reply #11 on:** June 07, 2016, 01:09:48 PM »

Quote

Genesis 3:
[17] And to Adam he said: Because thou hast hearkened to the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldst not eat, cursed is the earth in thy work; with labour and toil shalt thou eat thereof all the days of thy life. [18] Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herbs of the earth. [19] In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return to the earth, out of which thou wast taken: for dust thou art, and into dust thou shalt return. [20] And Adam called the name of his wife Eve: because she was the mother of all the living.

[21] And the Lord God made for Adam and his wife, garments of skins, and clothed them. [22] And he said: Behold Adam is become as one of us, knowing good and evil: now, therefore, lest perhaps he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever. [23] And the Lord God sent him out of the paradise of pleasure, to till the earth from which he was taken. [24] And he cast out Adam; and placed before the paradise of pleasure Cherubims, and a flaming sword, turning every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Work is hard. Life is hard. God did not mean us to live forever in Paradise on this earth. As a result of our sin, Man is meant to work as part of his salvation. Depriving children of this knowlege is a real evil. Sadly parents want to make their children's lives easy, indulging them, encouraging them in selfishness, laziness and greed.

In my experience, indulged children are unhappy children. Children who have an active part to play in helping their parents are far happier.

Tiffany · « **Reply #12 on:** June 07, 2016, 09:21:10 PM »

Why is it a big deal that adult children or even the entire family of an adult child live with the parents. I've known homes where both a daughter and her husband and a son and his wife lived with their parents.

Nadir · « **Reply #13 on:** June 08, 2016, 07:44:57 AM »

I don't see anything wrong with muligenerational living. In fact it is to be desired if possible.

I think the point of the OP is that adult children ought not to bludge on their parent.