So as some of you may or may not know, I went on vacation for 3 weeks at the behest of my mother. I had no access to the Traditional Mass, nor any Sacraments, even if I have had access to the N.O. Mass and Sacraments. During this vacation I was also scandalized in so many different ways by my family members, and especially so by mother. I don't even want to repeat what I witnessed there.

What's really got me in a rut, however, is the fact that during the trip I stumbled. I tried with all my might to resist my old habits but the continuous mental beat-down of temptation got the better of me and I thus panicked and gave in to it. What a dark day of regret that has led me down an even darker past thus far... How depressing it is to feel like no matter how much you pray the temptation only seems to get worse when you have no means of attaining grace. Now I am stuck in a state of mortal sin that I have problems getting rid of.

You see, the thing is: Before the vacation I tried to adequately prepare myself with religious books and the like so that I wouldn't cave in to this kind of thing. I downloaded articles from tradition in action to read over the 3 weeks so I wouldn't find myself being idle but those have brought me to a dark place. You see, articles over there have gotten me to realize that I have the habit of dressing rather casually to go to Mass. Obviously I now realize how unacceptable that is but it's something that's not that easy to give up.

Because of my silent nature, I really don't like talking to people too much. Being 17 and standing in a bus station, waiting for a bus near the mall to go to Church is bound to draw attention, especially considering the fact that I am not seen wearing suits often. Every week I go to Church I find that I keep running into people that I DO NOT want to talk to but they consider me as a friend because I was still a crypto-modernist when I met them. I feel bad about going to Church in clothes that aren't my best simply because I don't want to be seen on the bus and noticed by those who know me. This is what holds me back from confessing. I don't think that even if I confessed that I would really try to fix the problem.. Which is why I haven't confessed.

The fact that I have to take the bus and cannot be driven to Mass is what is really bothering me. Not too long ago you would have heard me saying: "I would die for Christ" and yet I don't even want to dress specially for Mass for fear of being seen. How quaint a contradiction. I've made excuses to myself for not wearing suits like "It's too tight and therefore immodest so I can't wear it." but only before realizing how violently dishonest I was being.

I'm really not sure of what I should do. I find it to be embarrassing that I should even be having a problem considering how far I've come...

I sympathize with you, Daegus. I have experienced many temptations, and becoming a Traditional Catholic completely changed my life. No longer am I the spiritually lazy person I used to be who didn't try overly hard to resist certain temptations. LP has a point, the more holy a person is, the more the devil attacks them. Padre Pio was so holy that he was ridiculed by the devil pretty much every day. The devil constantly appeared to him and mocked him.

Regarding your temptations, I suggest praying that God will give you the spiritual stength needed to overcome the temptations you are facing. Also, do you wear the Brown Scapular? That is a good way to protect you from the devil. I'll pray for you.

God Bless.

I don't know CS, my personal opinion is that blue jeans is out of the question. Remember, your dress and appearance is an outward sign of respect when visiting our Lord. Being modest, is different from wearing our Sunday's best. You can be modest, while dressing up for Christ. Just my 2¢.

It is very difficult for me to see how dressing casually but modestly for Mass is a mortal sin.

And you are NEVER stuck in mortal sin.  Make an act of perfect contrition.  I understand your reluctance to go to a NO priest without agreeing with it, but surely that is better than not going to confession at all?  Consider an Eastern rite priest if that would make your feel more confident.

You're 17?

Is that.... Bad? :stare:

Belated Happy Birthday by the way.

I think it's "Happy Belated Birthday" but thank you anywho :farmer:

Oh and as usual.. Thanks everyone for the advice and support. Overcoming vices isn't as easy as I thought..

My wishes are belated but your birthday is not. It is still on the same day I presume.
Thanks for the heads up. Carry on.