Author Topic: Catholic doctrine on Marriage and Love (Read 5884 times)

Matthew · « **on:** May 03, 2013, 09:27:07 PM »

"...ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

-C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity," Book III, Chapter 6

Telesphorus · « **Reply #1 on:** May 03, 2013, 09:47:51 PM »

That's CS Lewis. That's not Catholic doctrine.

http://haydock1859.tripod.com/id1099.html

Sigismund · « **Reply #2 on:** May 03, 2013, 10:36:49 PM »

If an Anglican says something that's Catholic, it doesn't stop being Catholic.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #3 on:** May 03, 2013, 10:37:50 PM »

Quote from: Sigismund

If an Anglican says something that's Catholic, it doesn't stop being Catholic.

The statement is not Catholic doctrine.

Matthew · « **Reply #4 on:** May 03, 2013, 11:44:48 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

"...ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

-C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity," Book III, Chapter 6

I'm curious, Tele, how this differs from Catholic doctrine. Maybe I missed something, but I found myself really agreeing with the whole quote, vehemently. That's why I had to post it.

It sure seemed Catholic to me.

It seemed specifically Catholic, as opposed to the worldly, sentimental notion of love.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #5 on:** May 04, 2013, 01:52:12 AM »

Quote

I'm curious, Tele, how this differs from Catholic doctrine.

If something is Catholic doctrine, then it needs to be demonstrated to be Catholic doctrine.

It might be correct, it might be something to agree with, but that doesn't make it Catholic doctrine.

I notice you are getting some of your posts from facebook.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #6 on:** May 04, 2013, 01:55:48 AM »

I have to laugh at the seven down votes.

Why should Catholics be going to CS Lewis, and why should they care about cliches?

Telesphorus · « **Reply #7 on:** May 04, 2013, 02:21:40 AM »

Let's attempt a little criticism here. I hope it's not too hard!

Should we say that feelings behind actions don't matter?

If someone's heart has grown cold towards God, isn't that a problem?
If someone's heart has grown cold towards their children, isn't that a problem?

Now, that's not to say those feelings of coldness are necessarily the person's fault. HOWEVER, the idea that they don't matter and aren't connected to the act of love, the will to love someone, is rather suspect if you ask me.

In place of the modern pabulum of CS Lewis, I gave a link to Proverbs 5, which is about as good as you can get on this topic.

A man should hopefully have feelings of being in love with his wife.

It's natural.

8 Let thy vein be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth:

19 Let her be thy dearest hind, and most agreeable fawn: let her breasts inebriate thee at all times: be thou delighted continually with her love.

I think women like this idea of not having to feel love for their husbands more than men.

Men are of course explicitly commanded to love their wives.

For that reason, they should choose someone loveable!

Nadir · « **Reply #8 on:** May 04, 2013, 03:23:44 AM »

Those of us who have been married for some time know that we don't always FEEL love for our spouse, but nevertherless we stiil love them without feeling that love.

Feelings of love tend to be stronger when our spouse is somehow vulnerable, in sickness or bad times.

Sigismund · « **Reply #9 on:** May 07, 2013, 09:04:19 PM »

Well, perhaps you actually have to have experienced married love to know that.

Matthew · « **Reply #10 on:** May 07, 2013, 09:17:10 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote
I'm curious, Tele, how this differs from Catholic doctrine.

If something is Catholic doctrine, then it needs to be demonstrated to be Catholic doctrine.

It might be correct, it might be something to agree with, but that doesn't make it Catholic doctrine.

I notice you are getting some of your posts from facebook.

I only have to prove it (cite my sources) if I'm in the midst of an argument.

In my case, I was just throwing it out there. There was no current debate about the topic, so I felt no need to look it up.

I was just sharing some very Catholic wording of what married love should be between two Catholics. C.S. Lewis happened to put it very well.

I don't have time to read the whole book -- Facebook can be a great way to encounter interesting quotes, pictures, etc. if you have the right friends.

Just like a person can learn a lot by reading CathInfo. You let others discover some things for you. Everyone is sharing their best gems with everyone else.

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** May 07, 2013, 09:20:14 PM »

Quote from: Sigismund

Well, perhaps you actually have to have experienced married love to know that.

Tele might as well write a book on marriage -- how to have a successful marriage, married love, getting along with in-laws, etc.

I'd be first in line to read it...NOT!

Telesphorus · « **Reply #12 on:** May 07, 2013, 10:09:10 PM »

Maybe if you keep bumping this thread you'll catch up in reputation

:pop:

s2srea · « **Reply #13 on:** May 08, 2013, 03:38:18 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Maybe if you keep bumping this thread you'll catch up in reputation

:pop:

Says the guy who has consistently downvoted Matt in this thread. :rolleyes:

Telesphorus · « **Reply #14 on:** May 08, 2013, 03:57:48 PM »

Quote from: s2srea

Says the guy who has consistently downvoted Matt in this thread. :rolleyes:

I downvote posts I disagree with. The downvotes I've received on this thread have everything to do with personality.

I was making a joke. Try to control that inferiority complex.

I was making a simple point:

That passage of CS Lewis does not qualify as Catholic doctrine.

That some of you people are incensed by that, shows a real lack of detachment.